WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (31/01/2015)

People of the betting confraternity. We are gathered here today to resume our arduous quest of winning 2million naira by staking 200 naira on a couple of games every (other) weekend.
Pull up a sit...

PSV vs Willem II Tilburg
Willem II Tilburg. What a name. But that's about all that's remarkable about the club. PSV came through for me last week after coming back sharp as when they went on winter break. A banker.
PSV win

BRADFORD vs COLCHESTER
LOL. I don't usually include these lower league teams in my accumulators coz they're an unreliable bunch but lemme put this into perspective: If for some reason, I had the opportunity to have sex with a beautiful Russian girl, say, Maria Sharapova on my birthday, would you people not accord me some respect for the week that follows at least? You would eh? Then why the fuck wouldn't I tip a Bradford victory this weekend. After all, they just eff'd a Russian woman by the name of Chelski.
Bradford win.

BRENTFORD vs MIDDLESBROUGH
See above.
Boro win.

CESENA vs LAZIO
Lazio are totally playing outta their skin right now. The team from the capital will edge this. A banker.
Lazio victory

REAL MADRID vs REAL SOCEIDAD
I would tip a routine home win at the Santiago Bernabeu (great man! Wiki him) but there's the small matter of a CR7-sized crater in the Madrid side. Plus, we all know David Moyes is a plucky little bastard.
Draw/1x

EIBAR vs ATLETICO MADRID
Coached by a man who looks like a Mexican drug Lord straight out of those Hollywood movies, the drug Lord has quietly put together a team not only strong in depth, but has some considerable width as well. Quietly. That's how WE like to operate.
Away win

I did this over a cold bottle at a bar, but that's not why I'm making these next tips. When I saw the fixtures, did the reconnaissance survey on the teams, this is what I came up with:
Over 1.5goals in all EPL games. I swear I wasn't drunk. Honest. Walaitalai...

That's the end of today's service. I'll post a review of a Nigerian book during the week. And other stuff that pops up in my brain.
Until then...
Be excellent.

Yours in tipstery;
---->>>>Captaincue

EVERY LITTLE HELPS...

There's such a thing as rehearsals,  where artistes practice before climbing the podium to perform songs; mostly from earlier in their careers. When I listen to Saheed Osupa effortlessly render a line from MasterBlaster; an album two decades old (give or take), I marvel at the kinds of brain God blessed some people with -- AND the kind HE (GOD) cursed some of us with.

Academically, I'm bang average. I would say: 'generally, I'm bang average' but I won't, coz I come up with some complex thoughts occasionally that puts my (self)perceived dumbness in question.
I'm typing this without ever really putting it in longhand -- so I'll take an example of such 'complex thinking' from the paragraph above where I wrote "..the kinds HE (GOD) cursed some of us with."
Typing that, I thought; why do I think God is a HIM. Could HE be a SHE? Does (S)HE exist? How did (S)HE come to exist?
God was there in the beginning, no? What was there before the beginning!
Whether you believe in evolution or creationism, when your thinking takes you to these dizzying realms, you actually enjoy the debate with self until you feel yourself standing perilously on the cliff of insanity.

When I started this little blog, I knew there's a perpetual search for happy-ness by most everyone & I thought I'd contribute my little token to everyone's hustle by posting stuff I learn about being happy. So I wrote a catchphrase at the top lefthand corner of my blog which I hoped would catch on. The catchphrase was "Every Little Helps".

Then about a month later, I settled down to watch Wrestlemania when a Tesco advert came on & at the end of that ad, they wrote & said: "Tesco.......every little helps". What the fuck!! This was MY catchphrase. Mine! So I googled Tesco & found that the company was opened in 1919; now a multinational company with a revenue of £70billion & more than 6000 megastores worldwide! Fucking Tesco...

So I removed that pithy catchphrase & licked my wounds. The silver lining was that I came up with something that smart in the first place; (having never heard of Tesco) -- something such a huge company paid a lot of money to professionals to come up with.
Maybe I'm not that bad after all.

If you're one who insists on getting "the moral of the story", here it is: When in dire straits happiness-wise, look for the positive things you've done in your life. Give yourself a high five; Barney-Stinson-style, roll a blunt & smoke a joint/go to church/drink with friends/talk to someone smart/listen to music at full volume or do whatever you do to get troubling stuff out your mind. Cut yourself some slack. Give yourself some credit.
The positivity & accompanying perspective will return in time & you'll be good to go again.

