WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (02-03/05/2015)

66.7%. That's a B+ grade in school. In this thing of ours, its just a dreadful result. I had 66.7% success in last week's tips. We'll set things right this weekend. Here you go boys:

BLACKBURN vs IPSWICH:
With a combined 30goals in matches featuring these two sides over the past four weeks, it works out at 3.5goals a game. But they're championship sides, so I'm betting big on:
Over 1.5goals

DERBY vs READING:
Derby have been all kinds of inconsistent lately; what with the three draws and two (excellent) wins in their last five. However, Reading are woefully out of form
1X AND Over 1.5goals

MAN UNITED vs WEST BROM:
Two losses on the spin, the last of which cast aspersions on my pedigree as a blooming tipster. United messed up! With doubts over Michael Carrick's inclusion, they'll have their work cut out against a rejuvenated Albion side.
Over 1.5goals

ASTON VILLA vs EVERTON:
It has to be said, Everton were excellent against a naive Man United the other week; catching their visitors on the counter. Aston Villa know that they MUST score goals and earn points to fight off relegation. Over 1.5goals? That goes without saying really.

VfL WOLFSBURG vs HANNOVER:
After losing to 'Gladbach at the weekend, Wolfsburg bounced back emphatically with a scintillating 4-0 drubbing of Bielefeld in the German cup. Do I see a repeat? Yes. Am I putting my money on it? No.
1X

VALENCIA vs EIBAR:
They've been a bit wobbly in recent weeks, but Valencia can't mess this up. Not gonna happen
Home win

INTERNAZIONALE vs CHIEVO:
Roberto Mancini is on to something at the Milan club, I tells you. Clearly, they're not the finished article yet, but they're getting there. So I'll confidently doublechance his side.
1X

LYON vs EVIAN:
Optimists are backing Lyon to win the league. Realists, like myself, are sure PSG will win the thing. I'm uber confident they'll make light work of Evian, which is betting speak for "doublechance them"
1X

NAPOLI vs AC MILAN:
I really, really, really like Brock Lesnar. His mean streak, his agility, his speed, his strength, his mobility, his sheer arrogance. What I love most about him is that he left the WWE (which is mostly a scripted entertainment) to pursue a career in the bloody real UFC. He became world champion there. Upon his return to the WWE, he ended The Undertaker's streak at Wrestlemania. When questioned about his prospects of defeating John Cena at Royal Rumble, he quipped: "I just beat The Undertaker. ITS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE people, why wouldn't I beat John Cena!!"

Apologies for the tale, I just wanna use that phrase. When Napoli/ACMilan are not scoring plenty of goals, they're conceding 'em. Its not rocket science people!
Over 1.5, and that's a sure banker.

CORDOBA vs BARCELONA:
Cordoba are ripe for relegation. Paradoxically however, they do not concede that many goals and peeps might be surprised to find that Barcelona will field a second string side; with eyes firmly on their Champions League semifinal in midweek. I see an upset on the cards.
Tip: I'll just watch the over bloated 'fight of the century'

NANTES vs PSG:
I felt sorry for my compatriot, Vincent Enyeama last weekend as PSG put six past him. They followed that up with a 3-1 victory. I think this one writes itself really.
PSG win AND Over 2.5goals

NORWICH vs FULHAM:
Upon arduous research, I'll keep this one simple.
Over 1.5 goals. No questions asked.

AS ROMA vs GENOA:
Goals. They've made me 17k in the past month. A thousand short of Nigeria's minimum wage. I don't even have to care about who wins.
Over 1.5

SAMPDORIA vs JUVENTUS:
I love these games. Bet on an 'over 1.5', watch the bet come through before halftime and enjoy the rest of the game.

TOTTENHAM vs MAN CITY:
At the lane, Tottenham always, always make it happen against the top teams. I don't care who wins, but I'm pretty positive we'll see a few goals.
Over 2.5goals

That's it. As always, remember these are nought but tips for your consideration. Edit, delete and espouse as deemed fit.
Best of luck people.

Yours in tipster-y,
Captaincue

IN MY OPINION

I have an opinion about everything: Wizkid or Davido, Racism, Homophobia, Ronaldo or Messi, The Oba of Lagos and the Igbos…but I rarely voice my opinion about anything. Well, unless it has to do with my ex-girlfriend (bless her soul. And face. And body. And…) that very pretty adorable bastard! Anyway, I digress.

I think the fact that anybody can justify whatever nonsense they say with “in my opinion” is just wrong, in my opinion (no pun intended, dishonestly). Everyone can have an independent view on any subject, true. But there should be a limit to the range of subjects to which people share those views.
As an Arsenal FC fan, I’ve seen the fickleness of football fans. I have heard people who know nothing about football, question team selection, tactics (or supposed lack of it), substitutions and transfer policies. If you ask me, Adebayor was very good, Eduardo Da Silva shouldn’t have been sold, RvP should have been allowed to rot on the bench…and the list goes on.

But nobody is asking me. That’s because my opinion doesn’t count. And that’s what everyone should always bear in mind.
It is acceptable if Nigerians voice their opinions about Nigeria, no matter how absurd – even if no one is really listening to them. My mechanic can make a suggestion about my car. But that’s all it will be – a suggestion. It is not out of place to voice your opinion in your family, although you should know no one really has to pay attention if you don’t contribute substantially to the GDP of your household.
But when people invest millions of pounds in a business venture – which is what media outlets, football clubs, religious institutions (dare I say), schools and the likes, quite frankly, are – you don’t expect anyone to listen to what you have to say. In that case, why bother to talk? Why??

My two cents (even if you didn’t ask for it - hypocritical, I know); if you don’t like something that doesn’t belong to you, look the other way. Find something you can live with. Again, if you, as an Arsenal fan, think Jose Mourinho is a better tactical manager, and if you really love tactics that much, simply support Chelsea. Same applies to every other facet of life. No one says you have to like “spoilt” kids like Davido. Rae Sremmurd doesn’t need your opinion on how to spend the money you didn’t help him make. I love Terry G, my ex thinks he makes noise. We coexisted…at least for a while. Again, I digress.

It is in human nature to not agree on everything. There will always be people who think otherwise. Those who think MJ was whack. Those who think people should sleep in the day and work at night. Those (of us) who think gay marriages shouldn’t even be up for discussion (Eeeww!!!).  But these people, myself inclusive, can apply what they think into their lives. And shove the rest, gently, very nicely, up their ass.

Do what you enjoy, as long as you are not hurting others. Be with who you like. Eat what you like. And stop disturbing the rest of us with your opinion. That, is my opinion.                    
--->>>L.J

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (25/26-04-2015)

New weekend, new style. I think I should provide a report card of how the previous weekend's decision panned out. A fortnight ago, we had a 96% success. Last weekend, it dropped to 84.6%. All in the upper percentile but anything short of 100% is not good enough for me. That said, here you go:

BRIGHTON vs WATFORD
I rarely go into the lower echelons of these football leagues for my predictions just because they are woefully unpredictable. I feel good about this one though. Brighton have been dropping points left, right & center -- losing four of their last five; as against four victories and one draw for their visitors.
X2

SEVILLA vs RAYO VALLECANO:
They're really good, aren't they? Sevilla came back from the dead to draw Zenit in the Europa league on Thursday. That said, they'll have their work cut out against a Rayo side that have picked up 9points from the last 15. Still,...
1X, and that's a banker

BURNLEY vs LEICESTER:
Burnley keep it tight at the back as evidenced by consecutive one nil defeats. Leicester have three wins on the spin and are scoring goals for fun. Better safe than sorry.
Over 1.5

ATLETICO MADRID vs ELCHE:
Deservedly beaten in midweek, Atletico will be foaming at the mouth & will want to show they still have it.
Home win

UDINESE vs AC MILAN:
A fairly if unspectacular side. AC Milan have been decidedly underwhelming this season. Its almost painful to watch. Still, there's no way in hell they're losing this.
X2

CRYSTAL PALACE vs HULL CITY
Two sides who don't bother defending.
Over 1.5 goals please.

PEC ZWOLLE vs AJAX
The league is done and dusted. But Ajax still have their pride to play for. Which is why I'm doublechancing them
X2

DORTMUND vs FRANKFURT
Consecutive defeats to Gladbach and Munich was followed by an unconvincing 3-0 win against Paderborn last weekend. Defending is not Frankfurt's strong suit however. Need I write my prediction?
Yes.
Over 2.5

ESPANYOL vs BARCELONA
Barca have won 5 of the last 6 against their city rivals, drawing the other one. This will be another embarrassingly easy pasting.
Straightforward away win.

BAYERN MUNICH vs HERTHA BERLIN
Just to boost the accumulator, I'll include a home win.
Bayern victory

PSG vs LILLE
For shizzle, my nizzle, like dizzle...this will be a defeat for PSG-zzle. That was my best impression of Snoop Dogg and I don't think I have a career in hip hop. I should probably complete this degree program...
Actually, I take back that prediction. Over 1.5goals surely.

