IT HAS BEGUN

Everybody in the family, save for my mother and two of my sisters love(d) football. The first tournament I can really recall is the Korea/Japan FIFA world cup in 2002. I wasn't even in my teens yet, but I'd discovered a sport I really love(d). Then the following year, after my older cousin came from Lagos for his pre-degree program, we started watching club football at viewing centres on weekends. On the opening weekend of the 2003 English Premier League season, Man United played host to a certain Jay-Jay Okocha's Bolton Wanderers. The minute, little details escape my memory, but I remember (vividly!) Sir Alex motioning to the bench for a thin, sprightly, pimple-faced teenager to begin his warmup. I remember there were a few vociferous objections from many United fans about Ferguson's choice of a sub. Little over five minutes later, that teenager came on, sauntered about the pitch with flair and élan, had grown men on their asses with fantastic dribbling moves I'd never watched on live television before AND affected the game such that a slender 1-0 lead turned into a robust 4-0 thrashing of Okocha's team. I knew I was watching the very beginnings of an individual's greatness, if ever there was one. The memories of the beautiful David Beckham who had departed for Madrid the previous summer was put on the back burners. Old Trafford had a new hero;
C-fcvking-Ronaldo.

There's an inescapable feeling of joy in one's gut when you witness the inceptions of (potentially) great things. I like writing, you see. And I get beside myself with pride, and joy when people think my prose is not that bad. I know how perverted it seems to cherish the opinions of strangers over the internet, but hey, Vox populi, Vox dei.

So I had the honour of guest-posting on a blog I follow religiously; naijasinglegirl.net & the feedback on the comments section has been awesome. Click HERE to read.
Also, I did a review of an upcoming artiste's LP. The guy is a friend too. I had fun writing that coz I did it for a fee *giggles*, but I've been unable to contact the blogger that posted my review for permission to repost on this blog. You can read the review HERE

Forgive me for getting ahead of myself, and I trust you'll ignore the braggadocio, but that feeling I got in 2003 at that viewing centre? I feel the same way about myself. I feel like I'm gonna be great.

Rather disturbingly, I had the same feeling when Jonathan came into power. So you can forget everything you just read about my incepting greatness, and watch my writing career crumble like a pack of cards.
Or not!

--->>>Captaincue (*****, please don't kill my vibe)

BETTING TIPS (21/02/2015)

TOTTENHAM vs WEST HAM
Rumour has it that big, fat SAM will be leaving at the end of the season. Perhaps that has affected the team. In the battle of the hams, there's no ham in betting on a Tottenham victory.
Home win.

EVERTON vs LEICESTER
Everton played with the swagger of last season in their Europa league victory; scoring four goals in the process. I'm still not fully convinced.
Over 1.5

SOUTHAMPTON vs LIVERPOOL
On our family comp, I remember I did something with my console and super Mario defied the laws of gravity. The motherfucker floated in the air and flew past 'home'. I had to restart the game and lose a bet.  It did not make any sense. And I suspect this tip won't make any sense:
Liverpool victory

CELTIC vs HAMILTON
In the dick-measuring contest of the Europa league, Celtic had the same size against one of them big-boys (Internazionale). A whopping 3inches. I keep telling you people, size is not everythi... (*taps mic* is this thing working?)
Comfortable home win

WILLEM II vs AJAX
A tasty odd of over 2.0 on an Ajax win here. As you should know, I love spicy, tasty things served to me on a silver. Red wine to boot.
Ajax win

SUNDERLAND vs WEST BROM
West brom are in swashbuckling, mid table firm. Sunderland are in dire straits.
No prizes for guessing what I'm staking on.

SWANSEA vs MAN UTD
The result of this United team is not up to the sum of its parts and I lay the blame squarely at the feet on LvG and his faux philosophy. Still, the bastards should have too much for Swansea.
United win

IPSWICH vs READING
Old, fat, chewing-gummy Yakubu is back in England. With Reading. Reading have been blowing hot n cold for a while now. Worth a punt though, even if its just to watch Yak miss from a yard out and spoil my accumulator.
X2

AUSBURG vs BAYER LEVERKUSEN
Away win

That's your lot for the weekend. Best of luck boys.

Yours in tipstery:
Captaincue

BETTING TIPS (14/02/2015)

This past week was my birthday (Wednesday). There was no birthday sex, there were lots of birthday texts, and wishes, and prayers and all such valuable but intangible stuff. I'm not gonna throw a tantrum and do a Yaya Toure. There was just a lot of time for sober reflection. Or drunken reflection -- some might say. Reflection is the keyword.

When I examined the circumstances, the happenings & non-happenings around and about me, I think Alhamdulilai is what I should say.

That over with, here's your tip for the weekend:

BOURNEMOUTH vs HUDDERSFIELD
I've had an eye on the home side all season as they continue to churn out results week after week. Its high time I staked big on them.
Bournemouth victory

BLACKPOOL vs NOTTINGHAM FOREST
Forest have arrested their decline by changing their coach; something that has seen them win two in a row. I think Nigeria should follow suit.
Away win

TORINO vs CAGLIARI
Comfortable win for Torino. They've been that good.

There will be wins for:
PSG
Napoli
Both Milan sides
Sunderland
Stoke
Both Madrid sides
Barca
Valencia
and Juventus.

Apologies for the pithy tips. I'm putting in a 4hour shift at work this morning. I'll gist you people.

Good luck boys

Yours in tipstery,
Captaincue (Happy Val. Do not make babies...!!)

O Captaincue! My Captaincue!

“
O Captain! My Captain! our
fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every
rack, the prize we sought is
won;
The port is near, the bells I hear,
the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady
keel, the vessel grim and
daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of
red,
Where on the deck my
Captain lies,
Fallen cold and
dead.
O Captain! My Captain! rise up
and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is
flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon'd
wreaths—for you the shores a-
crowding;
For you they call, the swaying
mass, their eager faces turning;
Here captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your
head;
It is some dream that
on the deck,
You've fallen cold
and dead.
My Captain does not answer,
his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm,
he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and
sound, its voyage closed and
done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship,
comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O
bells!
But I, with mournful
tread,
Walk the deck my
captain lies,
Fallen cold and
dead.
”
O Captain! My Captain! is a poem written by Walt Whitman in 1865 to celebrate the life of Abe Lincoln.

I'm gonna use the same format in the following poem, but I'll alter the words. Here goes:

   "
O Captaincue! My Captaincue!
Your daunting voyage is underway
You have no idea what nautical terms to use
But you know you'll do just okay

Your dreams are this close, yet they're still so far
Getting ever closer to your goals
A beautiful sight on the horizon
Your ship sailing -- steady as she goes

But O heart! Heart! Heart!
O the bloody tears of anguish
When you were marooned by damaging self-doubt
Constraining potential you should unleash

O Captaincue! My Captaincue!
Back in the saddle, you fucking bastard
Don't give a rat's derriere whose ox you gore
Realize most of your fears are fictional like Asgard

Whenever you're on the verge of despair
Think dear Captain -- Think!
Think of all the battles you've fought
Think dear Captain -- Think!
Think of all the lessons you've been taught
Think dear Captain -- Think!
Think of all the problems you should sort
Think dear Captain -- Think!
Some day, you'll be planted in the ground -- by your lonesome -- left to rot
Think dear Captain -- Think of all these
Will you give it your best shot, or will you not

Rise like a Phoenix
Remember these as your journey into the
world
Let hard work be your prefix
Be different like a remix

You have your heading dear Captaincue
Weigh anchor and set sail
Towards the shore of your goals
May the odds forever be in your favour.
                                             "

A chronically happy birthday Captain. Enjoy.

--->>>Cue (just thought I'd write me a lil something before heading out)

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (07/02/2015)

As usual, we are gathered here to make some serious money off those motherfcvkers. Have a meritorious weekend. Without further ado:

TOTTENHAM vs ARSENAL
There was a story this week about Clark Carlisle, an ex-footballer who got hit by a lorry in his native England. In actual fact, he jumped in front of the lorry coz he wanted to die & 'end it all'. After weeks in hospital, he came out to apologize to the driver of the lorry who must've been seriously traumatized. Mr Carlisle was depressed you see! People still snigger at people with 'mental' illness. It is 2015 people. We cannot be oblivious to it. Depression exists. If anyone reading this is in a similar state, please talk to someone immediately. Anyone. When you have another perspective to view things from, you're well on your way to wellness.
Phew.

Its all in the head, isn't it! For a decade now, Tottenham have been threatening to catch their North London neighbours, only to bottle it at the very end. Both teams are in really good nick going into this one and I'm going to err on the side of caution here.
Over 1.5 goals.

