Cue's 2014 Remarkable Moments

In no particular order, here are the ones I can remember:
1. Wenger's shove on Mourinho.
--> There is something beautifully strange when you see a 64 year old threatening to beat up a 50-something year old. Safe to say Jose got under Wenger's public patina of sophistication, and the result was something you don't see everyday.

2. The FIFA World Cup.
--> Against the backdrop of public protests by citizens on the economic implications of hosting that tournament, the World Cup was still a beautiful spectacle. Brazil were a joke, Musa was sublime AND there's something about seeing grown women supporting their country in bikinis. Very, very patriotic!

3. Boko Haram.
--> Somebody make this stop. Please.

4. C-fcvking Ronaldo.
--> I watched this guy's debut for United in 2004. Watched him develop into the player he is. A sporting hero of mine. Is it wrong that I plan to name my son CR7? It is..? I can't hear you.

5. G.E.J's laughable quotes.
--> My pick of the bunch has to be "...over 70% of what's called corruption, even by EFCC & other anti-corruption agencies is not corruption but COMMON stealing".
Trying to insult the intelligence of citizens is awful.

6. Ebola
--> Arrest, curtail & eventual defeat of the dreadful disease in Nigeria. Shout out to everyone involved; most especially those that lost their lives in the process. Here's to hoping there's no recurrence.

7. Patrick Sawyer.
--> Pariah!!

8. I.S.I.S
--> Stop giving Islam a bad name.

9. 9.3million dollars arms deal.
--> Some people are trying to embarrass Nigeria; with some success one must say. Fuck all those involved.

10. Atletico Madrid
--> For breaking the hegemony of Real & Barca in La Liga. Was quite refreshing seeing the underdogs come out tops.

11. 'Man Accidentally Kills Himself Taking Selfie With Gun'
--> Smh. Everything wrong with a generation summed up in that headline.

12. David Moyes.
--> A good man woefully out of his depth. Was mercifully put out of his misery by the sack.

13. Mass Failure at Nigerian Law Schools
--> Ehya.

14. Threat to Ponmo.
--> I actually wrote a piece about this: http://captaincue.blogspot.com.es/2014/09/ponmo.html?m=1. It better remain a threat.

15. Shmurda dance.
--> Funny dance step. I actually know how to do the dance. I know it means the square root of nonsense, but it still makes me feel good.

16. Double Wahala's backup vocals.
--> Maddening.

17. San Antonio Spurs. Die Manschaft.

18. Novak Djokovic.
--> The only athlete with no visible weakness.

19. Alomo bitters. McDowell's whisky. Trophy & Satzenbrau beers.
--> For providing alternate (cheap) alcohol for the poor masses.

20. My Ray Ben.
--> People actually thought I had a Ray Ban. People eh?

21. Akube shorts.
--> For coming in handy on weekends.

22. Alata & Under-G in Ogbomoso. Every hangout in Ilorin.

23. Instagram. FalzTheBadGuy'sInstagram videos. Twitter. BBM. Blogger (application).
--> For obvious reasons.

24. Drake's verse in 'Only'.
--> The world could do with that sort of honesty.

25. Mukaila 'the Modaran Morogo guy'.
--> Hilarity personified.

26. Ileya rams. Christmas chickens/turkeys...

27. TAN.
--> For their "it was not easy for..." advert. Would be funny if it wasn't stupid.

28. Secondhand books, Ebooks, Books gàngán, Kwara state library, Unilorin library & all literati.

29.Doyin Okupe's repeated criminal attempts to delude us.

30. Megbele & Ganga da Garaya.
--> Lord knows I don't understand what Omawumi & Morell said in those songs, but I fvcking love those songs.

31. Yemi Alade's laziness.
--> Why can't she go to Cynthia for tutorials on how to satisfy Johnny.

32. Are you Ghana dance o...
--> Lol.

33. DJ Khaled.
--> His funny use of words in Hold You Down.

34. Women.
--> I like women a lot you see, they fuel my fires.

35. Brock Lesnar
--> His fabulous F5s ended Undertaker's streak at Wrestlemania. And for his ruthless domination of John Cena at SummerSlam.
Roman Reigns was awesome too.

36. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Shoki.
--> Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah shoki
      Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah shoki....
       Lol

37. My Tecno phone.
--> We've been through a lot bro, I will miss you when I upgrade to a better Tecno phone in 2015.

So, I guess that's pretty much 'it'. I'm sure I left some things out...but its only a blog post. The biggest shout out is reserved for everyone who visited my blog in 2014. Here's to a better 2015.
Cheers.

----->>>>Captaincue.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

I was going to post a book review but I decided against it. Then I was going to write an article on a thorny issue that's been prickling my mind, again I shelved that one too. Its Christmas you see, and
I'm in full celebratory mood, so I'll just get a quick word in before I return to the celebrations in earnest. Boys (& girls), if (when) you get drunk, take a taxi home & go for your vehicle later.

You people have been awesome & I am duty bound to wish y'all a very merry Christmas. Its the least you deserve.
Enjoy.

--->>>Captaincue

Weekend Tips (19/12/2014)

Barcelona vs Cordoba:
Christmas has come early for Barcelona. After last week's disappointing draw that saw many a young man punch bar room tables in frustration, they scored an impressive 8goals in midweek. The odds on a Barcelona victory are very short and one might need to  be brave to get any sort of return on this one.
Over 3.5goals

Levante vs Real Soceidad:
"...but Moyes was a good man" cried Man United rivals' fans when he was fired at the back end of last season. Well, my H.O.D is a good man & he sure as hell ain't managing United.
Moyes has found his level -- which is snatching draws away & limping to the occasional victory at home.
2X

Eibar vs Valencia:
This Valencia team are full of effervescent attackers but somehow rely heavily on set plays for their goals. If you're including them in an accumulator; 2X.
If you're one of us (those that hope to win 2billion with 200naira), then bet on a Valencia victory.

Rayo vs Espanyol:
Wouldn't touch this with a 10-foot pole.

PSG vs Montpellier:
They'll bounce back after last week's rotten defeat.
PSG victory

PSV vs Go Ahead Eagles:
One doesn't need to be eagle-eyed to see a PSV win. Go ahead and place that bet.

Derby vs Norwich:
Chelsea clipped highflying Derby's wings in midweek and they'll be eager to get back in the saddle. I see nought but a Norwich victory though.

Blackpool vs Bournemouth:
Who the fuck are Bournemouth? Well, they're top of the Championship. They rested key players in the midweek loss to Liverpool and I see them winning this at a canter.
Bournemouth win

Villarreal vs Deportivo:
Buoyed by a win over Atletico last week, Villarreal will have no problem dispatching a woeful Deportivo.
Comfortable Villarreal victory

Fiorentina vs Empoli: Fiorentina win.

Inter vs Lazio:
Two largely inconsistent teams, but Bobby Mancini's side will edge this one.
Inter win

Excelsior vs Ajax:
Have you seen the movie 'Silver Lining' starring Brad Cooper? I have. You should too. The critics are split over the movie, but I freaking love it. 'Excelsior' was Brad's mantra after leaving a psychiatric facility.
Anyway, Ajax victory

Aston Villa vs Man United:
I saw a girl in school today. After the perfunctory hug, I quickly accused her of not keeping in touch -- & that I'd lost her number. But I was lying. And I know she knew I was lying...but the fact remains that she lost her mojo and her beauty. She's grown pretty again though, and I exchanged numbers with her again.
United's beauty has returned and I'll start calling them again.
Man United victory

Real Madrid vs San Lorenzo:
LOL.

Tottenham vs Burnley:
A 4-0 win over Newcastle in midweek is pretty impressive anyway you slice it. One must say Spurs are in a bit of a purple patch and they'll comfortably defeat Burnley.
Tottenham win

Newcastle vs Sunderland:
A feisty derby that's been edged by Sunderland in the last few meetings. Newcastle will break that jinx though.
Newcastle victory

Liverpool vs Arsenal,
Leverkusen vs Eintracht Frankfurt,
Metz vs Monaco,
Schalke vs Hamburg,
Wolfsburg vs Koln,
Roma vs Milan:
Play over 1.5goals on all these games and watch the rest of the game planning how you're gonna spend your winnings.

Finally, for the audacious tip of the weekend, I can't look past an away Everton victory at Southampton.

Have a good weekend,
Yours in tipstery,
Captaincue.

ENGLISH IS kuku NOT MY LANGUAGE

Metaphorically, your mind is a big file cabinet (mine as well). By my reckoning, the location of the mind is anybody's guess, but I've narrowed it down to the head and the heart. Despite my doubts about its location, there's no doubting its existence and one thing I'm sure of is that my mind has an endless capacity for useless information.

The ease with which I recollect lyrics or number plates of peoples' cars is astonishing. Trying to recollect what you read in an exam hall, or something equally important however is a Herculean task. By tweaking my mind though, I recall this tale I'm going to tell you.