EVERTON vs MANCHESTER UNITED:
One of my more challenging predictions. Chelsea put a raincheck on United's hot streak because they're Chelsea. Nothing more. A solid, effective team of disciplined bastards. And Hazard. Everton are in good nick also, but they're no Chelsea.
Away win

ARSENAL vs CHELSEA
Terrence Howard was in JUICE with Tupac, I think. And that movie where Taye Diggs and Morris Chestnut. And a few others. EMPIRE is the first movie I've seen him play the lead role. Its a good movie. You should watch it.

--->>>Captaincue (tipster, gangster, superstar, master-blaster...)

LET IT BE

In June 2009, Manchester United agreed a then world-record £80m deal with them folks in the Spanish capital for a certain Cristiano Ronaldo. I saw this guy's debut for United and purposely watched him develop into the paragon of greatness that he is. I was sad to see him leave and many a United supporting fan's heart was broken. Their sadness took several turns for the worse when Sir Alex chose to replace the departed maverick with underwhelming names like Obertan, Valencia and a past-it Michael Owen. In retrospect, the team was just as effective, but the impact, flair and unique technique of the departed was sorely missed.
Every time Valencia failed to control a pass and/or shanked a shot and/or failed to find a teammate with a cross, United fans would groan in unison;
"Ronaldo would've controlled that pass"
"Ronaldo would've buried that chance"
And so on...

Yesterday, 22nd of April marked the fifth anniversary of the passing of Nigeria's own hip hop maverick; Dagrin. God rest his soul. His death coincided with the boom in social media in the country. The news spread like wildfire and the feeling all over the country was one of deep grief at a young Achiever's untimely death. The outpouring of love that followed was applaudable. I think I speak for several people when I say Dagrin's signature genial cackle in songs, along with his famed cherubic demeanour have been sorely missed.

Its immoral to speak ill of the dead (except the dead's name is Mussolini/Idi Amin...). It smacks of cowardice and preposterousness because the dead cannot defend themselves and their works. But we cannot forget the ones we lost, so we attempt to immortalize them by discussing history and the departed's impact every once in long whiles.

Absence breaks one's heart. Absolute absence (of a permanent kind) brings up all sorts of things. Posthumous honours are conferred, achievements are desecrated (or magnified), flaws are downplayed (or magnified). Legacies are fabricated. By the by, revisionism ensues.
The people that trivialize the achievements of the departed disagree with those who blow those achievements out of proportion. This almost always happens. So I'll give my own account/verdict because I experienced these things firsthand.

CR7 did not score every chance he had at United. CR7 did not successfully dribble every defender he faced at United. This might be unpopular but I'll say it: NOT every Dagrin track was 'great'! Yeah, I said it. But a large percentage of his work was fucking awesome. And will always be. That's the true measure of greatness. Recognizing and reconciling one's self with these facts will curb the tendencies of revisionism that pervade recounts of the works of the ones we lost.Do not impugn their legacies by adding to/taking away from what these folks did. Just let it be.
P.S: Now you can masturbate to the scenes of 'best of Ronaldo' while you listen to the CEO  album and cry into your Man United pillows...

--->>>Captaincue (..I look at what these people had done at my age and I almost despair. Almost!)

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (18-19/04/2015)

A caveat to begin with: These tips are loose guidelines for betting folks. They're NOT strict, ironclad predictions. You should view, appreciate, espouse, edit and delete as appropriate. That said, we all share a common interest of winning big & you should realise I only post tips I believe are gonna come to pass. Here goes:

NICE vs PSG:
I know, I know. After PSG's disappointing defeat at home to Barcelona, I understand some of you will be ambivalent in staking on a PSG win. Not to worry boys, Ibrahimovic will be back and PSG will romp to victory. Mark my words.
Away win

BARCELONA vs VALENCIA:
"One for me and one for the Lady"
Waiter: "Pardon?"
*shifts uncomfortably in my chair *
"One Chapman for me and one Chapman for the lady"
Waiter: "One for you and one for the lady?"
"Yes, yes. Two Chapmen please!!"
Over 3.5goals please

GRANADA vs SEVILLA:
Sevilla are the Novak Djokovic of Spanish football right now. You struggle to pinpoint their strengths, but you won't be able to find any discernible weakness(es). Djokovic is a bastard.
X2

AJAX vs NAC BREDA:
Read above...
1X

EIBAR vs CELTA de VIGO:
I like Robert Ludlum's books. I have a soft spot for The Bourne Identity. A book that big is bound to contain some beautiful nonsense like; "Cain is for Delta and Carlos is for Cain...Cain is for Delta! Delta One is Cain! Medusa moves; the snake sheds his skin. Cain is in Paris and Carlos will be his!"
Celta annihilated Rayo 6-1 last week. They're certainly worth a punt at lowly Eibar, no?
Mr Ludlum said to accentuate the obvious -- that an opportunity will present itself. Recognize it. Use it.
Obviously, Celta are in form, and this is a big opportunity to boost my accumulator.
Celta Vigo win

TRABZONSPOR vs GALATASARAY:
The good thing about betting on the number of goals that'll be scored in a game is that you need not worry about the team that wins and all that. This is my forte.
Over 1.5goals

CAGLIARI vs NAPOLI:
Infuriatingly inconsistent. Napoli have been woefully unpredictable (which is a bad thing for tipsters!). After comfortable consecutive victories at home to Fiorentina and away to Wolfsburg, I think its wise to bet on a Napoli win here.

HOFFENHEIM vs BAYERN MUNICH:
For ge same reason as PSG, an away win please.

BAYER LEVERKUSEN vs HAMBURG:
Leverkusen have been my surest banker in recent weeks and I think they'll coast to victory at home to a woeful Hamburg side.
Home win

After examining these teams, I am going out on a limb and predicting Over1.5 goals in the following games:
CRYSTAL PALACE vs WESTBROM
LEICESTER vs SWANSEA
PSV vs HEERENVEN
INTERNAZIONALE vs AC MILAN
LYON vs ST. ETIENNE.

And for the audacious tip of the weekend, I'm calling the Empoli vs Parma game. The odd on a Parma win is 6.00. Lol. Both teams are rather, Parma's own stemming from an administrative meltdown rather than a dearth in quality. I'm staking on a Parma win, but it won't be in this accumulator. (Include/exclude at your discretion).
Good luck boys (and girls?!)

Yours in tipster-y;
Captaincue (can't call Chelsea/United, so I'll just enjoy the match)

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (18-19/04/2015)

A caveat to begin with: These tips are loose guidelines for betting folks. They're NOT strict, ironclad predictions. You should view, appreciate, espouse, edit and delete as appropriate. That said, we all share a common interest of winning big & you should realise I only post tips I believe are gonna come to pass. Here goes:

NICE vs PSG:
I know, I know. After PSG's disappointing defeat at home to Barcelona, I understand some of you will be ambivalent in staking on a PSG win. Not to worry boys, Ibrahimovic will be back and PSG will romp to victory. Mark my words.
Away win

BARCELONA vs VALENCIA:
"One for me and one for the Lady"
Waiter: "Pardon?"
*shifts uncomfortably in my chair *
"One Chapman for me and one Chapman for the lady"
Waiter: "One for you and one for the lady?"
"Yes, yes. Two Chapmen please!!"
Over 3.5goals please

GRANADA vs SEVILLA:
Sevilla are the Novak Djokovic of Spanish football right now. You struggle to pinpoint their strengths, but you won't be able to find any discernible weakness(es). Djokovic is a bastard.
X2

AJAX vs NAC BREDA:
Read above...
1X

EIBAR vs CELTA de VIGO:
I like Robert Ludlum's books. I have a soft spot for The Bourne Identity. A book that big is bound to contain some beautiful nonsense like; "Cain is for Delta and Carlos is for Cain...Cain is for Delta! Delta One is Cain! Medusa moves; the snake sheds his skin. Cain is in Paris and Carlos will be his!"
Celta annihilated Rayo 6-1 last week. They're certainly worth a punt at lowly Eibar, no?
Mr Ludlum said to accentuate the obvious -- that an opportunity will present itself. Recognize it. Use it.
Obviously, Celta are in form, and this is a big opportunity to boost my accumulator.
Celta Vigo win

TRABZONSPOR vs GALATASARAY:
The good thing about betting on the number of goals that'll be scored in a game is that you need not worry about the team that wins and all that. This is my forte.
Over 1.5goals

CAGLIARI vs NAPOLI:
Infuriatingly inconsistent. Napoli have been woefully unpredictable (which is a bad thing for tipsters!). After comfortable consecutive victories at home to Fiorentina and away to Wolfsburg, I think its wise to bet on a Napoli win here.

HOFFENHEIM vs BAYERN MUNICH:
For ge same reason as PSG, an away win please.

BAYER LEVERKUSEN vs HAMBURG:
Leverkusen have been my surest banker in recent weeks and I think they'll coast to victory at home to a woeful Hamburg side.
Home win

After examining these teams, I am going out on a limb and predicting Over1.5 goals in the following games:
CRYSTAL PALACE vs WESTBROM
LEICESTER vs SWANSEA
PSV vs HEERENVEN
INTERNAZIONALE vs AC MILAN
LYON vs ST. ETIENNE.

And for the audacious tip of the weekend, I'm calling the Empoli vs Parma game. The odd on a Parma win is 6.00. Lol. Both teams are rather, Parma's own stemming from an administrative meltdown rather than a dearth in quality. I'm staking on a Parma win, but it won't be in this accumulator. (Include/exclude at your discretion).
Good luck boys (and girls?!)