---->>>>Captaincue (that's how I get by...)

BETTING TIPS (24/01/2015)

BLACKBURN vs SWANSEA:
Remember the Blackburn side that had Santa Cruz, Pedersen (Morten Gamst), Bentley et al in the squad? Those days are long gone. Swansea's second string side will get the job done. For shizzle
Swansea win

BIRMINGHAM vs WEST BROM
The Pulis magic is working in the Midlands, as I predicted! Seriously, don't clap. I mean it, don't look at me any differently.
West Brom win

SOUTHAMPTON vs CRYSTAL PALACE
Over 1.5 goals thank you very much.

BRISTOL vs WEST HAM
West Ham's strength in depth & size of width is astonishing. Big squad. Won't be a straightforward victory, but will be a West Ham victory nonetheless.

ROCHDALE vs STOKE
Stoke win. Cupset my 'D'

BRIGHTON vs ARSENAL
I see nought but a very easy Arsenal win. With lots of goals to boot
Arsenal win/ over 3.5goals.

CAMBUUR vs PSV
The winter break hasn't affected PSV's excellence. I still think they'll shake off the attentions of Ajax and win the Eredivisie.
PSV win.

Good luck boys.

Yours in tipster-y;
Captaincue

EQUATORIAL GUINEA, OBIANG, HUMANITY

Usually, before a football-ing tournament gets underway, I read up on the host country(ies)... you know? The geography, the geology & all those things. Academic commitments, real life challenges I have to obliterate & a general disinterest prompted by the frequency of the cup of nations have not allowed me do the reconnaissance study I'm wont to do. But then I caught some highlights on TV last night and I did a quick Google search of the host country of the 2015 tourney: Equatorial Guinea. Hence, this piece.

Upon independence in 1968 (from Spain), Francisco Nguema was elected as President. In '72, he created a single-party state and made himself President for Life; eliminating all opposition in a reign of terror until he was ousted in a bloody coup d'etat by his nephew Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo in '79.
After initially relaxing dictatorship strings, his rule has become increasingly worse than his Uncle's! Nepotism, malevolence, torture, oppression, ethnocentrism, blatant corruption of 'fuck-you' proportions typify a man who is, to put it mildly, a terrible human being.

1. An oil-rich country with a population of just 650,702 (2012)
2. The richest country per capita in Africa ($23,133), 69th in the world
3.One of sub-Sahara's largest oil producers
4. Due to uneven distribution of oil money, a select few benefit from proceeds
5. 50% of the population (>300,000people) do NOT  have access to clean drinking water. (UN)
6. 20% of children die before age five.
7. The authoritarian government boasts one of the worst human rights records in the world
8. Women & children are subjected to forced labour & sex trafficking
9. All broadcast media are either owned by government or controlled by its allies
10. The President's son, Teodorin is Vice President and a government minister, who inflates contracts awarded to his company by daddy.
11. The man favours his son to succeed him when he passes.
12. ....on & on it goes.

My gripe? Ever since I learnt to read, I've been appalled by the lack of common human decency the world over. Power corrupts, evidently. But I often wonder, do these people not see what their people are going through? What do they know that we don't? I guess it just pains me that power rests in the hands of a minute fraction of a people. I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore.
Its just not fair.

Cue (fuck).

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (17/01/2015)

ASTON VILLA vs LIVERPOOL
Four of the last six games between these sides have resulted in over 2.5 goals. Villa are a poor side, but Liverpool are a resurgent team and they'll surely get a result at Villa park.
2X/over 1.5

QPR vs MAN UNITED
Normally, this would be one of my bankers, but LvG's tinkering is plain stupid, and its costing United valuable points. Goals are the surest bet in these games.
Over 2.5

SWANSEA vs CHELSEA
This will be tight, but Chelsea will pip it.
Chelsea to win 1-0

TOTTENHAM vs SUNDERLAND
Home win. Of course.

EMPOLI vs INTERNAZIONALE
Mancini changed from the fashionable but ineffective 3-5-2 to a 4-something-something and Inter are already better for it. This shi ain't rocket science after all.
Shame on you Louis van Gaal. Shame on you.
Inter victory, & that's a banker!

LAZIO vs NAPOLI
BTTS

AC MILAN vs ATALANTA
Milan are clearly a work in progress, but Inzaghi; the man who was born offside will push them over the line.
Slim Milan win.