Years ago, I met a girl. A female; someone of the opposite sex (OK you get it). Her spoken English was topnotch -- at first hearing. Over time, we got closer and eventually became acquaintances. Then I realized that while her proficiency in the techniques of communicating with the English language was of no mean standing, the initial zing was exaggerated. It became apparent that I was probably better at speaking the bloody language, she was only faster and used phonetics -- while I, for circumstances beyond my control, espouse ebonics. As is de riguer of a bad, sharp guy, I decided to try my luck with the said pretty girl (not grammatically, I assure you).

I had two baths, took deep breaths & at length assumed several scenarios in my head where it would all go wrong -- all those while almost biting my fingers off. I eventually made the call & my fears came to pass when she didn't pick up. I was beating myself up & pulling my hair out for even having the gumption to try such when she called back.

"Hi cue" she sounded excited
"Hey Chioma" I said in a surprisingly shaky voice.

And then she said it. The best statement ever. (A little puffery isn't uncalled for. Lol)

"I missed your call."

THAT, my dear friends, deflated my already depleted ego. A short while later, I ended the call with a "...I was just checking on you." (I just wasn't!!)

I MISSED YOUR CALL.
Apposite. I know it isn't much, but being a late bloomer on all facets of development; (especially when it comes to using actual words to express myself, through my mouth!) -- I couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of that statement.

Until that moment, I would say "I saw your missed call".

It really gets my goats when peeps use the 'English-is-kuku-not-my-language' line. Just stop it! It really does my head in. An improvement in your vocabulary (not necessarily grammar) inadvertently incites an upgrade in your intellect and communication skills. Its no coincidence that historical leaders & figures were eloquent orators; Gandhi, Mandela, MLK, Sir Alex, Captaincue. Even the motherfuckers; Nero, Stalin, Idi Amin, Adolf...

Look at what our boy Achebe did with his wonderful powers of expression....

Point being , choice of words start fights. Inappropriate use of a combination of words starts conflicts. Ineffective communication start wars. Don't even get me started on what effective communication brings to the world.

Now, communicational ineptitude cost me a relationship with that girl. Unfortunately, some people have paid bigger fines for this same trait -- it has even cost some their lives.
Not 'knowing' English isn't patriotic. Just strive for self-improvement OK? I hope you find your reason.

N.B: by no means am I advocating that English should take precedence over your local language but English is Nigeria's lingua franca as it is. (hate it or not).

As you were guys.

(Cue wasn't a very confident young man)

---CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

Weekend Tips (Friday 12/12/2014)

Burnley vs Southampton:
Burnley are getting points of late & Southampton have lost their last 3games (to City, Arsenal & United) which would've put a little dent on their confidence.
A score draw.

Chelsea vs Hull:
I had a feeling in my gut Chelsea weren't going to win that game at Newcastle; hence my decision to include them out of my tips last week. Matic is back from suspension though, and normal services should resume.
Chelsea victory.

Leicester City vs Manchester City:
Tale of two (-chester) cities by Charles Dickens. I jest. Dzeko to score a brace.
City win, no questions asked.

Getafe vs Barcelona:
My wish is to get laid next week. But I know I won't get laid next week unless I lower my standards and do the girl that sells fruit at the junction. I don't like Barcelona and wish they would lose to Getafe. Wishes aren't horses. So that's two wishes denied in a week. Fucking genie!
Barca win.

Schalke vs Koln:
Schalke are one of the form teams in Europe right now. Maybe that Di Matteo bloke was decent after all.
Schalke victory.

Guingamp vs PSG:
They'll run PSG close, but their superior quality will ensure a comfortable PSG win in the end.
PSG win.

Porto vs Benfica:
Benfica have been rotten. They'll up their game for this one, but it'll amount to little.
Porto win.

Standard Liege vs Club Brugge:
Brugge scored 3unreplied goals the last time they met. The sale of Mitchy to Marseille has taken the wind out of their sails, and Club Brugge are first in the division for a reason.
Club Brugge win.

Wolfsburg vs Paderborn:
With DeBruyne and Perisic owning the midfield with flair and élan, Gustavo cleaning up behind them, Dost and Olic burying those chances; Wolfsburg are deceptively good.
Wolfsburg victory.

Monaco vs Marseille:
Two teams in red hot form. I'll take a raincheck on this one and just enjoy the game.

Man Utd vs Liverpool:
On Tuesday, I was chilling with two of my best friends when the short one left to have coitus with one of his women. The tall one too excused himself to meet one of his women also. Me? I just stretched out on the three-sitter, cursing providence for the dry-patch that I'm in, eating water melon, and crying into my pillow.
Liverpool are just like me at the moment -- in that they have nothing going their way. They are a shambles at the back. In attack...everywhere! Pay attention and read my lips:
Man-United-to-beat-the-shit-out-of-Liverpool.

P.S: Every game I leave out is a tricky one for me to call, & my life is hard enough as it is...I don't want anyone to curse me. Thank you.

Good luck.

--->>>Cue (they didn't even spare me the details!!!!)

Weekend Tips (Friday 05/12/2014)

Barcelona vs Espanyol:
I know its a local derby & all that, but Barca will win this one.

Granada vs Valencia:
Valencia were unlucky to lose to Barca last week. They'll take it out on Granada.
Valencia win.

Rayo vs Sevilla:
Sevilla win or draw. Simple as.

Real Madrid vs Celta:
Lol.

PSG vs Nantes:
Comfortable PSG victory, Ibrahimovic to do a Zlatan i.e; he'll score a bicycle kick and refer to himself in third-person in the post match interview. The bastard.

Bordeaux vs Lorient:
With a rather large odd of a Lorient victory, one would be forgiven for thinking a Bordeaux win a given. Its not.
Lorient to win or draw.

QPR vs Burnley:
2 pisspoor teams, but QPR have some quality players and something informs me QPR will win/draw this one.

Hull vs West Brom:
Avoid these kinds of games bro. Run!!!!

Roma vs Sassuolo:
Haba! Roma to win nah..

Evian vs Lyon:
Evian play some good football. Lyon aren't consistent. I can see a one all draw.
Over 1.5

Marseille vs Metz:
Bielsa walks around with a perpetual scowl. I think he'll stab the players' kids should they not win. And the players are aware of this too.
Marseille win.

Genoa vs Milan,
City vs Everton,
Fiorentina vs Juventus:

Over2.5 for those 3games. Thank me later.

Bayern Munich vs Leverkusen:
Over3.5 goals. I'm sure of it.

Now something audacious to wrap this edition up: I see a Schalke victory at Stuttgart. And the odd is really big too.

Good luck guys...

--->>>Cue (placing 100naira bets since 1759)

The Prince

SUMMARY:
Niccolò di Bernardo Machiavelli, born May '69 -- that's 1469 if you were wondering; was an Italian politician, schemer, writer and philosopher. Precious little was recorded about him until he was 29 in 1498 whence he became the Secretary of war AND  second Chancellor to the Florentine Republic.
Years later, Spanish troops invaded Florentine territory, Machiavelli was dismissed from the Chancery, arrested, tortured, tried for conspiracy and jailed for a year.
Upon release, he retired to his farm with his family and went into studying and writing.

THE PLOT:
The book opens with a diagram of the map of Italy in 1500 -- so the reader can understand the general makeup of the province at the time.

Then there's a 20-page introductory note by Anthony Grafton which is basically background information on the author, his predecessors, and the circumstances in his time.

Assured they've inundated the reader with ample knowledge of the historical makeup of the (Renaissance) period, the book finally begins with a letter by Machiavelli himself to "The Magnificent Lorenzo de Medici"; Leader of Florence.

The Prince begins with a letter from Niccolo Machiavelli to Lorenzo de Medici; one of the Princes of the Medici dynasty -- humbly offering counsel to 'the Prince'. So the book is, on a very basic level, a political analysis byway of advice from an experienced diplomat to a royal Prince.

It covers issues from types of Principalities, to means of coming by them, staying in power, dealing with malcontents, military organization, when and how to be generous/parsimonious, to be cruel/compassionate, disposition of Princes and most importantly, he discusses Fortune (luck) & how much it influences our lives.

MY VERDICT:
I like to think I'm a good person. Admittedly, I might laugh when a girl who refused my advances twists her ankle in 6inch Louboutins. I might engage in a little morose delectation when evil befalls someone I dislike. But when I see a pregnant woman standing in a bus, I'll think 'why the hell couldn't she fcvk someone with a car'...then I offer her my seat.

From the opening pages of the book, Machiavelli leaves the reader under no illusions as to what the content of the book is. In no uncertain terms, The Prince says that Islamic/Christian values/virtues aren't the most effective in becoming an efficient ruler.

Filled with epithets such as:
"...any injury a Prince does a man should be of such a kind that there is no fear of revenge..."

"Men must be either won over or destroyed...".   among others.

The Prince is a wonderful compendium of passages on topics such as greed, acquisition & retention of power, absolutism, constitutionality, changes, People, manipulation, love/fear and dependence on luck.