Yours in tipster-y;
Captaincue (can't call Chelsea/United, so I'll just enjoy the match)

DON'T BE STUPID

In that epic scene in the Yorùbá comedy; Opakan, a guy was going to pay for his friend's meal. The one that was going to pay ordered something in the region of N150 while the dude he was going to pay for ordered for something in the region of N700. So the one that was going to pay decided to go Dutch. The result was catastrophic for the one they were gonna pay for. It was funny as hell.

After the victory of the candidate I supported (and voted for) in the Nigerian Presidential elections, I intentionally put a raincheck on the obvious narrative: "after failing, pick yourself up and go again"; as the old General has done. I will write something along those lines imminently of course.
In the immediate aftermath of the announcement of election results, we all celebrated in our ways. Politicians, shameless bunch that they are decamped to the winning side. People pledged support and cooperation to the incoming President. Associations and Institutions made elaborate pledges of allegiances to the General.
The one that particularly struck me was the announcement purportedly made by the association of prostitutes; aptly named : ASSOCIATION OF NIGERIAN PROSTITUTES (I kid you not) that all members of the noble association would give it to their loving customers pro bono for three days. I was delighted for boys when I saw that announcement on Linda Ikeji.

Then I saw on Nairaland the following day that a guy who meant no harm but  apparently believes everything he's told or sees refused to pay in the morning after doing a TDB. He got beat by her colleagues. To a pulp. I don't want to, but Lol. The guy's naiveté is remarkable, but after laughing at his error of judgement, I came to realize that some people are really ignorant of such things. They just don't know better.

This paragraph is dedicated to the people that make mistakes so the rest of us can learn and guard against making those mistakes. Fair play to y'all.

Lessons:
1. There's no honour in staying with the losing side
2. Do not eat more than the fellow who's paying
3. Go with enough money when visiting a brothel
4. Who does a TDB??!!!
Haba.

Captaincue (mi o kin lo to iseju marun...)

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (11-12/04/2015)

As I'm wont to do, I'll begin with a caveat: These tips are loose guidelines for betting folks. They're NOT strict, ironclad predictions. You should view, appreciate, espouse, edit and delete as appropriate. That said, we all share a common interest of winning big & you should realise I only post tips I believe are gonna come to pass. That said, here goes:

MAINZ vs  BAYER LEVERKUSEN
I emptied my account once and had N2000 on me. I had to check when the prices at the cinema were between 500 and 700 naira. Still, I had to consider a lot of factors and convince my date to stick with the drinks -- that their popcorn was overrated and poor. The things being broke makes one do! Now, I imagine that in a couple of months, I'll be able to afford to go to the cinema regardless of prices.
With their rich vein of form, Bayer can afford to take anybody to the cinema AND order popcorn, caviar with other assorted debaucheries.
Comprehensive away win

HAMBURG vs WOLFSBURG:
Excellent, technically-astute players are required to play Wolfsburg's counterattacking style of football. And they do possess technically savvy players.
Wolfsburg victory

STANDARD LIEGE vs RSC ANDERLECHT
Two erstwhile great Belgian teams undergoing some sort of tough transition. Still, these two should conjure an outcome that'll exceed two goals
Over 1.5goals

LAZIO vs FC EMPOLI
Look, Lazio's form reads something like WWWWWW... ad infinitum. I still wouldn't put my money on a straight victory for them. They're not gonna lose though, I'm sure of that.
1X

HERACLES vs AJAX
An odd of 1.75 on an Ajax win is too good to pass up.
Away win please

MONCHENGLADBACH vs DORTMUND
BY hook, or by crook, this one will produce two goals. Mark my words..
Over 1.5

NAPOLI vs FIORENTINA
If you had a gun to my head and told me to call this one, I'd bet my brains on a win for the team from Florence. Napoli have been dire. Still, they'll up the ante for this.
Over 1.5

AC MILAN vs SAMPDORIA
Two sides with competent if unspectacular attacks and fairly porous defences. It goes without saying but I'm gonna say it anyway...
Over 1.5

BORDEAUX vs MARSEILLE
Another match that has Over 1.5 written all over it.

For my audacious tip of the weekend (which you should include/exclude in the accumulator at your discretion), I'm betting large on a very straightforward Man United win in the Manchester derby.

There's your lot for the weekend. Cast your votes, stay safe and be excellent.
Yours in tipster-y;
Captaincue

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (04-05/04/2015)

Again, I'm gonna begin with a caveat: This tip right here is just a loose guideline for betting folks. It is NOT a strict, ironclad rule. You should view, appreciate, espouse, edit and delete as appropriate. That said, we all share a common interest of winning big & you should realise I only post tips I believe are gonna come to pass. That said, here goes:

MAN UNITED vs ASTON VILLA:
What better way to start today's post than with my surest banker. Commonsense seems to have prevailed for LvG and United are now playing with a recognisable structure. Two wins on the bounce against Tottenham and Liverpool. Villa will be victimized.
Manchester United win

GUINGAMP vs LYON:
Lyon fucked my accumulator last time out by losing to Nice. I've recognized they have a problem breaking down teams playing on the counter. Playing away though, they'll have space to run in behind. I see a perfect away performance.
Lyon win

CORDOBA vs ATLETICO MADRID:
The Madrid side have lost a bit of steam; as evidenced by the fact that they've drawn three of their last five matches. Cordoba are on an unending losing streak however.
Away win

BAYER LEVERKUSEN vs HAMBURG:
I was sure General Buhari was gonna win the Nigerian Presidential elections, provided its not rigged. Barring a match-fixing scandal, this should be an easy home win

VALENCIA vs VILLARREAL:
Both sides play exciting, attacking football. But Valencia have been absolutely brilliant this past couple of weeks; scoring six goals in their last four games.
1X

TWENTE vs PSV:
PSV have wrapped up the Eredivisie title in my opinion. Their comfortable lead has led to a bit of complacency and they've consequently faltered in their last five fixtures. Normal services will return in this one.
PSV victory

DORTMUND vs BAYERN MUNICH:
This used to be a blockbuster. Then Bayern started picking off Dortmund's best players. Still, I think this fixture retains its capacity to bust some blocks.
Over 2.5goals

PALERMO vs AC MILAN:
Double chance on Milan. They've been disappointing.
X2

ARSENAL vs LIVERPOOL:
I had a girl over once. We were licking and frolicking when she squeezed my nipple. I don't know where she read that nonsense. You could finger my eyes with a hot, iron rod and get a more positive reaction from me than she did with that nipple squeezing episode. A couple of friends have confessed they like it. Different strokes for different folks, they say. I guess we can reach a compromise of a stroke; by way of the number of goals scored.
Over 2.5goals

CAGLIARI vs LAZIO:
The other club from the capital are in brilliant form; 6 consecutive wins in the league. Still...
X2

SEVILLA vs ATHLETIC BILBAO:
Will be an exhibition of attacking football; which is a recipe for a tonne of goals.
Over 2.5

WOLFSBURG vs STUTTGART:
Wolfsburg will have far too much quality for this lot -- which should get them the full three points in a fairly straightforward fixture.
Home win

FC UTRECHT vs AJAX:
A banker for me; despite the big odd on an away win.
Ajax victory

FC AUGSBURG vs FC SCHALKE 04:
An infuriatingly inconsistent side. Still, I don't see them losing at lowly Augsburg.
X2

OLYMPIQUE MARSEILLE vs PSG:
3goals will be scored in this fixture. At least. Stake big on it.
Over 2.5goals

For the audacious tip with a really large odd (4.12) of the weekend, look no further than a Real Soceidad victory away to Malaga. I'm well aware its David Moyes, but his side are in a purple patch. Include/Exclude in your accumulator at your discretion.
That's your lot for the weekend. Good luck boys.

Yours in tipster-y;
Captaincue

GERRARD, ORUBEBE, APOLOGIES & (IR)RESPONSIBILITY

A fortnight ago, Liverpool played host to Man United in a feisty fixture at Anfield. When commonsense finally prevailed for Mr Van Gaal, he quit trying to look clever, ditched his terrible 3-5-2 formation and reverted to the more traditional FourAtTheBack. That incited an upturn in form for the Manchester club and their supporters had high hopes of leaving Anfield with something. United dominated the first half, Mr Rodgers brought his inspirational captain (Gerrard) on for the second 45. He was sent off 38seconds later for stamping on the leg of the beautiful Ander Herrera.
After effectively costing his team the game with a forgivable rush of blood to the head, Gerrard had this to say after the match: "I've let down my teammates and the supporters -- I take full responsibility.....I've just come out here to apologise to the dressing room and the supporters."
After the match, his manager quipped; "At least he was man enough to come out and make that apology."
Fair enough, I remember I thought.

A fortnight later, Presidential elections held in my country (Nigeria). When the results were being announced, a former Minister of the Federal Republic suffered a meltdown and lambasted the chairman of the electoral body; accusing him of bias towards the opposition and rank incompetence on live television. The attack was vociferous. It was vicious. Later on, he had this to say: " I apologise generally to Nigerians -- especially to the younger generation. I want to say if my action hurt them, I deeply regret it. I am normally a man of peace and a child of God...... I earnestly beg to be forgiven in spite of the embarrassment caused to our dear people. I am indeed sorry. I was only pushed to the wall."
Fair enough, I remember I thought.