MAN CITY vs HULL CITY
Routine Manchester city win over a woefully out of form Hull.
Home win

EVERTON vs LIVERPOOL
When a man takes his own life, its called Suicide.
When a man takes another's life, its a Homicide.
When there's a mass killing, its a Genocide.
When you kill unwanted guests, you use a Pesticide.
When there are two teams in a large city with no Premier League Title between them, we call it Merseyside.
Over 1.5goals

MIDDLESBROUGH vs CHARLTON
1X

WOLFSBURG vs HOFFENHEIM
A famous victory over Guardiola's soldiers is still fresh in memory. An excellent side.
Big win for Wolfsburg

RENNES vs MARSEILLE
Marseille have been a little wobbly of late. I don't like. Normal services will resume in this one.
Away win

ATLETICO vs REAL
When people see a boy like myself (gangly, and a little nerdy) go after a classy girl, I imagine they turn up their noses and tell themselves he couldn't possibly sleep with THAT chick. Yet, he bleeps her. Repeatedly. Using all the styles in that Kamasutra flick. And Atletico keep bleeping Real. This one is hard to call for me.
Over 1.5goals

BILBAO vs BARCA
over 2.5goals.

GUINGAMP vs MONACO
Monaco. Hmmm. A girl has a sugar daddy that sponsors her education at Harvard. 4semesters into her education, the man drastically cuts his supply of cash. It shakes the girl initially, but those few semesters have rubbed off on her such that she can still hold her own in a community of degree holders.
Double-chance on Monaco because she's a dropout.

Also, bet on straight victories for Porto and PSV.

11games. That should do very nice with our agreed 200 Naira.

Its a wrap boys.
Yours in tipstery;
Captaincue.

THE PALM-WINE DRINKARD (Amos Tutuola)

SUMMARY
The Palm-Wine Drinkard (and his dead Palm-Wine Tapster in the Dead's Town) is a Yorùbá folkloric novel that tells the tale (from first-person perspective) of a man named "Father Of Gods Who Could Do Anything In This World" who has an undying love for Palm-wine, as he sets out to find his prolific, albeit dead tapster. His story is one of journey within journey; each with increasingly strange creatures. And circumstances. And demands...

THE PLOT
The book opens, as the title might've implied, with a man telling us he has been drinking since he was 10. He owned, by virtue of his father's affluence, a huge farmland with numerous palm trees where an expert tapster would tap a hundred and fifty kegs of palm wine everyday -- a quantity he finishes before 2pm.

Then his tapster fell from the neck of a tree and died. While mourning the loss of his great, loyal servant, he recollected that 'old people' say that dead souls live in an otherworldly place after death -- rather than go straight to heaven. So he set out to find his dead tapster.

In exchange for info about the whereabouts of his tapster, he undertook a series of assignments for an oldman (a god) that was willing to trade him the location of his dead tapster if he (FatherOfgodsWhoCouldDoAnythingInThisWorld) could abduct death. With cunny trickery and no small amount of juju, he surprises everyone by successfully capturing death in a net, upon which everyone in that town dispersed and he, disgruntled at not knowing the location of his tapster, dropped death. Since then, death has had no permanent place to dwell...

He went on another assignment to rescue a girl who followed "an unknown man's beauty"; another mythical creature with borrowed body parts. The lady was betrothed to him, she conceived a baby in her thumb..

On his travels, he saw drum beat itself, heard song singing, saw dance dancing and also heard laugh laughing..

MY VERDICT
"....this palm-wine tapster was tapping 150kegs of palm-wine every morning, but before 2pm, I would've drunk all of it"

That statement is in the opening paragraph of the book. You now what you're in for! A litany of fantastical tales filled with humorous exaggerations. Written in a tattered, yet understandable kinda English, one will find, at various intervals in the book, lots of pointless, unfunny literature. Yet, there are amusing bits within the confines of the book: "...there we saw a man who was walking towards his back or backwards, his both eyes were on his knees, his both arms were at his..."

The apologues are really entertaining as well.

Fantastical literature do not excite me, but this is one of those should-read books as a Nigerian. Late Amos Tutuola was a pioneer; in that his was one of the first African novels published in the English Language. The Palm-Wine Drinkard was first published in 1952!!
1952!!

MY RATING
Not bad

----CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (31/01/2015)

People of the betting confraternity. We are gathered here today to resume our arduous quest of winning 2million naira by staking 200 naira on a couple of games every (other) weekend.
Pull up a sit...

PSV vs Willem II Tilburg
Willem II Tilburg. What a name. But that's about all that's remarkable about the club. PSV came through for me last week after coming back sharp as when they went on winter break. A banker.
PSV win

BRADFORD vs COLCHESTER
LOL. I don't usually include these lower league teams in my accumulators coz they're an unreliable bunch but lemme put this into perspective: If for some reason, I had the opportunity to have sex with a beautiful Russian girl, say, Maria Sharapova on my birthday, would you people not accord me some respect for the week that follows at least? You would eh? Then why the fuck wouldn't I tip a Bradford victory this weekend. After all, they just eff'd a Russian woman by the name of Chelski.
Bradford win.

BRENTFORD vs MIDDLESBROUGH
See above.
Boro win.

CESENA vs LAZIO
Lazio are totally playing outta their skin right now. The team from the capital will edge this. A banker.
Lazio victory

REAL MADRID vs REAL SOCEIDAD
I would tip a routine home win at the Santiago Bernabeu (great man! Wiki him) but there's the small matter of a CR7-sized crater in the Madrid side. Plus, we all know David Moyes is a plucky little bastard.
Draw/1x

EIBAR vs ATLETICO MADRID
Coached by a man who looks like a Mexican drug Lord straight out of those Hollywood movies, the drug Lord has quietly put together a team not only strong in depth, but has some considerable width as well. Quietly. That's how WE like to operate.
Away win

I did this over a cold bottle at a bar, but that's not why I'm making these next tips. When I saw the fixtures, did the reconnaissance survey on the teams, this is what I came up with:
Over 1.5goals in all EPL games. I swear I wasn't drunk. Honest. Walaitalai...

That's the end of today's service. I'll post a review of a Nigerian book during the week. And other stuff that pops up in my brain.
Until then...
Be excellent.

Yours in tipstery;
---->>>>Captaincue

EVERY LITTLE HELPS...

There's such a thing as rehearsals,  where artistes practice before climbing the podium to perform songs; mostly from earlier in their careers. When I listen to Saheed Osupa effortlessly render a line from MasterBlaster; an album two decades old (give or take), I marvel at the kinds of brain God blessed some people with -- AND the kind HE (GOD) cursed some of us with.

Academically, I'm bang average. I would say: 'generally, I'm bang average' but I won't, coz I come up with some complex thoughts occasionally that puts my (self)perceived dumbness in question.
I'm typing this without ever really putting it in longhand -- so I'll take an example of such 'complex thinking' from the paragraph above where I wrote "..the kinds HE (GOD) cursed some of us with."
Typing that, I thought; why do I think God is a HIM. Could HE be a SHE? Does (S)HE exist? How did (S)HE come to exist?
God was there in the beginning, no? What was there before the beginning!
Whether you believe in evolution or creationism, when your thinking takes you to these dizzying realms, you actually enjoy the debate with self until you feel yourself standing perilously on the cliff of insanity.

When I started this little blog, I knew there's a perpetual search for happy-ness by most everyone & I thought I'd contribute my little token to everyone's hustle by posting stuff I learn about being happy. So I wrote a catchphrase at the top lefthand corner of my blog which I hoped would catch on. The catchphrase was "Every Little Helps".

Then about a month later, I settled down to watch Wrestlemania when a Tesco advert came on & at the end of that ad, they wrote & said: "Tesco.......every little helps". What the fuck!! This was MY catchphrase. Mine! So I googled Tesco & found that the company was opened in 1919; now a multinational company with a revenue of £70billion & more than 6000 megastores worldwide! Fucking Tesco...

So I removed that pithy catchphrase & licked my wounds. The silver lining was that I came up with something that smart in the first place; (having never heard of Tesco) -- something such a huge company paid a lot of money to professionals to come up with.
Maybe I'm not that bad after all.

If you're one who insists on getting "the moral of the story", here it is: When in dire straits happiness-wise, look for the positive things you've done in your life. Give yourself a high five; Barney-Stinson-style, roll a blunt & smoke a joint/go to church/drink with friends/talk to someone smart/listen to music at full volume or do whatever you do to get troubling stuff out your mind. Cut yourself some slack. Give yourself some credit.
The positivity & accompanying perspective will return in time & you'll be good to go again.

---->>>>Captaincue (that's how I get by...)

BETTING TIPS (24/01/2015)

BLACKBURN vs SWANSEA:
Remember the Blackburn side that had Santa Cruz, Pedersen (Morten Gamst), Bentley et al in the squad? Those days are long gone. Swansea's second string side will get the job done. For shizzle
Swansea win

BIRMINGHAM vs WEST BROM
The Pulis magic is working in the Midlands, as I predicted! Seriously, don't clap. I mean it, don't look at me any differently.
West Brom win

SOUTHAMPTON vs CRYSTAL PALACE
Over 1.5 goals thank you very much.