As a purist, the Prince will come across as a pitiless, unremorseful, irreligious, faithless, treacherous book advocating unscrupulousness and cunny by an immoral author.

As a pragmatist (that I am), the Prince is one of those books that'll put into question all you held to be right/proper/good/virtuous. Its a really powerful book.

After careful evaluation, I've thought it best to espouse some of Machiavelli's teachings. Does that mean I'm not a 'good person' anymore? Is being 'good' a terrible thing for ambition? You'll ask yourself such questions should you read the book....which you should.

MY RATING:
A must-read? Well...that depends.
A should-read? Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---->>>>Cue (I think we all have a little Machiavelli in there, somewhere...)

Spicing It Up

Evening all. How were the inawos, and the Asalatus and the Church service(s). Mine was good too, thanks for asking.

I'm going to shamelessly admit, after weeks of ardent self-deception that I was just trying my hands at blogging until I earn my degree...that this shi has got to me and now I'm emotionally attached to what I do in my spare time. Its just exciting. Its become like an extension of me; an appendage of sorts & I must say its well and truly awesome. Its morale boosting.

Its 5days since my last post and it almost feels like its been too long. Has it? I don't know but a friend told me today that "o ya wehrey ni, oo ni post nkan mi ni?". Feels good to know some people actually look forward to my new posts. Knowing that, dare I not make my entries excellent and well worth the wait?!

I've been racking my brain, thinking of what I could add to my blog to spice it up a little. I came up with an idea and I wanna run it by you people: I intend to provide betting tips to football games. I plan to post these tips on Fridays and it'll be humorous, well-researched, informative and generally worth the while. More on this later.

This week, I'm gonna post a book review, a betting tip on Friday and anything that comes up in between. Apologies for not posting something earlier..its a holistic thing for me, and I don't want to post just to make up the numbers when I'm not feeling up to it. Savvy? Thank you.

See you around. One love

---->>>>>Captaincue (every little helps)

FROM THE NIGERIAN UNDERWORLD

"I used to pride myself on my travels and the experience I got on those journeys. So during the loooooooooooooong holidays, no thanks to one of those ineffective, indefinite ASUU strikes, I decided to pay my friend a visit. And go I went. To a place where I would meet my end.

Unbeknownst to me, there had been a robbery in that neighbourhood a few days prior to my, what I can now call, ill-advised visit - - and agitated folks were on the lookout for strange faces. So I tried to locate the address I had with me, as the bloody network wouldn't let my call through.

Before I could ask for directions however, I was accosted by two hefty, indigenous guys who aggressively tried to snatch my bag to purportedly search it. Civilians like myself fa. I stated my mission in the area and showed them that I only had a laptop and two pieces of clothing in there. Then they started asking absurd questions like could they be sure it wasn't stolen.

One of them, for no apparent reason at all, decides to bless me with the unfortunate approbative thief. As if on standby, a throng of angry-looking bastards appear with pseudo weapons, with clear intent to pounce on me in seconds. I pleaded with them to let me explain myself - - a gesture that they took as a stonewall admission of guilt on my part.

One of those big, burly guys attempted to strike me across the face. I blocked it but did not retaliate. Instead I resolutely tried to make my point. If only I'd known! They thought the blocking was a sign of disrespect towards a 'strong man' in their neighbourhood. So they conveniently chose to ignore the pertinent question of me being/not being a thief...and they decided to 'teach him a lesson'.

Fighting with one person is one thing, getting beat by a mob is another. Blows rained on me from clubs and various pieces of remorseless metal. At that point, young educated chaps like myself  tried out moves they'd only seen in movies and video-games. They struck me. 

They poked me. My skin was pierced. 

My soul; the very essence of my being, was weakened as I became blinded in one eye. 

What housed my teeth was by then, a masticated bloodied gum of bone and sinew. I couldn't speak, I could only make gestures in my head.

I wanted to tell them that the poor network wouldn't let my call through. I wanted to tell them that I'm the first child of my parents. I wanted to tell them that I was gonna return home to help my little sister draw a skeleton in her cardboard. I wanted to tell them that I was gonna dry-clean my mama's clothes. I was going to tell them that...that..

I wanted to scream that I was one of them. I did. I wanted to scream that I'm Nigerian too. I wanted to tell them that being young isn't a function of one's propensity to perpetrate a crime. I wanted to tell them that I wasn't a thief. I wanted to tell them that I had dreams of building a library in my village. I wanted to tell them that I had no problem dying -- I just didn't want to be killed like a sewer rat.

A lingering last look at the women, and men, beating, and watching, informed me of the vanity of trying...not that I could anyway. Blood trickled into my eyes and i couldn't even scratch . I looked up one last time to see a thick metal rod making its way to my head.

Just like that...I became dead. My soul fled to a world beyond this one; to get a panoramic view of things from above. To watch how perverts with blood-filled fetishes who could've opted to not partake, to stop the madness, instead stood there -- with glee; recording the event -- with glee. I watched as some cringed at the gory sight of my once fresh body, and as some spewed 'serves him right' while talking business at a fly-ridden bar.

I could only wonder why I was born in the first place if that's how I had to go. My part is played though, and when all is said and done; I feel sorry for the lot of you."

And it was ever thus.

--->>>@Captaincue

Barawo banza

A good day I trust? Today's piece is one I wish I didn't have to write. With some trepidation however, I pen it. There’s not going to be any witty banter, nor a deliberate attempt at a joke. Years after the Aluu killings -- which for the wide coverage it got in the media, thankfully brought to fore a sickening trend that is seemingly entrenched in the Nigerian society; the concept of Jungle Justice. While some of us are still trying to get over the horrors of what was done to those very young boys — boys who were in my age bracket; there have been, unfortunately and rather disturbingly, a series of recurrences in which alleged criminals were lynched. And burned

Most everyone in Nigeria has a degree of education. Be it formal, or the readily available home training. Common sense doesn't come with education though, as these unfortunate series of happenings have made apparent. I've been a victim of attempted robbery and when a dude was caught in the act weeks later, I swear to God I wanted nothing more than to bash his face in with the bare knuckles of my hands. How could you have the temerity to snatch something you didn't work for. How could you. I grew up piss poor myself, as did millions of other Nigerians, so don't use the economic hardship excuse for me -- I'm not a thief. How could a young man cause psychological trauma to my sisters and my mother...such that whenever they hear a loud bang, they recoil in horror and think 'these people' are trying to smash the door in again. How dare you. How very dare you. 

But I wouldn't allow myself strike him, as he was vulnerable. I would be a coward if I had. Dude was surrounded by the neighborhood, very ashamed, very afraid. Of course some people posited that he be beaten to a pulp to teach him a lesson. I was sorely tempted to take out my anger on the bastard, but it just felt wrong. And the thieves who visited weeks earlier didn't even gain access fa. 

Now imagine being the victim of a successful armed robbery. Imagine you losing your valuables to these fucks. Imagine the anger you'd feel and the accompanying natural tendency to lash out. The law is very fucked in the country I know, and criminals are often spotted roaming the streets weeks after conviction. But is it not an indictment of our moral compass as a society, when an innocent man is wrongfully punished? If we should teach every criminal a lesson, it'll affect someone innocent. I could very well scythe a mob on the law student who's dating the girl I want to date -- just by shouting 'thief, thief, thief'.

Look at those bastards who tortured the alleged 'pepper thief' in Lagos. It just doesn't make sense. What right have they to uphold the law? What happened to habeas corpus -- the right to a fair trial. I can't believe the words coming outta me mouth, but, better to set free a hundred criminals than spill the blood of an innocent woman/man. Its like killing the baby to catch the kidnapper. Its not alright. In the grand scheme of things, you're not helping.

I could write shorter sermons, but when I talk about issues that pray on my emotions, I tend to drone on, and on, and on. That could've been Cue. Or dozens of other people. When the infamous Aluu incident happened, I fictionalized a letter from the underworld; ominously addressed to the lot of us. This one is long enough as it is, so I'll post that letter tomorrow.

Until then. Do the bit you can to stop the rot. And be excellent.

--->>>@Captaincue

BABIES

Sometimes I tire of dealing with mankind and I choose to commune with God's other creations: trees, animals et al.  Not in a schizophrenic kinda way o...just a mere appreciation of God's mysterious works. So when my brain gets saturated, I go to the zoo to unwind. Sometimes I go there with a date; as its a cool spot. Other times I just go with a book and read or I just sit by the stream and watch water streaming down the....stream.

Naturally, I begin with the trees, read their labels and morphology...then I leave for the peaceful animals: ducks, ram, giraffe, donkeys, horses before drifting to the rather bellicose ones: snakes, crocodiles, vultures, eagles, hyenas, ostrich(es). I always save the best for the last; the lions. Do not believe everything you see in those documentaries coz lions are really big. Despite the cages, they're still frightening creatures. A roar will send vibrations through the ground within a 10 meter radius of those creatures.