On first inspection (in both cases), I shrugged and said, " Oh, aren't we all susceptible to occasional brain farts?". Surely, if a man shows shows contrition and agreeable mortification (accepting responsibility), he should be forgiven.
On second inspection however, I read through the lines and cut through the bullshit. I think Gerrard and Orubebe are, regardless of their apologies, still, dickheads. Not because of the offense, but by the wording of their apologies and those those apologies were (not) offered to.

You 'accept responsibility' for stamping on a man's fibula with iron studs, potentially ending his career, get caught by the referee, noncommittally shrug your shoulders, point at your chest; gesticulating "Me?!", act surprised at being sent off before shamefully walking off for an early bath.
That is no wahala at all. When confronted with an embarrassing situation, its hard to know how to react on the spot. But when stuff boils over, normalcy returns and you're afforded time to reflect on your heinous misdeed. What you say at that point is a barometer of your person.

It is at this point that you publicly apologise to those you hurt (even if you surreptitiously abhor ill-feelings towards them). Gerrard apologized to supporters, teammates and 'younger folks who saw that'. The man he stamped conspicuously missing from that list. The man he hurt gàngàn! For God's sake.

Even if we all know Mr Orubebe will probably cut Professor Jega's throat with a garotte behind closed doors, it just smacks of a reprehensible character that you failed to include the man you impugned his honour in your apology.
But so long as you accept responsibility, its all fine and dandy.

Apology not accepted, you irresponsible twats.

--->>>Captaincue (not a fencist, so I'm saying #SaiBuhari)

THE MAFIA MANAGER (by V.)

SUMMARY
THE MAFIA MANAGER (A guide to the corporate Machiavelli) is a 1991 nonfiction book that significantly references Machiavelli's works on the art of managing stuff. A book mainly intended to not only offer insight into the dark, dark world of, as the author would call it;  ThisThingOfOurs (Mafia) -- but also provide 'knowledge of a particular sort' to persons looking to get to the top of the otherwise more legit world (ThisThingOfYours). And staying there.

THE PLOT
The book opens with a quote from the infamous Al Capone: "You can get a lot more done with a kind word and a gun than with a kind word alone".

The Mafia Manager consists three very distinct parts:
1.  MANAGING YOURSELF: which has a couple of subplots that discuss various topics like; decision making, time management, problems, handling business, concept of friendship (and enemies) and politicking.

2.  MANAGING OTHERS
The second part of the book discusses at length, under well structured subheadings, appropriate disposition, temperament and general advice on dexterity in the art of managing others.

3. THE REST OF IT
The final part of the book discusses more general stuff like negotiating, lying, secrecy, the rich, the equilibrium between business and family et all.

MY VERDICT
Once upon a time, I decided to clean the cobwebs around the house. So I took my broom and started to. Then I heard a silent hum somewhere in the room. Upon inspection, I saw that a fly had been caught in the convoluted web of a spider. It was fascinating. The spider was wrapping the fly with more cobwebs in very slow motion, and I imagined that must've been the Culicidae-ic equivalent of a man slowly burning to death.

I felt bad for the little fly, but I understood that the spider must also eat to survive. Am I no longer a good person for watching a little, vulnerable fly die a slow, painful death? Would I have been a bad person had I used a broom stick to save the fly from death's clutch? In the pursuit of happy-ness, you'll have to ask yourself these questions that are intrinsically embedded in the grey areas of moral ambiguity.

THE MAFIA MANAGER discusses manipulation, respect, authority, ruthlessness, discipline, loyalty, patience, women, restraint, men, enemies, friends, adaptability, obsequiousness, communication, faux-honesty and a great many other topics. There are axioms one is bound to learn by rote at the tail-end of each part, but the most remarkable thing is the quality of writing and quantity of memorable epithets that pervade the book. Check this:
"The most important thing in (y)our business is a reputation for honesty. If you can genuinely and sincerely fake honesty, you'll be a success"

And that's not even close to being the 'worst' bit of advice.

MY RATING
106 pages that'll inundate you with 'knowledge of a particular sort' AND further erase the already blurred lines of virtuosity -- what's not to read?

A bloody awesome read.

--->>>Captaincue (let the spider kill the fly, let the spider eat its kill & then kill the spider 24hours later)

BETTING TIPS (21-22/03/2015)

Good people of the football betting confraternity; I hail thee. Again, we are gathered here today to continue our bid to win N2million with a stake of N200 every other weekend. Godspeed. Here goes:

LYON vs OGC NICE
A huge slap in the face/A monumental kick to the groin of the much heralded 'best league in the world' aka the EPL that two Ligue Uuuuuuuuuuun sides are still in the Champions league. Nice have four losses on the spin. Lyon will make light work of them.
Comfortable home win

NORWICH vs NOTTINGHAM FOREST
Two form teams that play the most expansive style of football in the Championship. It'll be an entertaining match with a tonne of goals.
Over 2.5

ATLETICO MADRID vs GETAFE
Atleti looked a bit leggy in that entertaining match against Leverkusen in midweek. Still, they'll have too much quality for their opponents.
Home win

FC SCHALKE vs BAYER LEVERKUSEN
Over 2.5 goals

GO AHEAD EAGLES vs VITESSE
The stupidest club name in all of football. For that only, I'm staking big against them. Lol. Really, Vitesse have won four of their last five and GAE have lost four of their last five matches. Go ahead, see the writing on the wall with your eagle eye and bet on an away win.

TOULOUSE vs BORDEAUX
Christmas has come early boys! 2.75 on a Bordeaux victory. Am I mad?!
No. That's why I'm betting on an away win.

CD NATIONAL vs FC PORTO
Porto are really, really, really good. Consistent too. I see naught but a straightforward Porto victory.

ATHLETIC BILBAO vs UD ALMERIA
Bilbao's strong run of form has been somewhat surprisingly swimming under my radar. Not anymore motherfvkas. Not anymore.
Home win

FEYENOORD ROTTERDAM vs PSV
Feyenoord are in good nick, but PSV will edge a tight contest by the smallest of margins.
PSV win

Fsv MAINZ 05 vs VfL WOLFSBURG
Such is their attacking prowess that Wolfsburg don't bother defending. The bastards always outscore their opponents.
Away win

STADE REIMS vs AS MONACO
One of the rotten sides in Ligue1. I think Monaco will continue their beautiful run in the league by edging this.
Away win

QPR vs EVERTON
Two sides with fast, dynamic attackers and underperforming defenses. Recipe for a shitload of goals.
Over 2.5

UDINESE CALCIO vs AC FIORENTINA
Unlike those above, these are two sides that play brilliant, fast-paced attacking football. Another recipe for lots of goals. Variety is the spice of life, you see!
Over 2.5

RC LENS vs OLYMPIQUE MARSEILLE
Marseille victory all the way. And that's a banker.

FC BARCELONA vs REAL MADRID
A brilliant fixture to wrap things up. Why worry about who'll win and consequently fail to enjoy the match -- when you can just bet on over 3.5goals, open another can of beer and enjoy the spectacle.

That's your lot for the weekend. See you after the international break. I'll post a book review before the weekend runs out. A brilliant weekend. Bottoms up

Yours in tipster-y;
Captaincue

BETTING TIPS (14/03/2015)

CRYSTAL PALACE vs QPR
Palace have hit a bit of a purple patch in recent months due in no small part to the effects of their white haired coach. QPR will score too.
Over1.5

INTER vs CESENA
Comprehensively beaten by giant-killers; Wolfsburg in midweek, Inter will surely get back to winning ways against lowly Cesena.
Home win

WOLFSBURG vs FREIBURG
The first I dated was the one I thought was going to give me the most problem. We started dating two weeks after I asked her out. The one in my neighborhood that I was totally sure I'd get in my bed with minimum fuss has been consistently giving me the short end of the stick. I think Wolfsburg should start killing the minnows this weekend.
With some trepidation, I'll bet on a home win.

SEVILLA vs ELCHE
Home win with at least a two goal margin.

BORDEAUX vs PSG
PSG victory. And that's a banker

PSV vs GRONINGEN
Another home win

CELTA vs BILBAO
Promises to be an exhibition if attacking football played at breakneck speed.
Over 2.5

HERTHA vs SCHALKE
Absolute breathtaking stuff from Schalke at the Bernabeu in midweek. Do I think they'll keep it up? Fcuk yeah, I do!
Away win

EVERTON vs NEWCASTLE
Two sides with awesome attacking talents and woefully out of form defenders. The result? Goals. Lots of goals.
Over2.5

HEERENVEN vs AJAX
What the hell is wrong with Ajax? Dropping points regularly and consistently destroying accumulators. Still, an odd of 2.5 on an Ajax win is too good to pass up for me.