JUVENTUS vs HELLAS VERONA
Juventus are playing brilliantly and scoring shitloads of goals. Long may that continue.
Juve win.

LENS vs LYON
Lyon are the form team in Europe right now and are rather surprisingly second in Ligue 1 albeit with a goal difference better than Marseille's and PSG's.
Lyon win. Sure banker!

MAN CITY vs ARSENAL
Both teams will score. Simple as..

Bet big on Derby, Wolves, Both Madrid sides & Barcelona.

Good luck people,
Yours in tipster-y,
Captaincue.

THE RAGMAN'S SON

SUMMARY
Kirk Douglas was born Issur Danielovitch in Amsterdam, New York City in  December 1916 to a remarkably poor family of nine. THE RAGMAN'S SON (1988) details his rise from the nothingness of a  humble beginning through decidedly tough circumstances to the ultimate triumph of (literally) Hollywood proportions.

THE PLOT
The book opens with a background of his parents; Jewish Russians who migrated to New York whence his dad collected rags, scrap metal and junk for coins off a wagon driven by a single horse. He had six sisters and a loving mother. 

Due to the tough love he got from his father, he grew up a shy boy and had a lot of rage in him; hence the need to express himself physically by joining the wrestling team in school. He acted in high school plays, did a lot of petty jobs to put himself through college before proceeding to a drama school on a scholarship.

He joined the navy in '41 and was discharged in '44 on medical grounds.
Eventually he acted in small pictures before securing a 7-movie contract with 'Uncle Walt' (Walt Disney himself), wriggling his way out that contract, acting in blockbusters, acting in ones that didn't bust any blocks and discussed his numerous women and accompanying sexcapades before the book peters out with an epic description of how he knew his time (as the main man) was up.

MY VERDICT
Biographies are my favourite genre of books. I like to know that people who became successful in their fields overcame life's many vicissitudes to be what they are. In that vein, this book doesn't disappoint as its rich in rich tales that, regardless of geography, one can totally relate to.
Tough love leading to inhibited kids? Check.
Inhibition leading to bottled up emotions? Check.
Strive for self-improvement? Check.
Attaining dreamy heights? Check.

There are pithy anecdotes about famous people that he knew & met; Sinatra, Reagan, Roald Dahl, Stanley Kubrick, de Laurentiis, Walt Disney & Marilyn Monroe, about whom he quipped: "...the public insists on its fantasies of Hollywood. Marilyn Monroe, on the screen, is the sexiest woman in the world. In real life, she was blah. And always late." Lol

Its also wonderfully rich in lessons on dealing with women, stopping to enjoy the good things that happen, giving his kids the metaphorical pat on their backs (like his father didn't) among other timeless topics. It has wonderful pictures to boot.

There are passages on how he lost most of his wealth to his best friend and agent, playing a movie role that almost destroyed him, and my favourite paragraph in the book: "I am thankful for all my friends. How few of them one really has. How much more important they become as you get older." That brought a tear to my eye.

All in all, the book is sometimes angry, occasionally funny, at times arrogant:
"I am not going to marry your daughter, but a time will come when you'll wish I had"...AND at other times, absolutely crazy:
"I drifted around, met lots of girls. I knew men who had sex with a different girl every night. I never understood it. I understood it less after I did it for a while. It wasn't satisfying; like Chinese food -- an hour later, you're hungry again...after about 2months, I began to wonder; what am I doing? Masturbation has more meaning. At least you develop a better relationship with your fantasies."

MY RATING
Its a thoroughly enjoyable read.

---CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

WEEKEND TIPS (09/01/2015)

SUNDERLAND vs LIVERPOOL:
Brendan Rodgers talks too much. The man always says things that makes you think he's some sort of genius. He'll have you believe Liverpool have been excellent. They haven't been.
X2

EVERTON vs Man City:
Everton put all their summer transfer money into a Lukaku shaped basket; totally neglecting defensive reinforcements. Safe to say it hasn't worked out spectacularly well for them.
Over2.5

WEST BROM. vs HULL CITY
In Tony Pulis, the Albion side have unveiled an underrated manager who'll harness the undoubted potential of a good side. You'll see.
West Brom win

PALACE vs SPURS:
Over 2.5 goals.

CELTA VIGO vs VALENCIA:
3 victories in their last three league games, including an impressive scalp over a tiring Real side. The streak will continue.
Valencia win.