I got a closeup realtime view of a lion's eyes. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd seen all my life. It was. Then my sisters started having kids, in which case I was allowed to handle those babies in the palm of my hands only a few hours after their birth. Those lovely creatures. Those tender lovely creatures. Those sweet tender lovely little things. So fragile. So tranquil. So dreamy. So lithe. Have you ever witnessed a baby's yawn? Walai its the most beautiful thing you'll ever see. What of the way they cover their eyes with both hands; as if literally guarding against the evil forces of a wicked world. Lol. Babies are pure. Apart from waking parents at ungodly hours of night, they're pretty harmless.

My point? There's no point. I only went to a naming ceremony this evening and got to take a picture with the baby girl. I dunno why I'm emotional about this. Tomorrow I'm not going to school. I'm just gonna sit in the verandah in my shorts, blanket on my shoulders, and look at all the pictures of the babies I have on my phone. And probably cry for the rest of the weekend.

When my neighborhood girlfriend saw this piece, she eyed me in a weird way and asked: "what is wrong with you". A question on so many levels.

--->>>Cue (oh baby, oh baby..)

DREAMS

I wanted to be a traffic warden. As a kid, I just loved the fluid movement of their wrists and fingers gesturing energetically to cars, controlling traffic, averting potential mayhem and generally looking cool in black trousers and orange shirts.  It seemed an interesting job to me as a boy. I was wired that way.

In my earliest years, when peeps would ask me what I wanted to be when I was grown, I would look into the distance and give it some serious thought. Then the conversation would end with "..you're good with your hands & not bad at science at all..you should be an architect."
In truth I thought of the usual things I could become, the usual Nigerian suspects -- doctor, lawyer, engineer; none of which particularly interested me. By my reckoning back then, when Providence shows you your calling, a lightbulb would go on in your head like one of those cartoons, and you'll set after that dream and live happily ever after. I never saw any of those bulbs.

It never rained for me, but when it did (in my teens), it poured. First I wanted to become a footballer. John O'Shea made it..I couldn't be any worse. Then I wanted to be an architect. Then it was a fine artist. Then I just wanted to write. One constant was that I really, really wanted to eviscerate poverty and become rich -- a dream which ignited, and still fuels the burning furnace that is my hustle.

Maybe I wasn't able to figure it out because dreams were somewhat wrongly portrayed as an either/or thing. In retrospect, I can honestly say my inability to pinpoint a 'dream' stemmed from this wrongful notion. Should I be subjugated to a particular field of endeavour when there are a jillion other ventures I can try my hand at? I don't like to think so.

That said, I hope you see I'm not intent on becoming a jackofalltrades average kinda guy, because I don't. I'm just interested in doing several things, any of which would give me immense joy should I manage to achieve considerable success in.

So this past week, I tried completing a short story I've been writing for a while now. And I did. And it might be awful. I'll publish under a pseudonym. That's what I've been up to. So, to those who figure it out early, God bless the hustle. To those who are still finding their purpose, you'll find it soon enough.

I need an editor. Mail me please. We'll chat. Thank you.

I'll see you around. Be excellent.

         --->>>Cue (...moving from nothing to something..)

Everybody Loves Captaincue

If I'm not mistaken (I'm not!), its been a whopping 5days since my last post. A lot has happened in that time. There has been a backlash to Mr Tambuwal's decision to switch allegiance. There has been a backlash to the backlash. I'm really interested in how it pans out. Fingers crossed; there'll be a backlash to the backlash to the backlash in a wonderful convoluted web of political backlashery.

In that brief interlull, I bought and listened to MI's album. Can't do a review. Won't do a review. Not that I couldn't if I set my heart to it, but I guess I'll be doing us all a favour coz I have a peculiar taste in music. With my music player on shuffle, press the next button 5times and you'll probably get something like Terry G's Free madness2 to Enya's Silent Night to Umqombothi to Ace Hood's Bugatti to Clarkson's Breakaway. I guess the concept of good music is subject to an individual's sensibilities. Read one on  tooxclusive or something. For me sha, and I'm saying this on first 'hearing', it took me back to my secondary school days when for weeks on end, all I heard was Van Helsing's hype. I had really high hopes of the film..such that when I eventually saw the movie, I thought it a bit meh. I'm sure I'll like it more when I listen again -- just like I later realized Van Helsing was actually a decent film.

Also, in those five days, I paid a prospective girlfriend a visit. Her cousin was in a really bad mood...or maybe she just wasn't feeling my vibe. That couldn't possibly be the case, could it?! E.L.C.

In 5days, I've bought yet another 200naira earpiece. Why is it that the left side is the first one to stop working. That's one for scientists to work out.

In 5days, I've had someone ask, "..really? this is your blog?!" I guess I don't look like much. Was that a compliment on my work or a slight on my person. It hurt a little.

Its good to be back. Meanwhile, I've somehow hit two-bloody-thousand page views. That's well and truly humbling. School is on, so I'll be blogging erratically over the next few weeks. I have a B.Sc to earn. Still, I might just squeeze blogging into my schedule and do it all. I wouldn't put it past me. Multitasking is one of my strong suits.

Watch this space.

         --->>>Cue (..ife di'nma amaka..better soup na money kill am o...)

LEAVE THE MORROW ALONE

I swear to God I get uber unhappy sometimes, brooding over stuff. Asking God why always me. This phase comes intermittently. These days, thankfully, those intermittencies are few and far in between. In my late teens, it was a far more regular occurrence, which prompted an obsessive self-development voyage. I like to think its paying off. I just want to complete this tedious degree programme of mine. Get a good job. Get filthy rich. Get married to a really beautiful lady in 2022...or thereabouts. Start making some serious money -- but not necessarily in that order. I just wanna be happy, and I imagine we're all in perpetual pursuance of happiness..which is a really vague word in and of itself.

What really constitutes happiness? As I wrote in VALUE FOR MONEY, there are many facets, and philosophy/psychology  has tried to understand the basics of fundamental human thinking. That piece was about satisfaction. This is about worry and apprehension. I'd like it noted here and now that I'm not basing my theory on academic philosophy. Its strictly my thinking that I'm going to present. Thanks.

To substance, I really do think that unhappiness stems from basically two main sources: what happened in the past and what'll happen in future.

To put a little context on this; I'll reminisce. Growing up, my folks would buy stuff -- stuff much bigger than I was, on the premise that I would grow into them. I would get bigger school uniforms, buy ill-fitting shoes. End-result? I didn't like those items. My folks didn't like me not liking those items. Shocker? No one enjoyed it.

The mind gets fickle occasionally. You start wondering if your current situation might've been better had you done things differently in your past. Other times, you just sit there thinking of what would be...if you'd end up happy.

No one knows what the future holds. Sometimes, I get super apprehensive as well. Happens to the best of us. But in one if those self-  books, I found a passage saying "..why worry if you can solve a problem?...if you can't solve a problem, why worry?" or something like that. I.M.O, worrying fosters panic -- which fosters desperation -- which fosters general ineptitude; itself a byproduct of unhappiness.

By all means, plan for tomorrow. Work for tomorrow. Pray for tomorrow. Just remember, (as V. said): "tomorrow, you might get hit by a truck or win a million dollars OR tomorrow you might win a million dollars AND get hit by a truck".
Its a crazy world. Give it your best and strive to be happy. Live for the now. Live in the now.
Our tomorrows will be good.

       --->>>Cue (...I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly...)

We're Back Baby!

Saturday was a bit meh. After breakfast, I had to stake the cucumbers that were starting to crawl in the garden. Weeded the weed, watered the tomatoes, took a shower, went back to bed. Watched the el-clasico & it petered out very nicely.

Right now? I just watched United take on Chelski at the theatre. Bloody hell, we're back. Late equalizer. I fucking love late goals. They're the footballing equivalence of a baby's smile; you poke, tickle, spank, caress, tweak, pinch that baby for that elusive late goal -- and when it eventually comes, its bliss. Pure unadulterated fun. Footballing orgasm.

Shouts out to those who brought dem traditional Arab garbs from Mecca. Good luck to the students that just resumed. The lot that just concluded their NYSC thingy, get out of our houses & get a job. Lol.

Have I missed anything? Not to worry! I'll write an article and post tomorrow. Should be a good one.

---->>>>Cue (glory glory, man united..)

ON THE FENCE

There I was, sat directly behind the taxi driver, chewing gum, checking goal.com for their preview of who United would play at the weekend..when a pretty young girl sat beside me, baby in hand and all that. As we made our way to school, her baby started crying, when upon a sudden, the mother lifted her blouse, adjusted her bra and started to breastfeed the baby..all in one swift movement. I swallowed hard. Here was a girl, pretty much my age (early nineties), bare breast, very beautiful. Naturally, a full blooded young man is religiously obliged to look, but a more moral voice in your head tells you that's someone's mother's breast you're going to look at. It left me with a decision to make.