BRISTOL vs WEST HAM
West Ham's strength in depth & size of width is astonishing. Big squad. Won't be a straightforward victory, but will be a West Ham victory nonetheless.

ROCHDALE vs STOKE
Stoke win. Cupset my 'D'

BRIGHTON vs ARSENAL
I see nought but a very easy Arsenal win. With lots of goals to boot
Arsenal win/ over 3.5goals.

CAMBUUR vs PSV
The winter break hasn't affected PSV's excellence. I still think they'll shake off the attentions of Ajax and win the Eredivisie.
PSV win.

Good luck boys.

Yours in tipster-y;
Captaincue

EQUATORIAL GUINEA, OBIANG, HUMANITY

Usually, before a football-ing tournament gets underway, I read up on the host country(ies)... you know? The geography, the geology & all those things. Academic commitments, real life challenges I have to obliterate & a general disinterest prompted by the frequency of the cup of nations have not allowed me do the reconnaissance study I'm wont to do. But then I caught some highlights on TV last night and I did a quick Google search of the host country of the 2015 tourney: Equatorial Guinea. Hence, this piece.

Upon independence in 1968 (from Spain), Francisco Nguema was elected as President. In '72, he created a single-party state and made himself President for Life; eliminating all opposition in a reign of terror until he was ousted in a bloody coup d'etat by his nephew Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo in '79.
After initially relaxing dictatorship strings, his rule has become increasingly worse than his Uncle's! Nepotism, malevolence, torture, oppression, ethnocentrism, blatant corruption of 'fuck-you' proportions typify a man who is, to put it mildly, a terrible human being.

1. An oil-rich country with a population of just 650,702 (2012)
2. The richest country per capita in Africa ($23,133), 69th in the world
3.One of sub-Sahara's largest oil producers
4. Due to uneven distribution of oil money, a select few benefit from proceeds
5. 50% of the population (>300,000people) do NOT  have access to clean drinking water. (UN)
6. 20% of children die before age five.
7. The authoritarian government boasts one of the worst human rights records in the world
8. Women & children are subjected to forced labour & sex trafficking
9. All broadcast media are either owned by government or controlled by its allies
10. The President's son, Teodorin is Vice President and a government minister, who inflates contracts awarded to his company by daddy.
11. The man favours his son to succeed him when he passes.
12. ....on & on it goes.

My gripe? Ever since I learnt to read, I've been appalled by the lack of common human decency the world over. Power corrupts, evidently. But I often wonder, do these people not see what their people are going through? What do they know that we don't? I guess it just pains me that power rests in the hands of a minute fraction of a people. I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore.
Its just not fair.

Cue (fuck).

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (17/01/2015)

ASTON VILLA vs LIVERPOOL
Four of the last six games between these sides have resulted in over 2.5 goals. Villa are a poor side, but Liverpool are a resurgent team and they'll surely get a result at Villa park.
2X/over 1.5

QPR vs MAN UNITED
Normally, this would be one of my bankers, but LvG's tinkering is plain stupid, and its costing United valuable points. Goals are the surest bet in these games.
Over 2.5

SWANSEA vs CHELSEA
This will be tight, but Chelsea will pip it.
Chelsea to win 1-0

TOTTENHAM vs SUNDERLAND
Home win. Of course.

EMPOLI vs INTERNAZIONALE
Mancini changed from the fashionable but ineffective 3-5-2 to a 4-something-something and Inter are already better for it. This shi ain't rocket science after all.
Shame on you Louis van Gaal. Shame on you.
Inter victory, & that's a banker!

LAZIO vs NAPOLI
BTTS

AC MILAN vs ATALANTA
Milan are clearly a work in progress, but Inzaghi; the man who was born offside will push them over the line.
Slim Milan win.

JUVENTUS vs HELLAS VERONA
Juventus are playing brilliantly and scoring shitloads of goals. Long may that continue.
Juve win.

LENS vs LYON
Lyon are the form team in Europe right now and are rather surprisingly second in Ligue 1 albeit with a goal difference better than Marseille's and PSG's.
Lyon win. Sure banker!

MAN CITY vs ARSENAL
Both teams will score. Simple as..

Bet big on Derby, Wolves, Both Madrid sides & Barcelona.

Good luck people,
Yours in tipster-y,
Captaincue.

THE RAGMAN'S SON

SUMMARY
Kirk Douglas was born Issur Danielovitch in Amsterdam, New York City in  December 1916 to a remarkably poor family of nine. THE RAGMAN'S SON (1988) details his rise from the nothingness of a  humble beginning through decidedly tough circumstances to the ultimate triumph of (literally) Hollywood proportions.

THE PLOT
The book opens with a background of his parents; Jewish Russians who migrated to New York whence his dad collected rags, scrap metal and junk for coins off a wagon driven by a single horse. He had six sisters and a loving mother. 

Due to the tough love he got from his father, he grew up a shy boy and had a lot of rage in him; hence the need to express himself physically by joining the wrestling team in school. He acted in high school plays, did a lot of petty jobs to put himself through college before proceeding to a drama school on a scholarship.

He joined the navy in '41 and was discharged in '44 on medical grounds.
Eventually he acted in small pictures before securing a 7-movie contract with 'Uncle Walt' (Walt Disney himself), wriggling his way out that contract, acting in blockbusters, acting in ones that didn't bust any blocks and discussed his numerous women and accompanying sexcapades before the book peters out with an epic description of how he knew his time (as the main man) was up.

MY VERDICT
Biographies are my favourite genre of books. I like to know that people who became successful in their fields overcame life's many vicissitudes to be what they are. In that vein, this book doesn't disappoint as its rich in rich tales that, regardless of geography, one can totally relate to.
Tough love leading to inhibited kids? Check.
Inhibition leading to bottled up emotions? Check.
Strive for self-improvement? Check.
Attaining dreamy heights? Check.

There are pithy anecdotes about famous people that he knew & met; Sinatra, Reagan, Roald Dahl, Stanley Kubrick, de Laurentiis, Walt Disney & Marilyn Monroe, about whom he quipped: "...the public insists on its fantasies of Hollywood. Marilyn Monroe, on the screen, is the sexiest woman in the world. In real life, she was blah. And always late." Lol

Its also wonderfully rich in lessons on dealing with women, stopping to enjoy the good things that happen, giving his kids the metaphorical pat on their backs (like his father didn't) among other timeless topics. It has wonderful pictures to boot.

There are passages on how he lost most of his wealth to his best friend and agent, playing a movie role that almost destroyed him, and my favourite paragraph in the book: "I am thankful for all my friends. How few of them one really has. How much more important they become as you get older." That brought a tear to my eye.

All in all, the book is sometimes angry, occasionally funny, at times arrogant:
"I am not going to marry your daughter, but a time will come when you'll wish I had"...AND at other times, absolutely crazy:
"I drifted around, met lots of girls. I knew men who had sex with a different girl every night. I never understood it. I understood it less after I did it for a while. It wasn't satisfying; like Chinese food -- an hour later, you're hungry again...after about 2months, I began to wonder; what am I doing? Masturbation has more meaning. At least you develop a better relationship with your fantasies."

MY RATING
Its a thoroughly enjoyable read.

---CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

WEEKEND TIPS (09/01/2015)

SUNDERLAND vs LIVERPOOL:
Brendan Rodgers talks too much. The man always says things that makes you think he's some sort of genius. He'll have you believe Liverpool have been excellent. They haven't been.
X2

EVERTON vs Man City:
Everton put all their summer transfer money into a Lukaku shaped basket; totally neglecting defensive reinforcements. Safe to say it hasn't worked out spectacularly well for them.
Over2.5

WEST BROM. vs HULL CITY
In Tony Pulis, the Albion side have unveiled an underrated manager who'll harness the undoubted potential of a good side. You'll see.
West Brom win

PALACE vs SPURS:
Over 2.5 goals.

CELTA VIGO vs VALENCIA:
3 victories in their last three league games, including an impressive scalp over a tiring Real side. The streak will continue.
Valencia win.

GRANADA vs SOCEIDAD:
David Moyes > LvG. Wait, wait. I'll prove it.
Against Arsenal, LvG's United had 1shot & scored 2goals.
Against Barcelona last week, Moyes' team had zero, I repeat: ZERO shot(s) & scored a goal. So, Q.E.D, David Moyes > LvG.
That said, after beating the mighty Barca last week, now watch Real Soceidad do the most DavidMoyes-y thing by limping to an eye watering draw at Granada.
X2

NAPOLI vs JUVENTUS:
In this thing of ours (providing football tips), one has to be confident. Most would bank on a fairly straight forward Juve win, but most would be wrong. Juventus have drawn 3 of their last 5 league games. Napoli have won their last two games & are playing some beautiful stuff. Long story short:
Napoli win. (Doublechance it if its in your accumulator)

INTER vs GENOA
My imagination is pretty strong & when I say Inter-Genoa three times with my eyes closed, I can picture Podolski doing fuck all until the 87th minute when hell pounce on a bouncing loose ball & hammer a thunderbastard of a shot that'll break the goalkeeper's hand & get Mancini the 3points he almost won against Juventus last week.
I also picture a lot of women naked, but that's a topic for another day.
Inter to win by 2 boobs.