ESPANYOL vs ATLETICO
Espanyol have an OK attack, but I reckon their defense will be their undoing here.
Atletico Madrid win

HELLAS vs NAPOLI
Will be a tight fame, but Napoli will edge this one.
Away win

All the best. Good luck boys. And girls.
Yours in tipster-y;
Captaincue

AMBITION, CONTENTMENT & MATERIALISM

I was going to do a three-part miniseries with the titles(ambition, contentment, materialism), and post on separate dates, but that seemed too much like a corporate thing; like I'm writing a newspaper column. So I decided to incorporate all three in one little, lovely blog post -- as this is a personal blog & I don't want to lose that personal feel to whatever missive I come up with. Besides, I can revisit this page and expand on it at a later date. Hope you people enjoy this one.

As a scientist, you gotta have a little bone of atheism in you in order to be able to follow (and believe) Darwin's theory of evolutionism. Geologists will have us believe (with good explanations, mind you) that the entire solar system was formed about 6billion years ago when a spinning, disc-shaped hot cloud of interstellar gases (and dust) in our part of the galaxy (the Milky way) developed a very hot epicenter which resulted in a series of thermonuclear reactions that provided the proto-Sun's energy through hydrogen fusion. Further turbulence of the solar nebula led to the condensation of these gases, and invariably led to the birth of the planets; as it were.

What evolutionism fails to effectively account for is the origin of those gas clouds.
Outside of school, most everyone believe there's a God somewhere/everywhere in charge of everything. Religion provides us with an alternate explanation of a being decreeing stuff to  'BE'. On the surface, the demographic of Nigerian citizens are essentially Christians and Muslims. Christianity/Islam comes with rules/regulations that serve as guidelines for people of those faith(s).

To contextualize the post, I'm gonna fictionalize an instance: "In one of the technical drawing classes that a sweet bastrd of a young man (Captaincue) took in senior secondary, the class was to design a spanner. When he got his drawing sheet back, he scored a 6/10 because there were a couple of double-lines on his work. He wasn't particularly chuffed-- as he'd put in a lot of work in that stuff. So while wallowing in his unhappiness, a mate told him he ought to be thankful. That some people got as little as 2 out of 10." End of story.

By his (my) reckoning, 60% of the score wasn't enough. 80% was the aim for him. That resolve, that aspiration, that intent,  is what I define as ambition. 

Recognizing the fact that he would've scored higher had he (re)sharpened his pencils AND eventually accepting that '6/10 isn't that bad!'. That equanimity, that tranquility -- that's contentment.

Knowing there are double-lines on his work and sneaking into the teacher's office to correct all errors in order to score higher however; that greed, that animalistic hunger, that steely-eyed determination to get more; often at the detriment of religions' core values -- that's materialism.

What will you be content with? How lofty are your ambitions/goals. What're you willing to do to make those goals of yours come to fruition? How unscrupulous can you get? How ruthless can you be? How godly can you be? How low are you willing to go? Are you going to look at those that got 2/10 and say Alhamdulilai or you're gonna look at those that scored 10/10 and punch your desk?
When does being content with happenstance become a steady decline into the cesspit of mediocrity?
When does untamed materialistic tendencies escalate into a narcissistic spate of blatant disregard for basic human decency? Why does this even matter...?!!

Well, I think everything we achieve is somewhat dependent on what your definition of those three words are. Just do your thing. Surely, God will judge us all on judgement day.
I think.
They say.

(Cue: lots of the former, agreeable amount of the middle & a healthy dosage of the latter)

---CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

Football Betting Tips (07/03/2015)

Yo! We back. A bit of advice to begin with; do NOT stake with money that, if lost, will disrupt the linear flow of your life. Don't get yourself in ruinous debt to bet on games. As I always say, N200 (a week) to win N2million. I think I'll write a short story on gambling. If you're here for this weekend's tips, here goes:

HANNOVER vs BAYERN MUNICH:
18goals in their last 3 Bundesliga fixtures. The odds on an away win is a meagre 1.22, but they all count in an accumulator.
Bayern victory

HAMBURG vs BORUSSIA DORTMUND:
I had the distinct displeasure of watching Hamburg play 'Gladbach a fortnight ago. They're truly a horrible side. Against a resurgent  Dortmund, it should be a straightforward away win.
Dortmund win

EVIAN vs MONACO
A deceptively competent side steadily getting their key players back from a debilitating injury crisis. What's not to bet on!
X2

HERACLES vs VITESSE
A game that guarantees goals.
Over 1.5goals

AUSBURG vs WOLFSBURG
Wolfsburg's form reads like : WWWWD. A sure banker for me
Away win

PADERBORN vs BAYER LEVERKUSEN:
This is a no-brainer for me.
Bayer victory

EMPOLI vs GENOA
I have no doubt Genoa are going to win at Empoli, but better to err on the side of caution when staking on an accumulator. Plus, there's the small matter of my N200.
X2

AJAX vs EXCELSIOR:
You see 16, 17 year olds making thousands of dollars every week in the Dutch league and reminisce what you were doing at 17. I'll tell you what I was up to. I was trying to lose my virginity. Without perspective, it could be rather disheartening. The young, little bastards!
Ajax win

ATLETICO MADRID vs VALENCIA:
My favourite kinda game to stake on. I don't care who wins (though I'm leaning towards a Valencia victory) -- so I'll just bet on goals and watch them score all those goals in the first half. A high-scoring encounter.
Over 2.5goals

NOTTINGHAM FOREST vs BORO
Over 1.5goals

Ten games. That's it for this weekend
Good luck boys.

Yours in tipster-y,
-->>>Captaincue (thank God for perspective)

WHITLOW, BRAS & ALL THAT...

Hi all, I'm Captaincue. Remember me? I thought as much! The betting tip(s?) I provided to folks, who like myself, hope to win 200million naira with 200naira, last week was disastrously bad. So I was contemplating skipping this week's -- to get me back on my tipstery feet, so to speak. Fortunately/unfortunately, that decision was made for me when my right thumb contacted whitlow. I think its funny how something as trivial as a sore finger can affect the whole person. Like that one time I had a little boil square on my groin. It was situated right where my trouser band usually is -- such that I couldn't pull my shorts up to my navel & look like Honourable Obahiagbon. Neither could I sag more than I usually do; else, the good boy image I've been cultivating in the neighborhood would be eviscerated in the eyes of puritanical hypocrites around here. That shi made me miserable. This whitlow thing likewise.

Trying to type on your phone with a sore thumb is akin to trying to fondle boobs with the bra still on; totally doable, but very frustrating. (Captaincue, March 2015)

During the brief recess occasioned by a little health niggle, I've not been totally useless though. I read and reviewed quite a number of books. I managed to jot some stuff in my books which I'll develop into articles shortly. In the meantime, let's end this little get-together with a little benediction. Everyone should grab a drink while I say that prayer:  Here's to pressing boobs (living life) through the bra (regardless of frustrating confinements) & hoping she (Providence) will take that fcvking bra (challenges) off pretty soon. Amen?
Bottoms up.

--->>>Captaincue (Amen)

IT HAS BEGUN

Everybody in the family, save for my mother and two of my sisters love(d) football. The first tournament I can really recall is the Korea/Japan FIFA world cup in 2002. I wasn't even in my teens yet, but I'd discovered a sport I really love(d). Then the following year, after my older cousin came from Lagos for his pre-degree program, we started watching club football at viewing centres on weekends. On the opening weekend of the 2003 English Premier League season, Man United played host to a certain Jay-Jay Okocha's Bolton Wanderers. The minute, little details escape my memory, but I remember (vividly!) Sir Alex motioning to the bench for a thin, sprightly, pimple-faced teenager to begin his warmup. I remember there were a few vociferous objections from many United fans about Ferguson's choice of a sub. Little over five minutes later, that teenager came on, sauntered about the pitch with flair and élan, had grown men on their asses with fantastic dribbling moves I'd never watched on live television before AND affected the game such that a slender 1-0 lead turned into a robust 4-0 thrashing of Okocha's team. I knew I was watching the very beginnings of an individual's greatness, if ever there was one. The memories of the beautiful David Beckham who had departed for Madrid the previous summer was put on the back burners. Old Trafford had a new hero;
C-fcvking-Ronaldo.

There's an inescapable feeling of joy in one's gut when you witness the inceptions of (potentially) great things. I like writing, you see. And I get beside myself with pride, and joy when people think my prose is not that bad. I know how perverted it seems to cherish the opinions of strangers over the internet, but hey, Vox populi, Vox dei.

So I had the honour of guest-posting on a blog I follow religiously; naijasinglegirl.net & the feedback on the comments section has been awesome. Click HERE to read.
Also, I did a review of an upcoming artiste's LP. The guy is a friend too. I had fun writing that coz I did it for a fee *giggles*, but I've been unable to contact the blogger that posted my review for permission to repost on this blog. You can read the review HERE

Forgive me for getting ahead of myself, and I trust you'll ignore the braggadocio, but that feeling I got in 2003 at that viewing centre? I feel the same way about myself. I feel like I'm gonna be great.

Rather disturbingly, I had the same feeling when Jonathan came into power. So you can forget everything you just read about my incepting greatness, and watch my writing career crumble like a pack of cards.
Or not!

--->>>Captaincue (*****, please don't kill my vibe)

BETTING TIPS (21/02/2015)

TOTTENHAM vs WEST HAM
Rumour has it that big, fat SAM will be leaving at the end of the season. Perhaps that has affected the team. In the battle of the hams, there's no ham in betting on a Tottenham victory.
Home win.