When I finish a book review, I leave it in my room; untouched, unedited -- and go out for a walk. On these walks, I wrestle with some serious doubt. Is it right for some guy to sit there and critique a book that someone laboriously wrote? Is it right to make a living off of someone else's book..just because you can write!

I no go lie you, a proper critique will say what the author/director did wrong, things he did right, the believability of the work, historical accuracy, stuff that could be improved upon..all these will be found in a review, but its not always in equal measure. At the most, you get in a few lines about what's good about the book/movie...then you coin lovely little phrases about what's wrong about the work.

The negative is what people look out for. That is certainly worthy of criticism, but then you would be criticizing human nature. There are probably thrice as many synonyms for bad as there are for good. But these things have to be done, as when one reads a compendium of reviews and you evaluate the negatives pointed out by those critics, you can then weigh the pros and the cons and decide if the work is worthy of your time.

That's when I make the decision that I'm not doing something bad by critiquing a work. Then I go back home to edit, and post.
*phew* Weight off my shoulders! Thanks for listening..

--->>>Cue (I seriously tried not to look. I really did!!)

GUEST POST: Let them die, Nobody cares.

Woke up to a mail from an aggrieved alumnus of Federal Government College, Ilorin. Pretty sickening, this. Anyway, read and spread.

"I witnessed what can only be described as the height of the display of irresponsibility, negligence of duty, and exhibition of inhumane behaviour as Federal Government Colleges resumed. The unity schools called off the strike for reasons best known to them and fixed the resumption date to be 19th October 2014. The students of Federal Government College Ilorin, had to do their registration by the school gate outside the school with only a few tents around, and rather consternatingly; there was a single table for the registration of all the students -- as against the usual 3-4 tables which would have made registration easier and faster.

Some students were registered while numerous others, including some who got to the school gate around 2:30pm were not registered. It got heated when the School said it had closed registration for the day at 6:00pm and told students who were yet to be registered to go back home. It all appeared like a joke till it turned out to be not; the "normal" process and procedure obtainable since my days in the school was to allow students go in their hostels and complete their registration the next day. This wasn't the case this time, for all we were told was "it is the Principal's order".

Parents pleaded for hours before rain of curses in the Nigerian way began. Some staff smuggled their wards into the school. Some parents took their wards back home or at least where they can pass the night. Students from far North and far South who came with no parents around were begging for mercy but there we stood when the Principal and other "Important staff" of the school drove off to their homes or wherever they were headed. Persistent call from home forced me to leave to school gate leaving the "Secondary students" in the hands of God around 9:00pm.

The rationale behind this decision i wouldn't know; a situation where students were forced to sleep outside under harsh conditions and also considering the state of security of the Nation!

The Principal owes these students duty of care as without them what will she be "Principalling" over.
Issues like this ought to be investigated, questioned and also discussed at PTA meetings but no, everybody is concerned about how funds will be generated and spent. I just hope and pray those children are safe and sound. Those who care are powerless and those with power, do not care."
--->>>Babalola Larthieph.

PS: There's little I can do about occurrences like this, as I'm only a student myself...but something has to be done. If you can do more than I have, please do. You'll be helping the country.

--->>>Cue (concerned citizen)

WHEN IS IT NIGHT

It is never, at any point in time, totally dark the world over. This is the case because the earth revolves around the Sun, while it (the earth) spins on its axis; which is defined as an imaginary line running from North pole to South pole. The earth being a spherical entity, it works out that one half of it (the earth) faces the Sun and is consequently illuminated while the other half, hidden from the Sun is dark. Day and Night they call these two phases. Pretty simple, I think.

However, a little something gives my earth palpitations (see what I did there?). It's something I think about when I retire to my bed and can't fall asleep. It's a nonsense thought I know, but I just need some clarification. There are some caveats, but basically, when its bright, its day and when its dark its night.

Before noon, its morning. After noon, as the name suggests; is afternoon. Now what evening entails is sort of vaguely defined as the period between dusk and when it gets dark. Night however, is very fucked up. When I call a girl up around, say, 8pm..its still 'Good evening'. Just before midnight nko? Say, 11pm. How do you greet someone around that time? Good night doesn't sound right.

When its 1am, its morning already. Is there a night? Yes? When does it begin and when does it end. Idle thoughts on my end. Dunno what the main feature of the week will be, as school is back in session -- but I'll come up with something good; as is my prerogative.

Until then. Be excellent!

--->>>Cue (..dreaming of what could be)

Agbaya?

Morning peeps. This past week, I gallantly battled, and thankfully defeated a rather serious medical condition; the like of which I'd hitherto not had the distinct displeasure of facing. Its something like a boil, but not quite -- as it began with ominous pain in my eye, then quickly metamorphosed into a red eye, a swollen eyelid, and a rather hefty bag below my right eye. It fucking looked like I had a scrotum under my eye. Which soiled my mood and made me miserable. Apollo? I wouldn't wish that thing on my enemy.

At the beginning, I stated that I have a keen interest in noticing things that aren't there to be noticed. I was in a bar on Saturday, drinking coke (Lol) when the conversation of the girls occupying the adjacent booth drifted to the porn they found on their uncle's phone. They called him agbaya. Agbalagba dey watch bluefilm, you dey call am agbaya -- its called 'adult movie' for a reason, I think.

I'll do a review of a book authored by a Nigerian this week. Its gonna be legendary. Keep those fingers crossed. In the meantime, be brilliant.

Till then.

---->>>>Cue (I am looking for that shawty...)

VALUE FOR MONEY

The human mind is so infinitely complex; its mere location is disputable. Some point to their heads when saying "have you lost your mind", others point to their hearts when saying "keep me in mind". Wherever its location, there's no disputing the fact that it harbours all feelings and emotions.

Greed, hurt, satisfaction, love, contentment and all sort of human emotion are hard to quantify; as there's no metric to gauge them by -- which all adds up to make psychology an interesting study.

There are many facets to happiness -- the most sought after of human emotions. Vengeance, morose delectation, masochism, opulence etc are all capable of giving varying degrees of happiness to different people. Today, I'm gonna talk about satisfaction, which I define as the gratification of a desire/want.

Not too long ago, in a not-so-weird father-son bonding exercise, I went shopping with my daddy. I rolled the cart and picked up some stuff. When we got to the nutrition section, i picked two 500g sachets of Milo when someone said that had automatically qualified me for a raffle draw and i would stand the chance to win a car, a laptop, a tablet and other assorted debaucheries. Cue the disappointment when I drew a paper revealing I'd won a pen. A fucking pen! All that money and I only have a 20naira pen!! When I left the store,I was a tad unhappy.

So in the evening, while hanging with friends, I brought the issue up. One of them said, "...but you still have your Milo. Whatever you were going to win with the coupon is just a bonus." I never thought of it that way. That shit transcends tea peeps! Sometimes in life, you set a goal. Along the line, there's an opportunity to achieve more than the set goal (and you take your eyes off the prize a little). When in the end, you end up with 'just' the goal (& not the bonus), you should be satisfied that the primary aim was accomplished.

Also, when a seller accepts the price I offer, I feel I should have made a lower offer. But hey, as long as you get value for your money, be happy.

Thoughts?

      --->>>Cue (imperfect me)

STORY OF FOUR

"This is a story about four people named EVERYBODY, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY & NOBODY. There was an important assignment to be done. EVERYBODY was sure SOMEBODY would do it. ANYBODY could've done it, but NOBODY did it. SOMEBODY got angry about it because it was EVERYBODY's duty. EVERYBODY thought ANYBODY could do it, but NOBODY realized that SOMEBODY wouldn't do it. In the end; EVERYBODY blamed SOMEBODY when NOBODY did what ANYBODY could have done."

There's a tonne of 'bodys' in there. Asides that, I must say that this isn't my idea. I'm not that smart. I was going through my secondary school notes and jotters when I saw it on the back pages of my Further-Maths note. Unfortunately, the younger version of Cue didn't know to quote the source. Apologies to the author.

On a much chipper note, this is one piece that fits snuggly into the Zeitgeist. The piece is self-explanatory.

Dinner is in the oven. I'm going to bed.

          ---->>>>Cue (...in the early nineties, that was the beginning..)

Return of The King

You ever watched those lovely movie adaptations of the books by Mr J.R.R Tolkien? The third was 'Return of The King' I think. I know the story has very little correlation with my 'return' coz technically; i never left -- but a little braggadocio never killed anybody. While making inroads into my ram meat,  I would open my blog and worry about you people. What have your eyes been reading? How has Sallah been? Good, I bet.
To substance: after that brief recess, I must say 'apologies' like they do in that Spartacus movie for not keeping my promise of posting throughout the week that just left us to never return. Unreserved apology? No sir. I only missed Friday which translates to 20% of the target. 80% is a bloody good grade in any exam. Apologies!
I went swimming today (first time in my life). Since we're friends, I'm gonna be upfront with you. When I was in the changing room, I felt good about my physique & shape -- until I had to approach the pool. Cold shrinks penii; FACT! And it was windy. Still, when I saw how 'little' heftier guys were, I chuckled, looked down, gave myself a mental high five, and walked majestically to the pool. Now, how to get the water out of my ears!
That's that for today/tonight. Tomorrow, I'll post one of my write ups. Its been a while.