St Mirren vs ABERDEEN:
Aberdeen's form reads like; WWWWW. St Mirren won't stop another double-U.
Aberdeen win.

DUNDEE vs MOTHERWELL
an astonishing 4.00 odd on a Motherwell victory. Are they mad? Anyway, its not my business.
Motherwell win.

The ones I can't tip on my blog are:
Man United, Roma, Middlesbrough, Sassuolo, Sporting Lisbon, Lyon & Marseille.
Were I to stake on those teams, I would doublechance them all. But I'm not tipping them, so pretend you didn't see the last paragraph.

Finally, for the audacious tip of the weekend, I can almost smell an Atletico victory at the Nou Camp. Worth a punt.

I hope to show you people my winning ticket on Monday.

Good luck boys.

---->>>>Captaincue. (Isè yén)

THE SPIRIT OF THE NOW

When I wrote hustler on my Twitter bio, I really was down for pure, unabridged, full blown hustling. I wasn't aware it entailed being woken up at 7 in the am, going with my agriculturist neighbour to his Church member's house. We got there, got straight to work. Work here having the meaning of fishing 80kg of catfish out the pond, killing them in a fishy genocide, de-gutting them, washing them over and over and over again, folding 'em gorgeously and putting the lot in the oven. It was tough on my back, but there's this feeling that comes with making money from the strength of one's back. You'll end up exhausted but your morale will be sky high.

I'm not really one for resolutions & all such beautifully titled yet vacuous things. In fact, I'm not a fan of tagging things, as I feel giving them titles constricts what you can achieve by them. The exact same reason I like undefined relationships. I mean I can be carrying out my boyfriending duties as you are fulfilling your girlfriendship obligations towards me. Just don't let us call it 'boyfriend & girlfriend' coz that leaches the spontaneity; gradually eroding the fun until the eventual breakup. Before long, you go a day without calling & its like, 'dude, why didn't you call'. It becomes a duty -- a burden of sorts, rather than remain something you look forward to.

My point? I saw a couple 'New Year  Resolutions' on social media & decided to make some myself -- with no apparent success I must say. By my reckoning, one doesn't have to categorically state "I'll hit the gym regularly, I'll eat right, I'll learn swimming, I'll try to hit double figures in the number of the opposite sex I bed...". I think it goes without saying that I plan to do all (most) of these, and then some.
A drastic, holistic improvement is always the goal for me.

But I wanna be a part of the zeitgeist too. So I'll say some of the things I'll do this year (but won't call them resolutions). I WILL publish stories this year. I vowed to make lots of money in 2015 & as it is, I already made a couple thousands doing the odd jobs I told you about. I will do the obligatory NYSC thing too & lots of other stuff. Its gonna be eventful.

Thus far, the year has been copacetic. I'm well aware its early days yet, but I hope these signs are ominous harbingers of a brilliant 361 days ahead.

P.S: I'll like to hit you with a book review before the week runs out. And any other stuff that pops into my brain in between. Have a good one.

---->>>Captaincue ('I want to buy 20 fish' sounds..uh, fishy! Go ahead, say it out loud..)

Cue's 2014 Remarkable Moments

In no particular order, here are the ones I can remember:
1. Wenger's shove on Mourinho.
--> There is something beautifully strange when you see a 64 year old threatening to beat up a 50-something year old. Safe to say Jose got under Wenger's public patina of sophistication, and the result was something you don't see everyday.

2. The FIFA World Cup.
--> Against the backdrop of public protests by citizens on the economic implications of hosting that tournament, the World Cup was still a beautiful spectacle. Brazil were a joke, Musa was sublime AND there's something about seeing grown women supporting their country in bikinis. Very, very patriotic!

3. Boko Haram.
--> Somebody make this stop. Please.

4. C-fcvking Ronaldo.
--> I watched this guy's debut for United in 2004. Watched him develop into the player he is. A sporting hero of mine. Is it wrong that I plan to name my son CR7? It is..? I can't hear you.

5. G.E.J's laughable quotes.
--> My pick of the bunch has to be "...over 70% of what's called corruption, even by EFCC & other anti-corruption agencies is not corruption but COMMON stealing".
Trying to insult the intelligence of citizens is awful.

6. Ebola
--> Arrest, curtail & eventual defeat of the dreadful disease in Nigeria. Shout out to everyone involved; most especially those that lost their lives in the process. Here's to hoping there's no recurrence.

7. Patrick Sawyer.
--> Pariah!!

8. I.S.I.S
--> Stop giving Islam a bad name.

9. 9.3million dollars arms deal.
--> Some people are trying to embarrass Nigeria; with some success one must say. Fuck all those involved.

10. Atletico Madrid
--> For breaking the hegemony of Real & Barca in La Liga. Was quite refreshing seeing the underdogs come out tops.

11. 'Man Accidentally Kills Himself Taking Selfie With Gun'
--> Smh. Everything wrong with a generation summed up in that headline.

12. David Moyes.
--> A good man woefully out of his depth. Was mercifully put out of his misery by the sack.

13. Mass Failure at Nigerian Law Schools
--> Ehya.

14. Threat to Ponmo.
--> I actually wrote a piece about this: http://captaincue.blogspot.com.es/2014/09/ponmo.html?m=1. It better remain a threat.

15. Shmurda dance.
--> Funny dance step. I actually know how to do the dance. I know it means the square root of nonsense, but it still makes me feel good.

16. Double Wahala's backup vocals.
--> Maddening.

17. San Antonio Spurs. Die Manschaft.

18. Novak Djokovic.
--> The only athlete with no visible weakness.

19. Alomo bitters. McDowell's whisky. Trophy & Satzenbrau beers.
--> For providing alternate (cheap) alcohol for the poor masses.

20. My Ray Ben.
--> People actually thought I had a Ray Ban. People eh?

21. Akube shorts.
--> For coming in handy on weekends.

22. Alata & Under-G in Ogbomoso. Every hangout in Ilorin.

23. Instagram. FalzTheBadGuy'sInstagram videos. Twitter. BBM. Blogger (application).
--> For obvious reasons.

24. Drake's verse in 'Only'.
--> The world could do with that sort of honesty.

25. Mukaila 'the Modaran Morogo guy'.
--> Hilarity personified.

26. Ileya rams. Christmas chickens/turkeys...

27. TAN.
--> For their "it was not easy for..." advert. Would be funny if it wasn't stupid.

28. Secondhand books, Ebooks, Books gàngán, Kwara state library, Unilorin library & all literati.

29.Doyin Okupe's repeated criminal attempts to delude us.

30. Megbele & Ganga da Garaya.
--> Lord knows I don't understand what Omawumi & Morell said in those songs, but I fvcking love those songs.

31. Yemi Alade's laziness.
--> Why can't she go to Cynthia for tutorials on how to satisfy Johnny.

32. Are you Ghana dance o...
--> Lol.

33. DJ Khaled.
--> His funny use of words in Hold You Down.

34. Women.
--> I like women a lot you see, they fuel my fires.

35. Brock Lesnar
--> His fabulous F5s ended Undertaker's streak at Wrestlemania. And for his ruthless domination of John Cena at SummerSlam.
Roman Reigns was awesome too.

36. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Shoki.
--> Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah shoki
      Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah shoki....
       Lol

37. My Tecno phone.
--> We've been through a lot bro, I will miss you when I upgrade to a better Tecno phone in 2015.

So, I guess that's pretty much 'it'. I'm sure I left some things out...but its only a blog post. The biggest shout out is reserved for everyone who visited my blog in 2014. Here's to a better 2015.
Cheers.

----->>>>Captaincue.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

I was going to post a book review but I decided against it. Then I was going to write an article on a thorny issue that's been prickling my mind, again I shelved that one too. Its Christmas you see, and
I'm in full celebratory mood, so I'll just get a quick word in before I return to the celebrations in earnest. Boys (& girls), if (when) you get drunk, take a taxi home & go for your vehicle later.

You people have been awesome & I am duty bound to wish y'all a very merry Christmas. Its the least you deserve.
Enjoy.

--->>>Captaincue

Weekend Tips (19/12/2014)

Barcelona vs Cordoba:
Christmas has come early for Barcelona. After last week's disappointing draw that saw many a young man punch bar room tables in frustration, they scored an impressive 8goals in midweek. The odds on a Barcelona victory are very short and one might need to  be brave to get any sort of return on this one.
Over 3.5goals

Levante vs Real Soceidad:
"...but Moyes was a good man" cried Man United rivals' fans when he was fired at the back end of last season. Well, my H.O.D is a good man & he sure as hell ain't managing United.
Moyes has found his level -- which is snatching draws away & limping to the occasional victory at home.
2X

Eibar vs Valencia:
This Valencia team are full of effervescent attackers but somehow rely heavily on set plays for their goals. If you're including them in an accumulator; 2X.
If you're one of us (those that hope to win 2billion with 200naira), then bet on a Valencia victory.

