IT HAS BEGUN

Everybody in the family, save for my mother and two of my sisters love(d) football. The first tournament I can really recall is the Korea/Japan FIFA world cup in 2002. I wasn't even in my teens yet, but I'd discovered a sport I really love(d). Then the following year, after my older cousin came from Lagos for his pre-degree program, we started watching club football at viewing centres on weekends. On the opening weekend of the 2003 English Premier League season, Man United played host to a certain Jay-Jay Okocha's Bolton Wanderers. The minute, little details escape my memory, but I remember (vividly!) Sir Alex motioning to the bench for a thin, sprightly, pimple-faced teenager to begin his warmup. I remember there were a few vociferous objections from many United fans about Ferguson's choice of a sub. Little over five minutes later, that teenager came on, sauntered about the pitch with flair and élan, had grown men on their asses with fantastic dribbling moves I'd never watched on live television before AND affected the game such that a slender 1-0 lead turned into a robust 4-0 thrashing of Okocha's team. I knew I was watching the very beginnings of an individual's greatness, if ever there was one. The memories of the beautiful David Beckham who had departed for Madrid the previous summer was put on the back burners. Old Trafford had a new hero;
C-fcvking-Ronaldo.

There's an inescapable feeling of joy in one's gut when you witness the inceptions of (potentially) great things. I like writing, you see. And I get beside myself with pride, and joy when people think my prose is not that bad. I know how perverted it seems to cherish the opinions of strangers over the internet, but hey, Vox populi, Vox dei.

So I had the honour of guest-posting on a blog I follow religiously; naijasinglegirl.net & the feedback on the comments section has been awesome. Click HERE to read.
Also, I did a review of an upcoming artiste's LP. The guy is a friend too. I had fun writing that coz I did it for a fee *giggles*, but I've been unable to contact the blogger that posted my review for permission to repost on this blog. You can read the review HERE

Forgive me for getting ahead of myself, and I trust you'll ignore the braggadocio, but that feeling I got in 2003 at that viewing centre? I feel the same way about myself. I feel like I'm gonna be great.

Rather disturbingly, I had the same feeling when Jonathan came into power. So you can forget everything you just read about my incepting greatness, and watch my writing career crumble like a pack of cards.
Or not!

--->>>Captaincue (*****, please don't kill my vibe)

BETTING TIPS (21/02/2015)

TOTTENHAM vs WEST HAM
Rumour has it that big, fat SAM will be leaving at the end of the season. Perhaps that has affected the team. In the battle of the hams, there's no ham in betting on a Tottenham victory.
Home win.

EVERTON vs LEICESTER
Everton played with the swagger of last season in their Europa league victory; scoring four goals in the process. I'm still not fully convinced.
Over 1.5

SOUTHAMPTON vs LIVERPOOL
On our family comp, I remember I did something with my console and super Mario defied the laws of gravity. The motherfucker floated in the air and flew past 'home'. I had to restart the game and lose a bet.  It did not make any sense. And I suspect this tip won't make any sense:
Liverpool victory

CELTIC vs HAMILTON
In the dick-measuring contest of the Europa league, Celtic had the same size against one of them big-boys (Internazionale). A whopping 3inches. I keep telling you people, size is not everythi... (*taps mic* is this thing working?)
Comfortable home win

WILLEM II vs AJAX
A tasty odd of over 2.0 on an Ajax win here. As you should know, I love spicy, tasty things served to me on a silver. Red wine to boot.
Ajax win

SUNDERLAND vs WEST BROM
West brom are in swashbuckling, mid table firm. Sunderland are in dire straits.
No prizes for guessing what I'm staking on.

SWANSEA vs MAN UTD
The result of this United team is not up to the sum of its parts and I lay the blame squarely at the feet on LvG and his faux philosophy. Still, the bastards should have too much for Swansea.
United win

IPSWICH vs READING
Old, fat, chewing-gummy Yakubu is back in England. With Reading. Reading have been blowing hot n cold for a while now. Worth a punt though, even if its just to watch Yak miss from a yard out and spoil my accumulator.
X2

AUSBURG vs BAYER LEVERKUSEN
Away win

That's your lot for the weekend. Best of luck boys.

Yours in tipstery:
Captaincue

BETTING TIPS (14/02/2015)

This past week was my birthday (Wednesday). There was no birthday sex, there were lots of birthday texts, and wishes, and prayers and all such valuable but intangible stuff. I'm not gonna throw a tantrum and do a Yaya Toure. There was just a lot of time for sober reflection. Or drunken reflection -- some might say. Reflection is the keyword.

When I examined the circumstances, the happenings & non-happenings around and about me, I think Alhamdulilai is what I should say.

That over with, here's your tip for the weekend:

BOURNEMOUTH vs HUDDERSFIELD
I've had an eye on the home side all season as they continue to churn out results week after week. Its high time I staked big on them.
Bournemouth victory

BLACKPOOL vs NOTTINGHAM FOREST
Forest have arrested their decline by changing their coach; something that has seen them win two in a row. I think Nigeria should follow suit.
Away win

TORINO vs CAGLIARI
Comfortable win for Torino. They've been that good.