          ---->>>>Cue (is penii even a word?!)

Barka de Sallah

It would be totally remiss of me to not wish you a merry, happy Sallah, so I'm going to wish you people a merry, happy Sallah. Full gist after/during the celebrations.
Enjoy!

---->>>>Cue (Merry, Happy Sallah)

Quickie

Not even Lucifer's acolytes can derail my aim of achieving a perfect week, blogically speaking. Its been a crazy day. I saw a ram that, had it been a cow, I still would've thought it 'big'. I also went home. Not home as in, home home, but home as in hometown home. I have to admit it was good to see my people.
I would post something concrete, but when I'm tired, my brain functions at a quarter of its normal capacity. Plus, my battery is running low. Plus, the journey is taking its toll. I'll make it up to you people.        Still, it feels good to fulfill my promise to blog every single day of this week. Now I'll grab a little sleep. Odàáro..

---->>>>Cue (Baby, I wanna love you...I wanna be with you, both night and day..)

I LOVE AMERICA

"Now listen here mister. We got no way of understanding this world. We got about as much sense of it as a bird flying in the sky. Now there's a lot that bird don't know; but the world is happening around him just the same..."
-->>Forrest Bondurant (Lawless)

You just love some things. Some can be explained: your love for/of self, parents, siblings, friends. Some are understandable: your love of/for your girlfriend, food. Some are tolerable: the love you have for 'your' football team, masturbation, a particular soap opera. Some are brow-raisingly questionable: like your love of violent porn, older women and other peculiar fetishes. And then there's stuff you love without a discernible reason. My friend, 'Lekan, loves drinking water straight from the bottle and he can't quite explain why.
Me? I've never been to the country, but I love America. I love their egotistical way of referring to a championship that, exclusively involves teams within the country as a 'World Series'. I love the arrogance etched on the faces of their athletes at the Olympics. I love the fact that people like Kim Kardashian make it big in America. I love Harvard. I love their reverence of their heroes. The sheer intensity of their diversity is astonishing (even black people have blue eyes) -- I love that as well. I love how they value convenience (have you been in a Ford?). I love Hollywood, and a great many of its movies. I love the cheap food. I adore Johnny Depp and Daniel Day-Lewis. I love so many things about America.
But I'm not from America, and I'm not in anyway downcast about it. I used to be sha. A friend's dad would say "..we didn't come to a wrong world, we only came to the wrong country". That line still cracks me up when it comes to mind.
Being a Nigerian is a really big challenge as its hard for a man to rise, whose qualities are thwarted by poverty. Make we no lie ourselves, poverty pervades the land. Why that is, is anybody's guess.
Like that man said, sometimes I really do wonder if Providence could've made me an American -- but it is what it is. I'm not gonna cry foul at the ways of my country, I'm not even gonna complain. I think I'm Nigerian for a reason. The reason, I do not know just yet, but I like to think its to effect a positive change or two around here.
My love for my country is borderline xenophobic. Walai I don't know why that is. I guess I have as much sense of it as a bird flying in the sky. I know that wishes aren't horses, but if mine count for anything, I wish that we somehow..somehow, surmount our many challenges.
Happy Birthday Nigeria.

---->>>>Captaincue (...and uphold her honour and glory...)

RIGHTS

A little caveat to begin with: in no way, form or structure is this missive intended as a slight on our admirable police force. Instead, I intend to find out what the law says about parading SUSPECTS to the public. I own a copy of the Nigerian Constitution, but I don't have a law degree. Someone does. Here's the angle of a legal beagle on the conundrum. Have a good read peeps:

"I am an apostle of succinctness, conciseness and clarity of write up or retort as my friend would say, i will practice what i preach. Let me start by saying every Man has legal rights as well as obligations, even animals have theirs. There are rights that stand above ordinary laws of the land and which is said to be an antecedent to the political society itself. These rights are so important that they were obliged a chapter in the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria 1999 (as amended) this is contained in chapter IV.  According to Salmons, a legal right may be defined as any advantage or benefit conferred upon a person by a rule of law.
The main purpose of these rights is to prevent disorder, breach and to ensure the presence of an outlet for the oppressed to seek redress and fair play in the temple of justice, thereby serving as the remedy against defects of police and those ugly things one finds in the body politic. This in the words of per Unurhoro JSC in Isagba V Ashiedu (1982) NCLR 784.
These rights as contained in the constitution covers all spheres of a purpose driven individual and further provides for it enforceability. These rights ranges from Right to Life, Right to dignity of human person, Right to personal liberty and other constitutional safeguards against arbitrary trial of suspects of crime. (see generally section IV of the constitution, get a constitution if you don't have one).
It must however be said that although these rights are specifically provided for and beautifully made, what comes to play in reality of our present society is the great influence and effects what is referred to as 'Nigerian factor'. This is a Nigerian line of reasoning and notoriety in orientation. As all breathing Nigerians would testify to, this Nigerian factor and mentality has eaten deep into all sectors and systems of the country. The Nigerian police being an important part of the system is alarmingly affected.
Just yesterday, an uncle of mine saw 3 policemen in their uniforms and thought aloud with the expression that the appearances, countenances and demeanour all shows how ill motivated and uninterested they are about the job, it is a job of last resort where no other job offer is present to many. The knowledge and qualifications aside, which i am not saying it is not of importance, one could easily draw a conclusion that they constantly set out to unleash their frustrations on members of the society.
Now to the issue of public parade of arrested person or suspects as criminals. It must be said that there is a difference between an arrested person, suspect and a criminal. One can be arrested for anything as arrest itself doesn't confirm the arrested person guilty or criminal.
In similar vein, suspicion, no matter how serious cannot take the place of evidence or facts and hence suspected persons cannot be convicted on mere suspicion.
However a criminal is someone that has been so adjudged or confirmed guilty of committing a crime by a court of competent jurisdiction. One then seems to wonder if Nigerians and Nigerian police know the difference between these 2 or 3 words as they are constantly abused in their usage.
Why do the police parade arrested persons publicly? In my own opinion which i am entitled to, i think it is a way of creating awareness and possibly notifying the family and friends of arrested persons of such arrest. This could further be to enhance and enable granting of bail "for free" in demanding circumstances. I wonder how unlucky and innocent people have been a victim of these malicious parades.
It is not only wrong to parade arrested persons around streets and town but it is also illegal and unlawful. There is a stipulated method of conducting an identification parade where the need arises. It is shameful to see our Police operate in such level. What happened to their duty to protect rights of members of the society, their " friends"?.
I must say that ignorance kills faster than a bullet in the head, members of the society need be aware of the existence of this right and how they can have it enforced. If individuals who themselves are law abiding stand against the breach of their legal rights, police will be forced to respect them and enforced such right. Why do you think they are petrified of lawyers.
Know your rights and don't die in silence."

->Abdulsalam Abdulateef (Lawyer)

---->>>>Cue (not a lawyer...)

CURIOUS

I am a particularly inquisitive boy. Always have been. I once took a stroll with a friend when she started laughing upon a sudden. I thought her mom's orogun had corroborated with a Babalawo to take her sanity. But no, she had noticed something written in Hausa on the wall of an uncompleted building. It said: "dump refuse here and DIE".
I lol'd and accepted the challenge. Why and how would someone die by dumping refuse. So I unwrapped a bubblegum, walked back 20meters, dumped the refuse beneath that writing -- that was 4years ago. In case you haven't noticed, I an not dead! Unless, of course, we're all dead and are now living in the world Bruce Willis lived in for 90% of 'Sixth Sense'.
I am not a teenager anymore (sobs), & I couldn't possibly reach such levels of preposterousness even if I tried, but I'm still very much a card carrying member of the skeptic's society. I just wanna know why, and how.
Why do the Nigeria(n?) Police parade alleged suspects before they are arraigned and convicted. Whatever happened to 'innocent until proven guilty'. That question has been getting my goats for quite some time. I (you) could very easily be in the vicinity of 'dem boyz' and be arrested with them. That is a mere coincidence in my opinion, but being paraded shirtless & in boxers is a different ball game all together.  Is it constitutional? Is it even legal? What does the law say about that!
Unfortunately, I'm no lawyer, so I can't give a definitive answer. Fortunately, I have a jillion lawyers around me and I've mailed three of them. If I get a response before noon tomorrow, that'll be the post of the day. If I don't, then something else. Until then.
A very good morning.

---->>>>Cue (Superstar, Gangster, Master blaster..)