Rayo vs Espanyol:
Wouldn't touch this with a 10-foot pole.

PSG vs Montpellier:
They'll bounce back after last week's rotten defeat.
PSG victory

PSV vs Go Ahead Eagles:
One doesn't need to be eagle-eyed to see a PSV win. Go ahead and place that bet.

Derby vs Norwich:
Chelsea clipped highflying Derby's wings in midweek and they'll be eager to get back in the saddle. I see nought but a Norwich victory though.

Blackpool vs Bournemouth:
Who the fuck are Bournemouth? Well, they're top of the Championship. They rested key players in the midweek loss to Liverpool and I see them winning this at a canter.
Bournemouth win

Villarreal vs Deportivo:
Buoyed by a win over Atletico last week, Villarreal will have no problem dispatching a woeful Deportivo.
Comfortable Villarreal victory

Fiorentina vs Empoli: Fiorentina win.

Inter vs Lazio:
Two largely inconsistent teams, but Bobby Mancini's side will edge this one.
Inter win

Excelsior vs Ajax:
Have you seen the movie 'Silver Lining' starring Brad Cooper? I have. You should too. The critics are split over the movie, but I freaking love it. 'Excelsior' was Brad's mantra after leaving a psychiatric facility.
Anyway, Ajax victory

Aston Villa vs Man United:
I saw a girl in school today. After the perfunctory hug, I quickly accused her of not keeping in touch -- & that I'd lost her number. But I was lying. And I know she knew I was lying...but the fact remains that she lost her mojo and her beauty. She's grown pretty again though, and I exchanged numbers with her again.
United's beauty has returned and I'll start calling them again.
Man United victory

Real Madrid vs San Lorenzo:
LOL.

Tottenham vs Burnley:
A 4-0 win over Newcastle in midweek is pretty impressive anyway you slice it. One must say Spurs are in a bit of a purple patch and they'll comfortably defeat Burnley.
Tottenham win

Newcastle vs Sunderland:
A feisty derby that's been edged by Sunderland in the last few meetings. Newcastle will break that jinx though.
Newcastle victory

Liverpool vs Arsenal,
Leverkusen vs Eintracht Frankfurt,
Metz vs Monaco,
Schalke vs Hamburg,
Wolfsburg vs Koln,
Roma vs Milan:
Play over 1.5goals on all these games and watch the rest of the game planning how you're gonna spend your winnings.

Finally, for the audacious tip of the weekend, I can't look past an away Everton victory at Southampton.

Have a good weekend,
Yours in tipstery,
Captaincue.

ENGLISH IS kuku NOT MY LANGUAGE

Metaphorically, your mind is a big file cabinet (mine as well). By my reckoning, the location of the mind is anybody's guess, but I've narrowed it down to the head and the heart. Despite my doubts about its location, there's no doubting its existence and one thing I'm sure of is that my mind has an endless capacity for useless information.

The ease with which I recollect lyrics or number plates of peoples' cars is astonishing. Trying to recollect what you read in an exam hall, or something equally important however is a Herculean task. By tweaking my mind though, I recall this tale I'm going to tell you.

Years ago, I met a girl. A female; someone of the opposite sex (OK you get it). Her spoken English was topnotch -- at first hearing. Over time, we got closer and eventually became acquaintances. Then I realized that while her proficiency in the techniques of communicating with the English language was of no mean standing, the initial zing was exaggerated. It became apparent that I was probably better at speaking the bloody language, she was only faster and used phonetics -- while I, for circumstances beyond my control, espouse ebonics. As is de riguer of a bad, sharp guy, I decided to try my luck with the said pretty girl (not grammatically, I assure you).

I had two baths, took deep breaths & at length assumed several scenarios in my head where it would all go wrong -- all those while almost biting my fingers off. I eventually made the call & my fears came to pass when she didn't pick up. I was beating myself up & pulling my hair out for even having the gumption to try such when she called back.

"Hi cue" she sounded excited
"Hey Chioma" I said in a surprisingly shaky voice.

And then she said it. The best statement ever. (A little puffery isn't uncalled for. Lol)

"I missed your call."

THAT, my dear friends, deflated my already depleted ego. A short while later, I ended the call with a "...I was just checking on you." (I just wasn't!!)

I MISSED YOUR CALL.
Apposite. I know it isn't much, but being a late bloomer on all facets of development; (especially when it comes to using actual words to express myself, through my mouth!) -- I couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of that statement.

Until that moment, I would say "I saw your missed call".

It really gets my goats when peeps use the 'English-is-kuku-not-my-language' line. Just stop it! It really does my head in. An improvement in your vocabulary (not necessarily grammar) inadvertently incites an upgrade in your intellect and communication skills. Its no coincidence that historical leaders & figures were eloquent orators; Gandhi, Mandela, MLK, Sir Alex, Captaincue. Even the motherfuckers; Nero, Stalin, Idi Amin, Adolf...

Look at what our boy Achebe did with his wonderful powers of expression....

Point being , choice of words start fights. Inappropriate use of a combination of words starts conflicts. Ineffective communication start wars. Don't even get me started on what effective communication brings to the world.

Now, communicational ineptitude cost me a relationship with that girl. Unfortunately, some people have paid bigger fines for this same trait -- it has even cost some their lives.
Not 'knowing' English isn't patriotic. Just strive for self-improvement OK? I hope you find your reason.

N.B: by no means am I advocating that English should take precedence over your local language but English is Nigeria's lingua franca as it is. (hate it or not).

As you were guys.

(Cue wasn't a very confident young man)

---CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

Weekend Tips (Friday 12/12/2014)

Burnley vs Southampton:
Burnley are getting points of late & Southampton have lost their last 3games (to City, Arsenal & United) which would've put a little dent on their confidence.
A score draw.

Chelsea vs Hull:
I had a feeling in my gut Chelsea weren't going to win that game at Newcastle; hence my decision to include them out of my tips last week. Matic is back from suspension though, and normal services should resume.
Chelsea victory.

Leicester City vs Manchester City:
Tale of two (-chester) cities by Charles Dickens. I jest. Dzeko to score a brace.
City win, no questions asked.

Getafe vs Barcelona:
My wish is to get laid next week. But I know I won't get laid next week unless I lower my standards and do the girl that sells fruit at the junction. I don't like Barcelona and wish they would lose to Getafe. Wishes aren't horses. So that's two wishes denied in a week. Fucking genie!
Barca win.

Schalke vs Koln:
Schalke are one of the form teams in Europe right now. Maybe that Di Matteo bloke was decent after all.
Schalke victory.

Guingamp vs PSG:
They'll run PSG close, but their superior quality will ensure a comfortable PSG win in the end.
PSG win.

Porto vs Benfica:
Benfica have been rotten. They'll up their game for this one, but it'll amount to little.
Porto win.

Standard Liege vs Club Brugge:
Brugge scored 3unreplied goals the last time they met. The sale of Mitchy to Marseille has taken the wind out of their sails, and Club Brugge are first in the division for a reason.
Club Brugge win.

Wolfsburg vs Paderborn:
With DeBruyne and Perisic owning the midfield with flair and élan, Gustavo cleaning up behind them, Dost and Olic burying those chances; Wolfsburg are deceptively good.
Wolfsburg victory.

Monaco vs Marseille:
Two teams in red hot form. I'll take a raincheck on this one and just enjoy the game.

Man Utd vs Liverpool:
On Tuesday, I was chilling with two of my best friends when the short one left to have coitus with one of his women. The tall one too excused himself to meet one of his women also. Me? I just stretched out on the three-sitter, cursing providence for the dry-patch that I'm in, eating water melon, and crying into my pillow.
Liverpool are just like me at the moment -- in that they have nothing going their way. They are a shambles at the back. In attack...everywhere! Pay attention and read my lips:
Man-United-to-beat-the-shit-out-of-Liverpool.

P.S: Every game I leave out is a tricky one for me to call, & my life is hard enough as it is...I don't want anyone to curse me. Thank you.

Good luck.

--->>>Cue (they didn't even spare me the details!!!!)

Weekend Tips (Friday 05/12/2014)

Barcelona vs Espanyol:
I know its a local derby & all that, but Barca will win this one.

Granada vs Valencia:
Valencia were unlucky to lose to Barca last week. They'll take it out on Granada.
Valencia win.

Rayo vs Sevilla:
Sevilla win or draw. Simple as.

Real Madrid vs Celta:
Lol.

PSG vs Nantes:
Comfortable PSG victory, Ibrahimovic to do a Zlatan i.e; he'll score a bicycle kick and refer to himself in third-person in the post match interview. The bastard.