EVERTON vs LEICESTER
Everton played with the swagger of last season in their Europa league victory; scoring four goals in the process. I'm still not fully convinced.
Over 1.5

SOUTHAMPTON vs LIVERPOOL
On our family comp, I remember I did something with my console and super Mario defied the laws of gravity. The motherfucker floated in the air and flew past 'home'. I had to restart the game and lose a bet.  It did not make any sense. And I suspect this tip won't make any sense:
Liverpool victory

CELTIC vs HAMILTON
In the dick-measuring contest of the Europa league, Celtic had the same size against one of them big-boys (Internazionale). A whopping 3inches. I keep telling you people, size is not everythi... (*taps mic* is this thing working?)
Comfortable home win

WILLEM II vs AJAX
A tasty odd of over 2.0 on an Ajax win here. As you should know, I love spicy, tasty things served to me on a silver. Red wine to boot.
Ajax win

SUNDERLAND vs WEST BROM
West brom are in swashbuckling, mid table firm. Sunderland are in dire straits.
No prizes for guessing what I'm staking on.

SWANSEA vs MAN UTD
The result of this United team is not up to the sum of its parts and I lay the blame squarely at the feet on LvG and his faux philosophy. Still, the bastards should have too much for Swansea.
United win

IPSWICH vs READING
Old, fat, chewing-gummy Yakubu is back in England. With Reading. Reading have been blowing hot n cold for a while now. Worth a punt though, even if its just to watch Yak miss from a yard out and spoil my accumulator.
X2

AUSBURG vs BAYER LEVERKUSEN
Away win

That's your lot for the weekend. Best of luck boys.

Yours in tipstery:
Captaincue

BETTING TIPS (14/02/2015)

This past week was my birthday (Wednesday). There was no birthday sex, there were lots of birthday texts, and wishes, and prayers and all such valuable but intangible stuff. I'm not gonna throw a tantrum and do a Yaya Toure. There was just a lot of time for sober reflection. Or drunken reflection -- some might say. Reflection is the keyword.

When I examined the circumstances, the happenings & non-happenings around and about me, I think Alhamdulilai is what I should say.

That over with, here's your tip for the weekend:

BOURNEMOUTH vs HUDDERSFIELD
I've had an eye on the home side all season as they continue to churn out results week after week. Its high time I staked big on them.
Bournemouth victory

BLACKPOOL vs NOTTINGHAM FOREST
Forest have arrested their decline by changing their coach; something that has seen them win two in a row. I think Nigeria should follow suit.
Away win

TORINO vs CAGLIARI
Comfortable win for Torino. They've been that good.

There will be wins for:
PSG
Napoli
Both Milan sides
Sunderland
Stoke
Both Madrid sides
Barca
Valencia
and Juventus.

Apologies for the pithy tips. I'm putting in a 4hour shift at work this morning. I'll gist you people.

Good luck boys

Yours in tipstery,
Captaincue (Happy Val. Do not make babies...!!)

O Captaincue! My Captaincue!

“
O Captain! My Captain! our
fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every
rack, the prize we sought is
won;
The port is near, the bells I hear,
the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady
keel, the vessel grim and
daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of
red,
Where on the deck my
Captain lies,
Fallen cold and
dead.
O Captain! My Captain! rise up
and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is
flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon'd
wreaths—for you the shores a-
crowding;
For you they call, the swaying
mass, their eager faces turning;
Here captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your
head;
It is some dream that
on the deck,
You've fallen cold
and dead.
My Captain does not answer,
his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm,
he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and
sound, its voyage closed and
done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship,
comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O
bells!
But I, with mournful
tread,
Walk the deck my
captain lies,
Fallen cold and
dead.
”
O Captain! My Captain! is a poem written by Walt Whitman in 1865 to celebrate the life of Abe Lincoln.

I'm gonna use the same format in the following poem, but I'll alter the words. Here goes:

   "
O Captaincue! My Captaincue!
Your daunting voyage is underway
You have no idea what nautical terms to use
But you know you'll do just okay

Your dreams are this close, yet they're still so far
Getting ever closer to your goals
A beautiful sight on the horizon
Your ship sailing -- steady as she goes

But O heart! Heart! Heart!
O the bloody tears of anguish
When you were marooned by damaging self-doubt
Constraining potential you should unleash

O Captaincue! My Captaincue!
Back in the saddle, you fucking bastard
Don't give a rat's derriere whose ox you gore
Realize most of your fears are fictional like Asgard

Whenever you're on the verge of despair
Think dear Captain -- Think!
Think of all the battles you've fought
Think dear Captain -- Think!
Think of all the lessons you've been taught
Think dear Captain -- Think!
Think of all the problems you should sort
Think dear Captain -- Think!
Some day, you'll be planted in the ground -- by your lonesome -- left to rot
Think dear Captain -- Think of all these
Will you give it your best shot, or will you not

Rise like a Phoenix
Remember these as your journey into the
world
Let hard work be your prefix
Be different like a remix

You have your heading dear Captaincue
Weigh anchor and set sail
Towards the shore of your goals
May the odds forever be in your favour.
                                             "

A chronically happy birthday Captain. Enjoy.

--->>>Cue (just thought I'd write me a lil something before heading out)

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (07/02/2015)

As usual, we are gathered here to make some serious money off those motherfcvkers. Have a meritorious weekend. Without further ado:

TOTTENHAM vs ARSENAL
There was a story this week about Clark Carlisle, an ex-footballer who got hit by a lorry in his native England. In actual fact, he jumped in front of the lorry coz he wanted to die & 'end it all'. After weeks in hospital, he came out to apologize to the driver of the lorry who must've been seriously traumatized. Mr Carlisle was depressed you see! People still snigger at people with 'mental' illness. It is 2015 people. We cannot be oblivious to it. Depression exists. If anyone reading this is in a similar state, please talk to someone immediately. Anyone. When you have another perspective to view things from, you're well on your way to wellness.
Phew.

Its all in the head, isn't it! For a decade now, Tottenham have been threatening to catch their North London neighbours, only to bottle it at the very end. Both teams are in really good nick going into this one and I'm going to err on the side of caution here.
Over 1.5 goals.

MAN CITY vs HULL CITY
Routine Manchester city win over a woefully out of form Hull.
Home win

EVERTON vs LIVERPOOL
When a man takes his own life, its called Suicide.
When a man takes another's life, its a Homicide.
When there's a mass killing, its a Genocide.
When you kill unwanted guests, you use a Pesticide.
When there are two teams in a large city with no Premier League Title between them, we call it Merseyside.
Over 1.5goals

MIDDLESBROUGH vs CHARLTON
1X

WOLFSBURG vs HOFFENHEIM
A famous victory over Guardiola's soldiers is still fresh in memory. An excellent side.
Big win for Wolfsburg

RENNES vs MARSEILLE
Marseille have been a little wobbly of late. I don't like. Normal services will resume in this one.
Away win

ATLETICO vs REAL
When people see a boy like myself (gangly, and a little nerdy) go after a classy girl, I imagine they turn up their noses and tell themselves he couldn't possibly sleep with THAT chick. Yet, he bleeps her. Repeatedly. Using all the styles in that Kamasutra flick. And Atletico keep bleeping Real. This one is hard to call for me.
Over 1.5goals

BILBAO vs BARCA
over 2.5goals.

GUINGAMP vs MONACO
Monaco. Hmmm. A girl has a sugar daddy that sponsors her education at Harvard. 4semesters into her education, the man drastically cuts his supply of cash. It shakes the girl initially, but those few semesters have rubbed off on her such that she can still hold her own in a community of degree holders.
Double-chance on Monaco because she's a dropout.

Also, bet on straight victories for Porto and PSV.

11games. That should do very nice with our agreed 200 Naira.

Its a wrap boys.
Yours in tipstery;
Captaincue.

THE PALM-WINE DRINKARD (Amos Tutuola)

SUMMARY
The Palm-Wine Drinkard (and his dead Palm-Wine Tapster in the Dead's Town) is a Yorùbá folkloric novel that tells the tale (from first-person perspective) of a man named "Father Of Gods Who Could Do Anything In This World" who has an undying love for Palm-wine, as he sets out to find his prolific, albeit dead tapster. His story is one of journey within journey; each with increasingly strange creatures. And circumstances. And demands...

THE PLOT
The book opens, as the title might've implied, with a man telling us he has been drinking since he was 10. He owned, by virtue of his father's affluence, a huge farmland with numerous palm trees where an expert tapster would tap a hundred and fifty kegs of palm wine everyday -- a quantity he finishes before 2pm.

Then his tapster fell from the neck of a tree and died. While mourning the loss of his great, loyal servant, he recollected that 'old people' say that dead souls live in an otherworldly place after death -- rather than go straight to heaven. So he set out to find his dead tapster.

In exchange for info about the whereabouts of his tapster, he undertook a series of assignments for an oldman (a god) that was willing to trade him the location of his dead tapster if he (FatherOfgodsWhoCouldDoAnythingInThisWorld) could abduct death. With cunny trickery and no small amount of juju, he surprises everyone by successfully capturing death in a net, upon which everyone in that town dispersed and he, disgruntled at not knowing the location of his tapster, dropped death. Since then, death has had no permanent place to dwell...