BIBULOUS

How're you. Notice I didn't put a question mark in there? I think 'how are you' is only a greeting, not a question. Some would argue that you have to respond anyway, but that was rhetorical -- you don't have to answer; for I know you're fine & dandy. Else ways, you wouldn't be on this platform reading me bibulously make an argument against myself.
But if for some reason, you're not all fine & dandy, probably due to a flu of sorts, or you're going through a breakup or low finances or insufficient data balance or you are just plain depressed...its going to be alright. Whenever you're despairing, just remember that the worst fear you once had was the prospect of being flogged for an assignment you failed to complete in primary school! Point being; whatever you're going through right now, you'll definitely look back on it in some 3years and smile at the sheer impermanence of life's many challenges. You'll be fine.
That proviso over with, despite a perpetual lack of money in my account, its all shaping up to be a bloody awesome Sallah celebration. Big ups to the Nigerian Army; seems they're getting the upper hand against the You-Know-Who-s. Shout out to my eldest sister who marked her birthday on the 27th. Shout out to an old friend, Bc who marked hers on 'September 11th'. I reserve the biggest one for those who for one reason, or another, click and read. Gracias.
Finally, I think I might just buck a trend & post at least once daily for the next week. I feel remarkably happy and fired up. Never mind the positivity shit in the second paragraph..I needed that more than anyone.
That's it for tonight boys, and girls. I hope to see you people again tomorrow (just bookmark this thing already..lol). Much [unrequited] love from Captaincue. See you around.

             ---->>>>Cue (didn't know what bibulous means until about 5mins ago)

MY LIFE

I was going to post an essay, but decided against it. Why? Because I can! That's why. Lol. Gaskiya, I think books provide an esoteric collection of empirical knowledge, and with the purported dearth of 'reading culture' (whatever that means) I saw it fit to post another review. Spontaneity is the keystone in the structure of my blog, and 'book review' takes precedence over all other stuff this week. Bear with me, and enjoy:
SUMMARY:
MY LIFE is a 2004 autobiography of a certain Bill Clinton; former President of the USA. The book details; albeit chronologically, his childhood; growing up with grandparents in a little town Hope in Arkansas, coping with an abusive stepfather (whom he loved), highschool, Georgetown University, Oxford, Yale Law School (quite some education, won't you say)...being Governor of Arkansas..all the way to his Presidency of the United States.
PLOT
Not many people can lay claim to being the President of the United States. Being a nonfictional book, there's really no plot to speak of as its a true story. William Jefferson Blythe was born in August 1946, barely 3months after his father died in a car accident. Despite growing up with an alcoholic who was abusive, he still loved his stepfather; so much that he changed his last name to Clinton in his early teens. His involvement in politics was no fluke as well, because as a teenager in highschool, he was a prominent member of the Student government. Also, while attending a Government leadership program, he got to meet President John Kennedy in 1963.
He wanted, and he secured an admission into Georgetown University in Arkansas to study International Studies. Again, he got involved in Politics by working as an intern with a Senator William Fullbright -- because like himself, the Senator was against the Vietnam war. (A stick his opponents would use to beat him throughout his political career).
He went to Oxford via a scholarship, attended the University of Arkansas Law School and eventually rounded up his formal education by attending the Yale Law School.
Along the line, he worked some high profile jobs on campaigns and upon graduation from Yale, he secured a job as a staff attorney for a House Committee in Washington.
He was elected as the Attorney General of Arkansas in '76 and in '78, he was elected Governor of Arkansas. He was voted out of office because of some unpopular policies...and later reelected.
In a long and winding political career, he was elected President of the United States in '93. His most notable works were on healthcare reforms and national spending and assault weapons and several peace treaties. He also worked on Monica Lewinsky.
He left office in 2000.

MY VERDICT
Rio Ferdinand has 3 or 4 autobiographies, the lot of which are increasingly largely forgettable. Mr Rio apparently thinks an autobiography is a book in which you rat on your colleagues and mates. Just like Mr Ferdinand, Mr Clinton is a very popular man. Unlike Mr Ferdinand, Mr Clinton sure can write.
When a book is 969 pages long, and the title is not Les Misrablés , one would expect some rather long and unnecessary details...you get those in this book; what with the description of the wife of a barman and all such overkill.
In Nigeria, a politician is a bad man/woman (mostly). Before I read this book, I was of the same opinion myself but Mr Clinton's painstaking recollection and description of politics, polity and policies is  quite an eye opener. It gives the reader another perspective to view things from.
I particularly liked the part where he talked about his years at Georgetown; the classes, the papers, the writeups, the debates and all.
The man is a brilliant man, of that there is no doubt. But I know some people dislike him due in no small part to his history with infidelity (Monica Lewinsky) and some unpopular policies.
Apart from the sheer bulk of the book, my only ish is that he focused a lot on 'forgiveness' from Hillary (wife) and Chelsea (daughter) for his misdeed. That was rather disappointing. I guess maybe I wanted an X-rated, erection-inducing, swashbuckling recount of his escapade with that woman Lewinsky...and how she would hide between his legs, under that table in the Oval Office while he brokered a peace deal between Israel and Palestine. There was no such description. Lol.
All in all, an extramarital affair (or two), a bright (very) educated democrat, awesome speeches, alcoholism, abuse, a good insight into the sociopolitical makeup of the 90s, nostalgia, hope, Mandela, conflicts, Tony Blair, Arafat, Ebola, epithets and anecdotes ad infinitum -- makes this book an interesting read for nostalgic old people, an awesome guide for young peeps full of prospect and hope AND a timeless classic for lovers of autobiography.
As an aside, Mr Bill's professor said and he quoted in the book, and I'm quoting in my blog too, that "the future can be better than the past & each individual has a personal, moral obligation to make it so". Apposite!

MY VERDICT:
A truly good read (even if you're apolitical).

         ----->>>>Cue (..feeling my way through the darkness).

PS: I know a shitload of people read this blog, and I don't wanna go all Oliver Twist on you..but a comment here and there will be a lovely icing on my cake. Eseun

You Are Well Done O..

Its been raining goats and cows all week, and a loud thunderstorm woke me up around 3 in the night/morning. So I ate some coco-chops, sat at my desk, chewed on my pencil for a while -- wondering if/what I would post in the next week. I'll just draft straight from my phone.
Erosion control has been tedious and it took up most of my Saturday. No biggie though, just doing a little community service. But, is there anything more annoying than a passing vehicle honking at you while you're putting gravelly sand in spots dug by erosion? (No, there isn't) Why can't you just say "you are welldone o.." and drive off. Its disrespectful. Maybe I'll feel less bitter about it when I get my stiff back massaged by my girlfriend. Except that I don't have a girlfriend. I'm not a miserabilist sha, as I've learnt to start partitioning stuff. As instances; an unyielding girl won't affect my mood when grabbing a cold one with friends... Diamond bank mailing me (AGAIN!!) that I have 973naira doesn't mean my smile would be less brilliant. There's a lesson in there somewhere, I think.
Now I'm just going to play Scrabble against 'computer' until I beat it by 50points. The main post of the week will be an essay. Or a book review. I'll decide on Monday. Should be a good read, as is my prerogative.
Much love.

             ---->>>>Cue (..I no know say Silifa na heartbreaker..)

Ponmo

         As far back as I can remember, the concept of 'balanced diet' has been drummed into my ears. In my earliest years in primary school, Uncle (Mr Ibrahim)  had a diagram of a pyramid showing foods that provide protein. Meat and fish were atop the pyramid. Milk and eggs directly underneath... below them were cheese, soybeans (beske) and the likes.
One thing I never spotted on the pyramid was ponmo (cow skin). Ever since primary school, as much as finances would allow, I've always tried to balance my diet. You know; bread n tea, rice n beans, yam n egg. Even with swallow, one would try to eat with meat. Or fish (I don't like). Or cheese. Or God (didn't always) forbid, beske.
          Invariably, tough times came frequently and it was one of the unwritten principles of the family to NOT eat 'empty'. Ponmo was never the first option, it was always the last resort. Nutritionists would stress that it has no fattening properties. More staunch (wicked) nutritionists said it had no nutritional value whatsoever. But we still had to put something in the soup...and ponmo always, always came to our rescue.
Imagine the shock horror I felt when I saw on Linda's blog that the FGN was gonna ban ponmo. So I googled 'FGN and ponmo' and saw a news feed from Vanguard newspaper in which the Minister of Agriculture Dr Akinwunmi Adesina, represented by Dr Ademola Raji summarily said that he commends the National Institute of Animal Science (NIAS) for its programs that promote value addition in livestock -- (fair enough, but wait for it) -- as AGAINST sale and consumption of primary products alone, PARTICULARLY with the issue of CURTAILING the widespread CONSUMPTION of hide and skin as PONMO -- which OUGHT to be TANNED INTO LEATHER for a very high dollar return to the farmer and the tanneries.
          In this context, 'curtail' is an euphemism for ban. Gaskiya, I don't think this is an either/or kind of situation.. there should be no absolutes here dear Minister. We can eat ponmo and still make leather -- we only ever really have to increase livestock production. Am I missing something here?! Why are these people so shallow. Why do you have to do something controversial just to let people know you're in office. Ponmo didn't do anything. We know it has no nutritional value, but many a great idea has been conceived over plates of hot, spicy ponmo and a cold bottle of stout -- plus the illusion it gives a vast majority of families that their soups aren't empty is reason enough for me (to NOT 'curtail' it).
          For Ponmo's sake, isn't this a democracy? Should what we (don't) eat be determined at the whim of a man seemingly intent on doing something so incredibly rash, patently unnecessary and downright injudicious. A little poem I saw on twitter to wrap up the rant:         
      "Why are we banning ponmo,
         Ponmo never hurt anyone,
           Ponmo never embezzled,
             Ponmo never ran for President,.
        Ponmo never abducted schoolgirls."
    And it was ever thus.
              