Bordeaux vs Lorient:
With a rather large odd of a Lorient victory, one would be forgiven for thinking a Bordeaux win a given. Its not.
Lorient to win or draw.

QPR vs Burnley:
2 pisspoor teams, but QPR have some quality players and something informs me QPR will win/draw this one.

Hull vs West Brom:
Avoid these kinds of games bro. Run!!!!

Roma vs Sassuolo:
Haba! Roma to win nah..

Evian vs Lyon:
Evian play some good football. Lyon aren't consistent. I can see a one all draw.
Over 1.5

Marseille vs Metz:
Bielsa walks around with a perpetual scowl. I think he'll stab the players' kids should they not win. And the players are aware of this too.
Marseille win.

Genoa vs Milan,
City vs Everton,
Fiorentina vs Juventus:

Over2.5 for those 3games. Thank me later.

Bayern Munich vs Leverkusen:
Over3.5 goals. I'm sure of it.

Now something audacious to wrap this edition up: I see a Schalke victory at Stuttgart. And the odd is really big too.

Good luck guys...

--->>>Cue (placing 100naira bets since 1759)

The Prince

SUMMARY:
Niccolò di Bernardo Machiavelli, born May '69 -- that's 1469 if you were wondering; was an Italian politician, schemer, writer and philosopher. Precious little was recorded about him until he was 29 in 1498 whence he became the Secretary of war AND  second Chancellor to the Florentine Republic.
Years later, Spanish troops invaded Florentine territory, Machiavelli was dismissed from the Chancery, arrested, tortured, tried for conspiracy and jailed for a year.
Upon release, he retired to his farm with his family and went into studying and writing.

THE PLOT:
The book opens with a diagram of the map of Italy in 1500 -- so the reader can understand the general makeup of the province at the time.

Then there's a 20-page introductory note by Anthony Grafton which is basically background information on the author, his predecessors, and the circumstances in his time.

Assured they've inundated the reader with ample knowledge of the historical makeup of the (Renaissance) period, the book finally begins with a letter by Machiavelli himself to "The Magnificent Lorenzo de Medici"; Leader of Florence.

The Prince begins with a letter from Niccolo Machiavelli to Lorenzo de Medici; one of the Princes of the Medici dynasty -- humbly offering counsel to 'the Prince'. So the book is, on a very basic level, a political analysis byway of advice from an experienced diplomat to a royal Prince.

It covers issues from types of Principalities, to means of coming by them, staying in power, dealing with malcontents, military organization, when and how to be generous/parsimonious, to be cruel/compassionate, disposition of Princes and most importantly, he discusses Fortune (luck) & how much it influences our lives.

MY VERDICT:
I like to think I'm a good person. Admittedly, I might laugh when a girl who refused my advances twists her ankle in 6inch Louboutins. I might engage in a little morose delectation when evil befalls someone I dislike. But when I see a pregnant woman standing in a bus, I'll think 'why the hell couldn't she fcvk someone with a car'...then I offer her my seat.

From the opening pages of the book, Machiavelli leaves the reader under no illusions as to what the content of the book is. In no uncertain terms, The Prince says that Islamic/Christian values/virtues aren't the most effective in becoming an efficient ruler.

Filled with epithets such as:
"...any injury a Prince does a man should be of such a kind that there is no fear of revenge..."

"Men must be either won over or destroyed...".   among others.

The Prince is a wonderful compendium of passages on topics such as greed, acquisition & retention of power, absolutism, constitutionality, changes, People, manipulation, love/fear and dependence on luck.

As a purist, the Prince will come across as a pitiless, unremorseful, irreligious, faithless, treacherous book advocating unscrupulousness and cunny by an immoral author.

As a pragmatist (that I am), the Prince is one of those books that'll put into question all you held to be right/proper/good/virtuous. Its a really powerful book.

After careful evaluation, I've thought it best to espouse some of Machiavelli's teachings. Does that mean I'm not a 'good person' anymore? Is being 'good' a terrible thing for ambition? You'll ask yourself such questions should you read the book....which you should.

MY RATING:
A must-read? Well...that depends.
A should-read? Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---->>>>Cue (I think we all have a little Machiavelli in there, somewhere...)

Spicing It Up

Evening all. How were the inawos, and the Asalatus and the Church service(s). Mine was good too, thanks for asking.

I'm going to shamelessly admit, after weeks of ardent self-deception that I was just trying my hands at blogging until I earn my degree...that this shi has got to me and now I'm emotionally attached to what I do in my spare time. Its just exciting. Its become like an extension of me; an appendage of sorts & I must say its well and truly awesome. Its morale boosting.

Its 5days since my last post and it almost feels like its been too long. Has it? I don't know but a friend told me today that "o ya wehrey ni, oo ni post nkan mi ni?". Feels good to know some people actually look forward to my new posts. Knowing that, dare I not make my entries excellent and well worth the wait?!

I've been racking my brain, thinking of what I could add to my blog to spice it up a little. I came up with an idea and I wanna run it by you people: I intend to provide betting tips to football games. I plan to post these tips on Fridays and it'll be humorous, well-researched, informative and generally worth the while. More on this later.

This week, I'm gonna post a book review, a betting tip on Friday and anything that comes up in between. Apologies for not posting something earlier..its a holistic thing for me, and I don't want to post just to make up the numbers when I'm not feeling up to it. Savvy? Thank you.

See you around. One love

---->>>>>Captaincue (every little helps)

FROM THE NIGERIAN UNDERWORLD

"I used to pride myself on my travels and the experience I got on those journeys. So during the loooooooooooooong holidays, no thanks to one of those ineffective, indefinite ASUU strikes, I decided to pay my friend a visit. And go I went. To a place where I would meet my end.

Unbeknownst to me, there had been a robbery in that neighbourhood a few days prior to my, what I can now call, ill-advised visit - - and agitated folks were on the lookout for strange faces. So I tried to locate the address I had with me, as the bloody network wouldn't let my call through.

Before I could ask for directions however, I was accosted by two hefty, indigenous guys who aggressively tried to snatch my bag to purportedly search it. Civilians like myself fa. I stated my mission in the area and showed them that I only had a laptop and two pieces of clothing in there. Then they started asking absurd questions like could they be sure it wasn't stolen.

One of them, for no apparent reason at all, decides to bless me with the unfortunate approbative thief. As if on standby, a throng of angry-looking bastards appear with pseudo weapons, with clear intent to pounce on me in seconds. I pleaded with them to let me explain myself - - a gesture that they took as a stonewall admission of guilt on my part.

One of those big, burly guys attempted to strike me across the face. I blocked it but did not retaliate. Instead I resolutely tried to make my point. If only I'd known! They thought the blocking was a sign of disrespect towards a 'strong man' in their neighbourhood. So they conveniently chose to ignore the pertinent question of me being/not being a thief...and they decided to 'teach him a lesson'.

Fighting with one person is one thing, getting beat by a mob is another. Blows rained on me from clubs and various pieces of remorseless metal. At that point, young educated chaps like myself  tried out moves they'd only seen in movies and video-games. They struck me. 

They poked me. My skin was pierced. 

My soul; the very essence of my being, was weakened as I became blinded in one eye. 

What housed my teeth was by then, a masticated bloodied gum of bone and sinew. I couldn't speak, I could only make gestures in my head.

I wanted to tell them that the poor network wouldn't let my call through. I wanted to tell them that I'm the first child of my parents. I wanted to tell them that I was gonna return home to help my little sister draw a skeleton in her cardboard. I wanted to tell them that I was gonna dry-clean my mama's clothes. I was going to tell them that...that..

I wanted to scream that I was one of them. I did. I wanted to scream that I'm Nigerian too. I wanted to tell them that being young isn't a function of one's propensity to perpetrate a crime. I wanted to tell them that I wasn't a thief. I wanted to tell them that I had dreams of building a library in my village. I wanted to tell them that I had no problem dying -- I just didn't want to be killed like a sewer rat.

A lingering last look at the women, and men, beating, and watching, informed me of the vanity of trying...not that I could anyway. Blood trickled into my eyes and i couldn't even scratch . I looked up one last time to see a thick metal rod making its way to my head.

Just like that...I became dead. My soul fled to a world beyond this one; to get a panoramic view of things from above. To watch how perverts with blood-filled fetishes who could've opted to not partake, to stop the madness, instead stood there -- with glee; recording the event -- with glee. I watched as some cringed at the gory sight of my once fresh body, and as some spewed 'serves him right' while talking business at a fly-ridden bar.

I could only wonder why I was born in the first place if that's how I had to go. My part is played though, and when all is said and done; I feel sorry for the lot of you."

And it was ever thus.