GRANADA vs SOCEIDAD:
David Moyes > LvG. Wait, wait. I'll prove it.
Against Arsenal, LvG's United had 1shot & scored 2goals.
Against Barcelona last week, Moyes' team had zero, I repeat: ZERO shot(s) & scored a goal. So, Q.E.D, David Moyes > LvG.
That said, after beating the mighty Barca last week, now watch Real Soceidad do the most DavidMoyes-y thing by limping to an eye watering draw at Granada.
X2

NAPOLI vs JUVENTUS:
In this thing of ours (providing football tips), one has to be confident. Most would bank on a fairly straight forward Juve win, but most would be wrong. Juventus have drawn 3 of their last 5 league games. Napoli have won their last two games & are playing some beautiful stuff. Long story short:
Napoli win. (Doublechance it if its in your accumulator)

INTER vs GENOA
My imagination is pretty strong & when I say Inter-Genoa three times with my eyes closed, I can picture Podolski doing fuck all until the 87th minute when hell pounce on a bouncing loose ball & hammer a thunderbastard of a shot that'll break the goalkeeper's hand & get Mancini the 3points he almost won against Juventus last week.
I also picture a lot of women naked, but that's a topic for another day.
Inter to win by 2 boobs.

St Mirren vs ABERDEEN:
Aberdeen's form reads like; WWWWW. St Mirren won't stop another double-U.
Aberdeen win.

DUNDEE vs MOTHERWELL
an astonishing 4.00 odd on a Motherwell victory. Are they mad? Anyway, its not my business.
Motherwell win.

The ones I can't tip on my blog are:
Man United, Roma, Middlesbrough, Sassuolo, Sporting Lisbon, Lyon & Marseille.
Were I to stake on those teams, I would doublechance them all. But I'm not tipping them, so pretend you didn't see the last paragraph.

Finally, for the audacious tip of the weekend, I can almost smell an Atletico victory at the Nou Camp. Worth a punt.

I hope to show you people my winning ticket on Monday.

Good luck boys.

---->>>>Captaincue. (Isè yén)

THE SPIRIT OF THE NOW

When I wrote hustler on my Twitter bio, I really was down for pure, unabridged, full blown hustling. I wasn't aware it entailed being woken up at 7 in the am, going with my agriculturist neighbour to his Church member's house. We got there, got straight to work. Work here having the meaning of fishing 80kg of catfish out the pond, killing them in a fishy genocide, de-gutting them, washing them over and over and over again, folding 'em gorgeously and putting the lot in the oven. It was tough on my back, but there's this feeling that comes with making money from the strength of one's back. You'll end up exhausted but your morale will be sky high.

I'm not really one for resolutions & all such beautifully titled yet vacuous things. In fact, I'm not a fan of tagging things, as I feel giving them titles constricts what you can achieve by them. The exact same reason I like undefined relationships. I mean I can be carrying out my boyfriending duties as you are fulfilling your girlfriendship obligations towards me. Just don't let us call it 'boyfriend & girlfriend' coz that leaches the spontaneity; gradually eroding the fun until the eventual breakup. Before long, you go a day without calling & its like, 'dude, why didn't you call'. It becomes a duty -- a burden of sorts, rather than remain something you look forward to.

My point? I saw a couple 'New Year  Resolutions' on social media & decided to make some myself -- with no apparent success I must say. By my reckoning, one doesn't have to categorically state "I'll hit the gym regularly, I'll eat right, I'll learn swimming, I'll try to hit double figures in the number of the opposite sex I bed...". I think it goes without saying that I plan to do all (most) of these, and then some.
A drastic, holistic improvement is always the goal for me.

But I wanna be a part of the zeitgeist too. So I'll say some of the things I'll do this year (but won't call them resolutions). I WILL publish stories this year. I vowed to make lots of money in 2015 & as it is, I already made a couple thousands doing the odd jobs I told you about. I will do the obligatory NYSC thing too & lots of other stuff. Its gonna be eventful.

Thus far, the year has been copacetic. I'm well aware its early days yet, but I hope these signs are ominous harbingers of a brilliant 361 days ahead.

P.S: I'll like to hit you with a book review before the week runs out. And any other stuff that pops into my brain in between. Have a good one.

---->>>Captaincue ('I want to buy 20 fish' sounds..uh, fishy! Go ahead, say it out loud..)