                               ---->>>>Cue (Dear ponmo, you are not alone//I am here with you…)

AS E DEY GO

I'm guessing you're alive and well. My hair is two weeks past due for clippers. I don't know why I told you that, I just felt like I should share something personal with y'all. I've said it before but lemme just reiterate that I don't have high hopes of/for this thing...I merely wanted to gratify a gnawing curiosity. And I have. 'Captaincue; proud founder, owner and CEO of captaincue's blog' sounds good, does it not!
Really, at the beginning, I envisaged that by the end of 2014; 5months after the birth of this blog, I might be able to get a hundred views at the entirety of my posts. Yet, here we are, a little over two weeks after I drunkenly made my first post from a tiny cyber-café in metropolitan Ilorin, there's been a cool 463 page views. *sobs*
I don't usually get emotional about these things, but what is happening?!!!! Now I can no longer pretend this thing doesn't matter coz for some reason, it does. It got me to thinking: more readership, more observations, more criticism, more kudos and more obligation on my part to do right by this thing. And most of all, the more glaring my mistakes (grammatical, codification) will be. Its bloody exciting people.
Shout out to my friends who share the link. Shout out to the peeps who click. Shout out to Emeka for clothing me.  Shout out to my brother, and sisters. I've not exactly fulfilled a dream....which kid dreams of becoming a blogger?!!!!! I'm happy though. I'll end this episode here before I start crying.
Wow. Thank you all. Until later...
--->>>Captaincue (oya j'ijo Shoki)

BOURNE

Evening all. My book reviews will consist four parts;
1. Vague summary of the book.
2. The Plot.
3. My Verdict.
4. My rating; on a scale of bloody-awesome to fucking-awful.
Here goes:
SUMMARY:
The book of discourse today is BOURNE IDENTITY -- the first installment in the original installment of a trilogy (its been continued by a number of authors since Robert Ludlum's demise). The Bourne Identity is a 1980 spy-fiction-thriller resplendent in action packed, espionage-filled themes that tells the tale of a certain Jason Bourne; a chronic amnesiac with no recollection of his person and no vestige of his past, save for a microfilm (this was 1980, remember?!!) and a Swiss bank account holding a cool $5m.
As Mr Robert Ludlum is wont to do, he takes the reader into a very energetic, highly charged amorphous world of a complex man whose psychobiological configuration is so different to the everyday man it almost belies credulity. Almost.

PLOT:  
The preface contains two 1975 'real life' write-ups about Sanchez Ilich Ramirez ominously dubbed 'Carlos the Jackal'.
  In a world infinitely more chaotic than mine, a man is fished out of the Mediterranean sea in Marseilles where a degenerate doctor stitches him up and he wakes without any solid recollection of his previous life. Only clue he has is a microfilm which leads him to Zurich where several attempts are made on his life. He escapes, survives and instinctively adapts to goings-on around and about him. In a bid to piece together his fragmented life, circumstances lead him from Marseilles to Zurich to Paris where he meets and befriends a Canadian economist in an obligatory love twist to the story.
Bourne has spasmodic recollections of a turbulent past. He speaks several Mandarin dialects and is so well versed in disguise, combat and weapons of all sorts he would put Jack Bauer to shame.   He (and his increasingly prominent girlfriend) must escape death traps from both the CIA and a ruthless assassin (Carlos) who possesses a super network of highly motivated comrades -- while he tries to make sense of his life.
MY VERDICT:
By now, everyone must have seen a movie or read a book about the many covert operations of the CIA the world over. If you haven't, this is a good place to start. In my honest opinion, The Bourne Identity gives the reader a firsthand knowledge of what goes on in the dark labyrinthine world of a spy and the life and death decisions he has to make on a daily basis.
Mr Ludlum does a brilliant job of describing the combats, the weapons and the characters are a complex bunch.
If you are not a fan of conspiracies, you'll find the book a little tedious and curse Cue for not warning you about a boring read.
If on the other hand you love spy stuff, you'll love this one. Amidst all those spy-yey guff, there are some hardcore lessons applicable in the nonfictional world.
The book offers a course in bribery, concentration, focus, resilience and animalistic desire to survive through some quality epithets. Do yourself a favour, and read a copy.
CUE's RATING:
BLOODY AWESOME.

There you have it. Now I'm hungry. Have yourselves a bloody good rest of the week.

--->>>Cue (bookish fiend)

Quick quickie

I received a couple of mails from incepting fans of my blog highlighting their inability to comment on my posts. Not to worry dear friends, Captaincue has solved the unseemly quandary. I adjusted the setting such that if one is not the proud owner of a Google account, you can now comment as 'anonymous'.
That over with. I know what the critics say, but I hope Chinua Achebe's (God rest his soul) 'THERE WAS A COUNTRY; A PERSONAL HISTORY OF BIAFRA' is an honest-to-God unbiased and objective historical/autobiographical recollection of those events. I look forward to the read as I bought it with the last Naira in my wallet.
I had/have a friend. A girl. A female....of the opposite sex. She's petite and opinionated. I asked her out on Friday. She shakara-d me...but I'll keep working on her.
I look forward to having a perfect  week. My definition of a perfect week is: >>No chores (at all). >>One in which my parents travel. >>No pain in my right knee. >>Hanging out with friends. >>Reading a good book. >>Writing a short, short story and adding a chapter or two to my novel.
But I won't have a perfect one. If I have three of the above, it'll still be a good week by my reckoning.
The main feature of the week will be a book review. It should be bloody awesome. Till then....(or sooner)..

--->>>Cue (Fine boy, Better pikin)

The Follow-up

Last week was a pretty eventful one. Apologies for not posting something earlier - - I've been busy with holiday work (supervising the renovation of a house).

Anyway, my longterm friend came back from Agbani. He went a mere law student, now he's come back a lawyer (we hope!). I took him out with another buddy of mine and celebrated his achievement with hard earned money. Ate chips and chicken. Terrible food, not-so-cold drinks. Got the cook's number and gave it to my lawyer friend -- a 'welcome back' present if you will.

Rather consternatingly, I spent about a minute trying to figure out if it should be followup, follow-up or follow up. The rest of the week petered out without much activity. I know this is belated, but have a brilliant weekend y'all. I'll post a proper article this week.

-->@Captaincue (it's follow-up ba?)
   P.S: LvG out!

The Kick-Off

For a grave sin I must have committed in my previous life, I have toiled karmically for a long while in my attempts at starting a blog. This, thankfully, will be the end of my struggles. Frankly, i don't have a goal with this thing except that the thought of having "...loving husband, millionaire business-man, doting father, awesome grandfather AND blogger" on my epitaph is bloody exciting.
  
What to expect? My posts will include, but will not be limited to articles, essays, book reviews, pedantic rants, movie reviews...etc – all told (written) with a creative insight that will maintain a critical balance between humour and sobriety. Plus, I’ll make sure aesthetics do not take precedence over the message.

So, Why now?  Well, this being my first post and whatnot, I feel the urge to make bogus statements about how my blog is going to be a problem solvent and change the way of things. But that would be me lying. It won’t. I’ve thought about it a long time and the best I could come up with was: Why not now?

Why start a blog in the first place? In all honesty, I aided the aforementioned karma by deliberately putting it off until I felt I was ‘ready’. Then I saw a quote somewhere that said “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” AND it was attributed to DMX. D-bloody-MX!! You’ll agree with me he’s not the smartest dude alive; as evidenced by his frequent avoidable run-ins with the law. So, I realized I didn’t have to be all perfect (hell, I’m not even the smartest guy in my clique), to make a difference.

So, to answer my question: I thought I’d share with my prospective readers what I’ve seen /learnt/ heard/ read/ observed or otherwise noted in books, movies, correspondence, e-correspondence, conversations (even while eavesdropping), and in goings-on around and about me.

Frankly, a (bad word deleted) blog isn’t going to change the world, but it can get us (we’re a team now!) on our way. A wise man once said; “every little helps” and this, is my own token. I guess you’ll have to be there to see how it turns out. I, for one, cannot wait.

Welcome!

                           ----@Captaincue (big fan of DMX)