He went on another assignment to rescue a girl who followed "an unknown man's beauty"; another mythical creature with borrowed body parts. The lady was betrothed to him, she conceived a baby in her thumb..

On his travels, he saw drum beat itself, heard song singing, saw dance dancing and also heard laugh laughing..

MY VERDICT
"....this palm-wine tapster was tapping 150kegs of palm-wine every morning, but before 2pm, I would've drunk all of it"

That statement is in the opening paragraph of the book. You now what you're in for! A litany of fantastical tales filled with humorous exaggerations. Written in a tattered, yet understandable kinda English, one will find, at various intervals in the book, lots of pointless, unfunny literature. Yet, there are amusing bits within the confines of the book: "...there we saw a man who was walking towards his back or backwards, his both eyes were on his knees, his both arms were at his..."

The apologues are really entertaining as well.

Fantastical literature do not excite me, but this is one of those should-read books as a Nigerian. Late Amos Tutuola was a pioneer; in that his was one of the first African novels published in the English Language. The Palm-Wine Drinkard was first published in 1952!!
1952!!

MY RATING
Not bad

----CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (31/01/2015)

People of the betting confraternity. We are gathered here today to resume our arduous quest of winning 2million naira by staking 200 naira on a couple of games every (other) weekend.
Pull up a sit...

PSV vs Willem II Tilburg
Willem II Tilburg. What a name. But that's about all that's remarkable about the club. PSV came through for me last week after coming back sharp as when they went on winter break. A banker.
PSV win

BRADFORD vs COLCHESTER
LOL. I don't usually include these lower league teams in my accumulators coz they're an unreliable bunch but lemme put this into perspective: If for some reason, I had the opportunity to have sex with a beautiful Russian girl, say, Maria Sharapova on my birthday, would you people not accord me some respect for the week that follows at least? You would eh? Then why the fuck wouldn't I tip a Bradford victory this weekend. After all, they just eff'd a Russian woman by the name of Chelski.
Bradford win.

BRENTFORD vs MIDDLESBROUGH
See above.
Boro win.

CESENA vs LAZIO
Lazio are totally playing outta their skin right now. The team from the capital will edge this. A banker.
Lazio victory

REAL MADRID vs REAL SOCEIDAD
I would tip a routine home win at the Santiago Bernabeu (great man! Wiki him) but there's the small matter of a CR7-sized crater in the Madrid side. Plus, we all know David Moyes is a plucky little bastard.
Draw/1x

EIBAR vs ATLETICO MADRID
Coached by a man who looks like a Mexican drug Lord straight out of those Hollywood movies, the drug Lord has quietly put together a team not only strong in depth, but has some considerable width as well. Quietly. That's how WE like to operate.
Away win

I did this over a cold bottle at a bar, but that's not why I'm making these next tips. When I saw the fixtures, did the reconnaissance survey on the teams, this is what I came up with:
Over 1.5goals in all EPL games. I swear I wasn't drunk. Honest. Walaitalai...

That's the end of today's service. I'll post a review of a Nigerian book during the week. And other stuff that pops up in my brain.
Until then...
Be excellent.

Yours in tipstery;
---->>>>Captaincue

EVERY LITTLE HELPS...

There's such a thing as rehearsals,  where artistes practice before climbing the podium to perform songs; mostly from earlier in their careers. When I listen to Saheed Osupa effortlessly render a line from MasterBlaster; an album two decades old (give or take), I marvel at the kinds of brain God blessed some people with -- AND the kind HE (GOD) cursed some of us with.

Academically, I'm bang average. I would say: 'generally, I'm bang average' but I won't, coz I come up with some complex thoughts occasionally that puts my (self)perceived dumbness in question.
I'm typing this without ever really putting it in longhand -- so I'll take an example of such 'complex thinking' from the paragraph above where I wrote "..the kinds HE (GOD) cursed some of us with."
Typing that, I thought; why do I think God is a HIM. Could HE be a SHE? Does (S)HE exist? How did (S)HE come to exist?
God was there in the beginning, no? What was there before the beginning!
Whether you believe in evolution or creationism, when your thinking takes you to these dizzying realms, you actually enjoy the debate with self until you feel yourself standing perilously on the cliff of insanity.

When I started this little blog, I knew there's a perpetual search for happy-ness by most everyone & I thought I'd contribute my little token to everyone's hustle by posting stuff I learn about being happy. So I wrote a catchphrase at the top lefthand corner of my blog which I hoped would catch on. The catchphrase was "Every Little Helps".

Then about a month later, I settled down to watch Wrestlemania when a Tesco advert came on & at the end of that ad, they wrote & said: "Tesco.......every little helps". What the fuck!! This was MY catchphrase. Mine! So I googled Tesco & found that the company was opened in 1919; now a multinational company with a revenue of £70billion & more than 6000 megastores worldwide! Fucking Tesco...

So I removed that pithy catchphrase & licked my wounds. The silver lining was that I came up with something that smart in the first place; (having never heard of Tesco) -- something such a huge company paid a lot of money to professionals to come up with.
Maybe I'm not that bad after all.

If you're one who insists on getting "the moral of the story", here it is: When in dire straits happiness-wise, look for the positive things you've done in your life. Give yourself a high five; Barney-Stinson-style, roll a blunt & smoke a joint/go to church/drink with friends/talk to someone smart/listen to music at full volume or do whatever you do to get troubling stuff out your mind. Cut yourself some slack. Give yourself some credit.
The positivity & accompanying perspective will return in time & you'll be good to go again.

---->>>>Captaincue (that's how I get by...)

BETTING TIPS (24/01/2015)

BLACKBURN vs SWANSEA:
Remember the Blackburn side that had Santa Cruz, Pedersen (Morten Gamst), Bentley et al in the squad? Those days are long gone. Swansea's second string side will get the job done. For shizzle
Swansea win

BIRMINGHAM vs WEST BROM
The Pulis magic is working in the Midlands, as I predicted! Seriously, don't clap. I mean it, don't look at me any differently.
West Brom win

SOUTHAMPTON vs CRYSTAL PALACE
Over 1.5 goals thank you very much.

BRISTOL vs WEST HAM
West Ham's strength in depth & size of width is astonishing. Big squad. Won't be a straightforward victory, but will be a West Ham victory nonetheless.

ROCHDALE vs STOKE
Stoke win. Cupset my 'D'

BRIGHTON vs ARSENAL
I see nought but a very easy Arsenal win. With lots of goals to boot
Arsenal win/ over 3.5goals.

CAMBUUR vs PSV
The winter break hasn't affected PSV's excellence. I still think they'll shake off the attentions of Ajax and win the Eredivisie.
PSV win.

Good luck boys.

Yours in tipster-y;
Captaincue

EQUATORIAL GUINEA, OBIANG, HUMANITY

Usually, before a football-ing tournament gets underway, I read up on the host country(ies)... you know? The geography, the geology & all those things. Academic commitments, real life challenges I have to obliterate & a general disinterest prompted by the frequency of the cup of nations have not allowed me do the reconnaissance study I'm wont to do. But then I caught some highlights on TV last night and I did a quick Google search of the host country of the 2015 tourney: Equatorial Guinea. Hence, this piece.

Upon independence in 1968 (from Spain), Francisco Nguema was elected as President. In '72, he created a single-party state and made himself President for Life; eliminating all opposition in a reign of terror until he was ousted in a bloody coup d'etat by his nephew Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo in '79.
After initially relaxing dictatorship strings, his rule has become increasingly worse than his Uncle's! Nepotism, malevolence, torture, oppression, ethnocentrism, blatant corruption of 'fuck-you' proportions typify a man who is, to put it mildly, a terrible human being.

1. An oil-rich country with a population of just 650,702 (2012)
2. The richest country per capita in Africa ($23,133), 69th in the world
3.One of sub-Sahara's largest oil producers
4. Due to uneven distribution of oil money, a select few benefit from proceeds
5. 50% of the population (>300,000people) do NOT  have access to clean drinking water. (UN)
6. 20% of children die before age five.
7. The authoritarian government boasts one of the worst human rights records in the world
8. Women & children are subjected to forced labour & sex trafficking
9. All broadcast media are either owned by government or controlled by its allies
10. The President's son, Teodorin is Vice President and a government minister, who inflates contracts awarded to his company by daddy.
11. The man favours his son to succeed him when he passes.
12. ....on & on it goes.

My gripe? Ever since I learnt to read, I've been appalled by the lack of common human decency the world over. Power corrupts, evidently. But I often wonder, do these people not see what their people are going through? What do they know that we don't? I guess it just pains me that power rests in the hands of a minute fraction of a people. I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore.
Its just not fair.

Cue (fuck).

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (17/01/2015)

ASTON VILLA vs LIVERPOOL
Four of the last six games between these sides have resulted in over 2.5 goals. Villa are a poor side, but Liverpool are a resurgent team and they'll surely get a result at Villa park.
2X/over 1.5

QPR vs MAN UNITED
Normally, this would be one of my bankers, but LvG's tinkering is plain stupid, and its costing United valuable points. Goals are the surest bet in these games.
Over 2.5

SWANSEA vs CHELSEA
This will be tight, but Chelsea will pip it.
Chelsea to win 1-0

TOTTENHAM vs SUNDERLAND
Home win. Of course.