--->>>@Captaincue

Barawo banza

A good day I trust? Today's piece is one I wish I didn't have to write. With some trepidation however, I pen it. There’s not going to be any witty banter, nor a deliberate attempt at a joke. Years after the Aluu killings -- which for the wide coverage it got in the media, thankfully brought to fore a sickening trend that is seemingly entrenched in the Nigerian society; the concept of Jungle Justice. While some of us are still trying to get over the horrors of what was done to those very young boys — boys who were in my age bracket; there have been, unfortunately and rather disturbingly, a series of recurrences in which alleged criminals were lynched. And burned

Most everyone in Nigeria has a degree of education. Be it formal, or the readily available home training. Common sense doesn't come with education though, as these unfortunate series of happenings have made apparent. I've been a victim of attempted robbery and when a dude was caught in the act weeks later, I swear to God I wanted nothing more than to bash his face in with the bare knuckles of my hands. How could you have the temerity to snatch something you didn't work for. How could you. I grew up piss poor myself, as did millions of other Nigerians, so don't use the economic hardship excuse for me -- I'm not a thief. How could a young man cause psychological trauma to my sisters and my mother...such that whenever they hear a loud bang, they recoil in horror and think 'these people' are trying to smash the door in again. How dare you. How very dare you. 

But I wouldn't allow myself strike him, as he was vulnerable. I would be a coward if I had. Dude was surrounded by the neighborhood, very ashamed, very afraid. Of course some people posited that he be beaten to a pulp to teach him a lesson. I was sorely tempted to take out my anger on the bastard, but it just felt wrong. And the thieves who visited weeks earlier didn't even gain access fa. 

Now imagine being the victim of a successful armed robbery. Imagine you losing your valuables to these fucks. Imagine the anger you'd feel and the accompanying natural tendency to lash out. The law is very fucked in the country I know, and criminals are often spotted roaming the streets weeks after conviction. But is it not an indictment of our moral compass as a society, when an innocent man is wrongfully punished? If we should teach every criminal a lesson, it'll affect someone innocent. I could very well scythe a mob on the law student who's dating the girl I want to date -- just by shouting 'thief, thief, thief'.

Look at those bastards who tortured the alleged 'pepper thief' in Lagos. It just doesn't make sense. What right have they to uphold the law? What happened to habeas corpus -- the right to a fair trial. I can't believe the words coming outta me mouth, but, better to set free a hundred criminals than spill the blood of an innocent woman/man. Its like killing the baby to catch the kidnapper. Its not alright. In the grand scheme of things, you're not helping.

I could write shorter sermons, but when I talk about issues that pray on my emotions, I tend to drone on, and on, and on. That could've been Cue. Or dozens of other people. When the infamous Aluu incident happened, I fictionalized a letter from the underworld; ominously addressed to the lot of us. This one is long enough as it is, so I'll post that letter tomorrow.

Until then. Do the bit you can to stop the rot. And be excellent.

--->>>@Captaincue

BABIES

Sometimes I tire of dealing with mankind and I choose to commune with God's other creations: trees, animals et al.  Not in a schizophrenic kinda way o...just a mere appreciation of God's mysterious works. So when my brain gets saturated, I go to the zoo to unwind. Sometimes I go there with a date; as its a cool spot. Other times I just go with a book and read or I just sit by the stream and watch water streaming down the....stream.

Naturally, I begin with the trees, read their labels and morphology...then I leave for the peaceful animals: ducks, ram, giraffe, donkeys, horses before drifting to the rather bellicose ones: snakes, crocodiles, vultures, eagles, hyenas, ostrich(es). I always save the best for the last; the lions. Do not believe everything you see in those documentaries coz lions are really big. Despite the cages, they're still frightening creatures. A roar will send vibrations through the ground within a 10 meter radius of those creatures.

I got a closeup realtime view of a lion's eyes. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd seen all my life. It was. Then my sisters started having kids, in which case I was allowed to handle those babies in the palm of my hands only a few hours after their birth. Those lovely creatures. Those tender lovely creatures. Those sweet tender lovely little things. So fragile. So tranquil. So dreamy. So lithe. Have you ever witnessed a baby's yawn? Walai its the most beautiful thing you'll ever see. What of the way they cover their eyes with both hands; as if literally guarding against the evil forces of a wicked world. Lol. Babies are pure. Apart from waking parents at ungodly hours of night, they're pretty harmless.

My point? There's no point. I only went to a naming ceremony this evening and got to take a picture with the baby girl. I dunno why I'm emotional about this. Tomorrow I'm not going to school. I'm just gonna sit in the verandah in my shorts, blanket on my shoulders, and look at all the pictures of the babies I have on my phone. And probably cry for the rest of the weekend.

When my neighborhood girlfriend saw this piece, she eyed me in a weird way and asked: "what is wrong with you". A question on so many levels.

--->>>Cue (oh baby, oh baby..)

DREAMS

I wanted to be a traffic warden. As a kid, I just loved the fluid movement of their wrists and fingers gesturing energetically to cars, controlling traffic, averting potential mayhem and generally looking cool in black trousers and orange shirts.  It seemed an interesting job to me as a boy. I was wired that way.

In my earliest years, when peeps would ask me what I wanted to be when I was grown, I would look into the distance and give it some serious thought. Then the conversation would end with "..you're good with your hands & not bad at science at all..you should be an architect."
In truth I thought of the usual things I could become, the usual Nigerian suspects -- doctor, lawyer, engineer; none of which particularly interested me. By my reckoning back then, when Providence shows you your calling, a lightbulb would go on in your head like one of those cartoons, and you'll set after that dream and live happily ever after. I never saw any of those bulbs.

It never rained for me, but when it did (in my teens), it poured. First I wanted to become a footballer. John O'Shea made it..I couldn't be any worse. Then I wanted to be an architect. Then it was a fine artist. Then I just wanted to write. One constant was that I really, really wanted to eviscerate poverty and become rich -- a dream which ignited, and still fuels the burning furnace that is my hustle.

Maybe I wasn't able to figure it out because dreams were somewhat wrongly portrayed as an either/or thing. In retrospect, I can honestly say my inability to pinpoint a 'dream' stemmed from this wrongful notion. Should I be subjugated to a particular field of endeavour when there are a jillion other ventures I can try my hand at? I don't like to think so.

That said, I hope you see I'm not intent on becoming a jackofalltrades average kinda guy, because I don't. I'm just interested in doing several things, any of which would give me immense joy should I manage to achieve considerable success in.

So this past week, I tried completing a short story I've been writing for a while now. And I did. And it might be awful. I'll publish under a pseudonym. That's what I've been up to. So, to those who figure it out early, God bless the hustle. To those who are still finding their purpose, you'll find it soon enough.

I need an editor. Mail me please. We'll chat. Thank you.

I'll see you around. Be excellent.

         --->>>Cue (...moving from nothing to something..)

Everybody Loves Captaincue

If I'm not mistaken (I'm not!), its been a whopping 5days since my last post. A lot has happened in that time. There has been a backlash to Mr Tambuwal's decision to switch allegiance. There has been a backlash to the backlash. I'm really interested in how it pans out. Fingers crossed; there'll be a backlash to the backlash to the backlash in a wonderful convoluted web of political backlashery.

In that brief interlull, I bought and listened to MI's album. Can't do a review. Won't do a review. Not that I couldn't if I set my heart to it, but I guess I'll be doing us all a favour coz I have a peculiar taste in music. With my music player on shuffle, press the next button 5times and you'll probably get something like Terry G's Free madness2 to Enya's Silent Night to Umqombothi to Ace Hood's Bugatti to Clarkson's Breakaway. I guess the concept of good music is subject to an individual's sensibilities. Read one on  tooxclusive or something. For me sha, and I'm saying this on first 'hearing', it took me back to my secondary school days when for weeks on end, all I heard was Van Helsing's hype. I had really high hopes of the film..such that when I eventually saw the movie, I thought it a bit meh. I'm sure I'll like it more when I listen again -- just like I later realized Van Helsing was actually a decent film.

Also, in those five days, I paid a prospective girlfriend a visit. Her cousin was in a really bad mood...or maybe she just wasn't feeling my vibe. That couldn't possibly be the case, could it?! E.L.C.

In 5days, I've bought yet another 200naira earpiece. Why is it that the left side is the first one to stop working. That's one for scientists to work out.

In 5days, I've had someone ask, "..really? this is your blog?!" I guess I don't look like much. Was that a compliment on my work or a slight on my person. It hurt a little.

Its good to be back. Meanwhile, I've somehow hit two-bloody-thousand page views. That's well and truly humbling. School is on, so I'll be blogging erratically over the next few weeks. I have a B.Sc to earn. Still, I might just squeeze blogging into my schedule and do it all. I wouldn't put it past me. Multitasking is one of my strong suits.

Watch this space.

         --->>>Cue (..ife di'nma amaka..better soup na money kill am o...)