EMPOLI vs INTERNAZIONALE
Mancini changed from the fashionable but ineffective 3-5-2 to a 4-something-something and Inter are already better for it. This shi ain't rocket science after all.
Shame on you Louis van Gaal. Shame on you.
Inter victory, & that's a banker!

LAZIO vs NAPOLI
BTTS

AC MILAN vs ATALANTA
Milan are clearly a work in progress, but Inzaghi; the man who was born offside will push them over the line.
Slim Milan win.

JUVENTUS vs HELLAS VERONA
Juventus are playing brilliantly and scoring shitloads of goals. Long may that continue.
Juve win.

LENS vs LYON
Lyon are the form team in Europe right now and are rather surprisingly second in Ligue 1 albeit with a goal difference better than Marseille's and PSG's.
Lyon win. Sure banker!

MAN CITY vs ARSENAL
Both teams will score. Simple as..

Bet big on Derby, Wolves, Both Madrid sides & Barcelona.

Good luck people,
Yours in tipster-y,
Captaincue.

THE RAGMAN'S SON

SUMMARY
Kirk Douglas was born Issur Danielovitch in Amsterdam, New York City in  December 1916 to a remarkably poor family of nine. THE RAGMAN'S SON (1988) details his rise from the nothingness of a  humble beginning through decidedly tough circumstances to the ultimate triumph of (literally) Hollywood proportions.

THE PLOT
The book opens with a background of his parents; Jewish Russians who migrated to New York whence his dad collected rags, scrap metal and junk for coins off a wagon driven by a single horse. He had six sisters and a loving mother. 

Due to the tough love he got from his father, he grew up a shy boy and had a lot of rage in him; hence the need to express himself physically by joining the wrestling team in school. He acted in high school plays, did a lot of petty jobs to put himself through college before proceeding to a drama school on a scholarship.

He joined the navy in '41 and was discharged in '44 on medical grounds.
Eventually he acted in small pictures before securing a 7-movie contract with 'Uncle Walt' (Walt Disney himself), wriggling his way out that contract, acting in blockbusters, acting in ones that didn't bust any blocks and discussed his numerous women and accompanying sexcapades before the book peters out with an epic description of how he knew his time (as the main man) was up.

MY VERDICT
Biographies are my favourite genre of books. I like to know that people who became successful in their fields overcame life's many vicissitudes to be what they are. In that vein, this book doesn't disappoint as its rich in rich tales that, regardless of geography, one can totally relate to.
Tough love leading to inhibited kids? Check.
Inhibition leading to bottled up emotions? Check.
Strive for self-improvement? Check.
Attaining dreamy heights? Check.

There are pithy anecdotes about famous people that he knew & met; Sinatra, Reagan, Roald Dahl, Stanley Kubrick, de Laurentiis, Walt Disney & Marilyn Monroe, about whom he quipped: "...the public insists on its fantasies of Hollywood. Marilyn Monroe, on the screen, is the sexiest woman in the world. In real life, she was blah. And always late." Lol

Its also wonderfully rich in lessons on dealing with women, stopping to enjoy the good things that happen, giving his kids the metaphorical pat on their backs (like his father didn't) among other timeless topics. It has wonderful pictures to boot.

There are passages on how he lost most of his wealth to his best friend and agent, playing a movie role that almost destroyed him, and my favourite paragraph in the book: "I am thankful for all my friends. How few of them one really has. How much more important they become as you get older." That brought a tear to my eye.

All in all, the book is sometimes angry, occasionally funny, at times arrogant:
"I am not going to marry your daughter, but a time will come when you'll wish I had"...AND at other times, absolutely crazy:
"I drifted around, met lots of girls. I knew men who had sex with a different girl every night. I never understood it. I understood it less after I did it for a while. It wasn't satisfying; like Chinese food -- an hour later, you're hungry again...after about 2months, I began to wonder; what am I doing? Masturbation has more meaning. At least you develop a better relationship with your fantasies."

MY RATING
Its a thoroughly enjoyable read.

---CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

WEEKEND TIPS (09/01/2015)

SUNDERLAND vs LIVERPOOL:
Brendan Rodgers talks too much. The man always says things that makes you think he's some sort of genius. He'll have you believe Liverpool have been excellent. They haven't been.
X2

EVERTON vs Man City:
Everton put all their summer transfer money into a Lukaku shaped basket; totally neglecting defensive reinforcements. Safe to say it hasn't worked out spectacularly well for them.
Over2.5

WEST BROM. vs HULL CITY
In Tony Pulis, the Albion side have unveiled an underrated manager who'll harness the undoubted potential of a good side. You'll see.
West Brom win

PALACE vs SPURS:
Over 2.5 goals.

CELTA VIGO vs VALENCIA:
3 victories in their last three league games, including an impressive scalp over a tiring Real side. The streak will continue.
Valencia win.

GRANADA vs SOCEIDAD:
David Moyes > LvG. Wait, wait. I'll prove it.
Against Arsenal, LvG's United had 1shot & scored 2goals.
Against Barcelona last week, Moyes' team had zero, I repeat: ZERO shot(s) & scored a goal. So, Q.E.D, David Moyes > LvG.
That said, after beating the mighty Barca last week, now watch Real Soceidad do the most DavidMoyes-y thing by limping to an eye watering draw at Granada.
X2

NAPOLI vs JUVENTUS:
In this thing of ours (providing football tips), one has to be confident. Most would bank on a fairly straight forward Juve win, but most would be wrong. Juventus have drawn 3 of their last 5 league games. Napoli have won their last two games & are playing some beautiful stuff. Long story short:
Napoli win. (Doublechance it if its in your accumulator)

INTER vs GENOA
My imagination is pretty strong & when I say Inter-Genoa three times with my eyes closed, I can picture Podolski doing fuck all until the 87th minute when hell pounce on a bouncing loose ball & hammer a thunderbastard of a shot that'll break the goalkeeper's hand & get Mancini the 3points he almost won against Juventus last week.
I also picture a lot of women naked, but that's a topic for another day.
Inter to win by 2 boobs.

St Mirren vs ABERDEEN:
Aberdeen's form reads like; WWWWW. St Mirren won't stop another double-U.
Aberdeen win.

DUNDEE vs MOTHERWELL
an astonishing 4.00 odd on a Motherwell victory. Are they mad? Anyway, its not my business.
Motherwell win.

The ones I can't tip on my blog are:
Man United, Roma, Middlesbrough, Sassuolo, Sporting Lisbon, Lyon & Marseille.
Were I to stake on those teams, I would doublechance them all. But I'm not tipping them, so pretend you didn't see the last paragraph.

Finally, for the audacious tip of the weekend, I can almost smell an Atletico victory at the Nou Camp. Worth a punt.

I hope to show you people my winning ticket on Monday.

Good luck boys.

---->>>>Captaincue. (Isè yén)

THE SPIRIT OF THE NOW

When I wrote hustler on my Twitter bio, I really was down for pure, unabridged, full blown hustling. I wasn't aware it entailed being woken up at 7 in the am, going with my agriculturist neighbour to his Church member's house. We got there, got straight to work. Work here having the meaning of fishing 80kg of catfish out the pond, killing them in a fishy genocide, de-gutting them, washing them over and over and over again, folding 'em gorgeously and putting the lot in the oven. It was tough on my back, but there's this feeling that comes with making money from the strength of one's back. You'll end up exhausted but your morale will be sky high.

I'm not really one for resolutions & all such beautifully titled yet vacuous things. In fact, I'm not a fan of tagging things, as I feel giving them titles constricts what you can achieve by them. The exact same reason I like undefined relationships. I mean I can be carrying out my boyfriending duties as you are fulfilling your girlfriendship obligations towards me. Just don't let us call it 'boyfriend & girlfriend' coz that leaches the spontaneity; gradually eroding the fun until the eventual breakup. Before long, you go a day without calling & its like, 'dude, why didn't you call'. It becomes a duty -- a burden of sorts, rather than remain something you look forward to.

My point? I saw a couple 'New Year  Resolutions' on social media & decided to make some myself -- with no apparent success I must say. By my reckoning, one doesn't have to categorically state "I'll hit the gym regularly, I'll eat right, I'll learn swimming, I'll try to hit double figures in the number of the opposite sex I bed...". I think it goes without saying that I plan to do all (most) of these, and then some.
A drastic, holistic improvement is always the goal for me.

But I wanna be a part of the zeitgeist too. So I'll say some of the things I'll do this year (but won't call them resolutions). I WILL publish stories this year. I vowed to make lots of money in 2015 & as it is, I already made a couple thousands doing the odd jobs I told you about. I will do the obligatory NYSC thing too & lots of other stuff. Its gonna be eventful.

Thus far, the year has been copacetic. I'm well aware its early days yet, but I hope these signs are ominous harbingers of a brilliant 361 days ahead.

P.S: I'll like to hit you with a book review before the week runs out. And any other stuff that pops into my brain in between. Have a good one.

---->>>Captaincue ('I want to buy 20 fish' sounds..uh, fishy! Go ahead, say it out loud..)