LEAVE THE MORROW ALONE

I swear to God I get uber unhappy sometimes, brooding over stuff. Asking God why always me. This phase comes intermittently. These days, thankfully, those intermittencies are few and far in between. In my late teens, it was a far more regular occurrence, which prompted an obsessive self-development voyage. I like to think its paying off. I just want to complete this tedious degree programme of mine. Get a good job. Get filthy rich. Get married to a really beautiful lady in 2022...or thereabouts. Start making some serious money -- but not necessarily in that order. I just wanna be happy, and I imagine we're all in perpetual pursuance of happiness..which is a really vague word in and of itself.

What really constitutes happiness? As I wrote in VALUE FOR MONEY, there are many facets, and philosophy/psychology  has tried to understand the basics of fundamental human thinking. That piece was about satisfaction. This is about worry and apprehension. I'd like it noted here and now that I'm not basing my theory on academic philosophy. Its strictly my thinking that I'm going to present. Thanks.

To substance, I really do think that unhappiness stems from basically two main sources: what happened in the past and what'll happen in future.

To put a little context on this; I'll reminisce. Growing up, my folks would buy stuff -- stuff much bigger than I was, on the premise that I would grow into them. I would get bigger school uniforms, buy ill-fitting shoes. End-result? I didn't like those items. My folks didn't like me not liking those items. Shocker? No one enjoyed it.

The mind gets fickle occasionally. You start wondering if your current situation might've been better had you done things differently in your past. Other times, you just sit there thinking of what would be...if you'd end up happy.

No one knows what the future holds. Sometimes, I get super apprehensive as well. Happens to the best of us. But in one if those self-  books, I found a passage saying "..why worry if you can solve a problem?...if you can't solve a problem, why worry?" or something like that. I.M.O, worrying fosters panic -- which fosters desperation -- which fosters general ineptitude; itself a byproduct of unhappiness.

By all means, plan for tomorrow. Work for tomorrow. Pray for tomorrow. Just remember, (as V. said): "tomorrow, you might get hit by a truck or win a million dollars OR tomorrow you might win a million dollars AND get hit by a truck".
Its a crazy world. Give it your best and strive to be happy. Live for the now. Live in the now.
Our tomorrows will be good.

       --->>>Cue (...I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly...)

We're Back Baby!

Saturday was a bit meh. After breakfast, I had to stake the cucumbers that were starting to crawl in the garden. Weeded the weed, watered the tomatoes, took a shower, went back to bed. Watched the el-clasico & it petered out very nicely.

Right now? I just watched United take on Chelski at the theatre. Bloody hell, we're back. Late equalizer. I fucking love late goals. They're the footballing equivalence of a baby's smile; you poke, tickle, spank, caress, tweak, pinch that baby for that elusive late goal -- and when it eventually comes, its bliss. Pure unadulterated fun. Footballing orgasm.

Shouts out to those who brought dem traditional Arab garbs from Mecca. Good luck to the students that just resumed. The lot that just concluded their NYSC thingy, get out of our houses & get a job. Lol.

Have I missed anything? Not to worry! I'll write an article and post tomorrow. Should be a good one.

---->>>>Cue (glory glory, man united..)

ON THE FENCE

There I was, sat directly behind the taxi driver, chewing gum, checking goal.com for their preview of who United would play at the weekend..when a pretty young girl sat beside me, baby in hand and all that. As we made our way to school, her baby started crying, when upon a sudden, the mother lifted her blouse, adjusted her bra and started to breastfeed the baby..all in one swift movement. I swallowed hard. Here was a girl, pretty much my age (early nineties), bare breast, very beautiful. Naturally, a full blooded young man is religiously obliged to look, but a more moral voice in your head tells you that's someone's mother's breast you're going to look at. It left me with a decision to make.

When I finish a book review, I leave it in my room; untouched, unedited -- and go out for a walk. On these walks, I wrestle with some serious doubt. Is it right for some guy to sit there and critique a book that someone laboriously wrote? Is it right to make a living off of someone else's book..just because you can write!

I no go lie you, a proper critique will say what the author/director did wrong, things he did right, the believability of the work, historical accuracy, stuff that could be improved upon..all these will be found in a review, but its not always in equal measure. At the most, you get in a few lines about what's good about the book/movie...then you coin lovely little phrases about what's wrong about the work.

The negative is what people look out for. That is certainly worthy of criticism, but then you would be criticizing human nature. There are probably thrice as many synonyms for bad as there are for good. But these things have to be done, as when one reads a compendium of reviews and you evaluate the negatives pointed out by those critics, you can then weigh the pros and the cons and decide if the work is worthy of your time.

That's when I make the decision that I'm not doing something bad by critiquing a work. Then I go back home to edit, and post.
*phew* Weight off my shoulders! Thanks for listening..

--->>>Cue (I seriously tried not to look. I really did!!)

GUEST POST: Let them die, Nobody cares.

Woke up to a mail from an aggrieved alumnus of Federal Government College, Ilorin. Pretty sickening, this. Anyway, read and spread.

"I witnessed what can only be described as the height of the display of irresponsibility, negligence of duty, and exhibition of inhumane behaviour as Federal Government Colleges resumed. The unity schools called off the strike for reasons best known to them and fixed the resumption date to be 19th October 2014. The students of Federal Government College Ilorin, had to do their registration by the school gate outside the school with only a few tents around, and rather consternatingly; there was a single table for the registration of all the students -- as against the usual 3-4 tables which would have made registration easier and faster.

Some students were registered while numerous others, including some who got to the school gate around 2:30pm were not registered. It got heated when the School said it had closed registration for the day at 6:00pm and told students who were yet to be registered to go back home. It all appeared like a joke till it turned out to be not; the "normal" process and procedure obtainable since my days in the school was to allow students go in their hostels and complete their registration the next day. This wasn't the case this time, for all we were told was "it is the Principal's order".

Parents pleaded for hours before rain of curses in the Nigerian way began. Some staff smuggled their wards into the school. Some parents took their wards back home or at least where they can pass the night. Students from far North and far South who came with no parents around were begging for mercy but there we stood when the Principal and other "Important staff" of the school drove off to their homes or wherever they were headed. Persistent call from home forced me to leave to school gate leaving the "Secondary students" in the hands of God around 9:00pm.

The rationale behind this decision i wouldn't know; a situation where students were forced to sleep outside under harsh conditions and also considering the state of security of the Nation!

The Principal owes these students duty of care as without them what will she be "Principalling" over.
Issues like this ought to be investigated, questioned and also discussed at PTA meetings but no, everybody is concerned about how funds will be generated and spent. I just hope and pray those children are safe and sound. Those who care are powerless and those with power, do not care."
--->>>Babalola Larthieph.

PS: There's little I can do about occurrences like this, as I'm only a student myself...but something has to be done. If you can do more than I have, please do. You'll be helping the country.

--->>>Cue (concerned citizen)

WHEN IS IT NIGHT

It is never, at any point in time, totally dark the world over. This is the case because the earth revolves around the Sun, while it (the earth) spins on its axis; which is defined as an imaginary line running from North pole to South pole. The earth being a spherical entity, it works out that one half of it (the earth) faces the Sun and is consequently illuminated while the other half, hidden from the Sun is dark. Day and Night they call these two phases. Pretty simple, I think.

However, a little something gives my earth palpitations (see what I did there?). It's something I think about when I retire to my bed and can't fall asleep. It's a nonsense thought I know, but I just need some clarification. There are some caveats, but basically, when its bright, its day and when its dark its night.

Before noon, its morning. After noon, as the name suggests; is afternoon. Now what evening entails is sort of vaguely defined as the period between dusk and when it gets dark. Night however, is very fucked up. When I call a girl up around, say, 8pm..its still 'Good evening'. Just before midnight nko? Say, 11pm. How do you greet someone around that time? Good night doesn't sound right.

When its 1am, its morning already. Is there a night? Yes? When does it begin and when does it end. Idle thoughts on my end. Dunno what the main feature of the week will be, as school is back in session -- but I'll come up with something good; as is my prerogative.

Until then. Be excellent!

--->>>Cue (..dreaming of what could be)

Agbaya?

Morning peeps. This past week, I gallantly battled, and thankfully defeated a rather serious medical condition; the like of which I'd hitherto not had the distinct displeasure of facing. Its something like a boil, but not quite -- as it began with ominous pain in my eye, then quickly metamorphosed into a red eye, a swollen eyelid, and a rather hefty bag below my right eye. It fucking looked like I had a scrotum under my eye. Which soiled my mood and made me miserable. Apollo? I wouldn't wish that thing on my enemy.

At the beginning, I stated that I have a keen interest in noticing things that aren't there to be noticed. I was in a bar on Saturday, drinking coke (Lol) when the conversation of the girls occupying the adjacent booth drifted to the porn they found on their uncle's phone. They called him agbaya. Agbalagba dey watch bluefilm, you dey call am agbaya -- its called 'adult movie' for a reason, I think.

I'll do a review of a book authored by a Nigerian this week. Its gonna be legendary. Keep those fingers crossed. In the meantime, be brilliant.

Till then.

---->>>>Cue (I am looking for that shawty...)