There will be wins for:
PSG
Napoli
Both Milan sides
Sunderland
Stoke
Both Madrid sides
Barca
Valencia
and Juventus.

Apologies for the pithy tips. I'm putting in a 4hour shift at work this morning. I'll gist you people.

Good luck boys

Yours in tipstery,
Captaincue (Happy Val. Do not make babies...!!)

O Captaincue! My Captaincue!

“
O Captain! My Captain! our
fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every
rack, the prize we sought is
won;
The port is near, the bells I hear,
the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady
keel, the vessel grim and
daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of
red,
Where on the deck my
Captain lies,
Fallen cold and
dead.
O Captain! My Captain! rise up
and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is
flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon'd
wreaths—for you the shores a-
crowding;
For you they call, the swaying
mass, their eager faces turning;
Here captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your
head;
It is some dream that
on the deck,
You've fallen cold
and dead.
My Captain does not answer,
his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm,
he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and
sound, its voyage closed and
done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship,
comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O
bells!
But I, with mournful
tread,
Walk the deck my
captain lies,
Fallen cold and
dead.
”
O Captain! My Captain! is a poem written by Walt Whitman in 1865 to celebrate the life of Abe Lincoln.

I'm gonna use the same format in the following poem, but I'll alter the words. Here goes:

   "
O Captaincue! My Captaincue!
Your daunting voyage is underway
You have no idea what nautical terms to use
But you know you'll do just okay

Your dreams are this close, yet they're still so far
Getting ever closer to your goals
A beautiful sight on the horizon
Your ship sailing -- steady as she goes

But O heart! Heart! Heart!
O the bloody tears of anguish
When you were marooned by damaging self-doubt
Constraining potential you should unleash

O Captaincue! My Captaincue!
Back in the saddle, you fucking bastard
Don't give a rat's derriere whose ox you gore
Realize most of your fears are fictional like Asgard

Whenever you're on the verge of despair
Think dear Captain -- Think!
Think of all the battles you've fought
Think dear Captain -- Think!
Think of all the lessons you've been taught
Think dear Captain -- Think!
Think of all the problems you should sort
Think dear Captain -- Think!
Some day, you'll be planted in the ground -- by your lonesome -- left to rot
Think dear Captain -- Think of all these
Will you give it your best shot, or will you not

Rise like a Phoenix
Remember these as your journey into the
world
Let hard work be your prefix
Be different like a remix

You have your heading dear Captaincue
Weigh anchor and set sail
Towards the shore of your goals
May the odds forever be in your favour.
                                             "

A chronically happy birthday Captain. Enjoy.

--->>>Cue (just thought I'd write me a lil something before heading out)

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (07/02/2015)

As usual, we are gathered here to make some serious money off those motherfcvkers. Have a meritorious weekend. Without further ado:

TOTTENHAM vs ARSENAL
There was a story this week about Clark Carlisle, an ex-footballer who got hit by a lorry in his native England. In actual fact, he jumped in front of the lorry coz he wanted to die & 'end it all'. After weeks in hospital, he came out to apologize to the driver of the lorry who must've been seriously traumatized. Mr Carlisle was depressed you see! People still snigger at people with 'mental' illness. It is 2015 people. We cannot be oblivious to it. Depression exists. If anyone reading this is in a similar state, please talk to someone immediately. Anyone. When you have another perspective to view things from, you're well on your way to wellness.
Phew.

Its all in the head, isn't it! For a decade now, Tottenham have been threatening to catch their North London neighbours, only to bottle it at the very end. Both teams are in really good nick going into this one and I'm going to err on the side of caution here.
Over 1.5 goals.

MAN CITY vs HULL CITY
Routine Manchester city win over a woefully out of form Hull.
Home win

EVERTON vs LIVERPOOL
When a man takes his own life, its called Suicide.
When a man takes another's life, its a Homicide.
When there's a mass killing, its a Genocide.
When you kill unwanted guests, you use a Pesticide.
When there are two teams in a large city with no Premier League Title between them, we call it Merseyside.
Over 1.5goals

MIDDLESBROUGH vs CHARLTON
1X

WOLFSBURG vs HOFFENHEIM
A famous victory over Guardiola's soldiers is still fresh in memory. An excellent side.
Big win for Wolfsburg

RENNES vs MARSEILLE
Marseille have been a little wobbly of late. I don't like. Normal services will resume in this one.
Away win

ATLETICO vs REAL
When people see a boy like myself (gangly, and a little nerdy) go after a classy girl, I imagine they turn up their noses and tell themselves he couldn't possibly sleep with THAT chick. Yet, he bleeps her. Repeatedly. Using all the styles in that Kamasutra flick. And Atletico keep bleeping Real. This one is hard to call for me.
Over 1.5goals

BILBAO vs BARCA
over 2.5goals.

GUINGAMP vs MONACO
Monaco. Hmmm. A girl has a sugar daddy that sponsors her education at Harvard. 4semesters into her education, the man drastically cuts his supply of cash. It shakes the girl initially, but those few semesters have rubbed off on her such that she can still hold her own in a community of degree holders.
Double-chance on Monaco because she's a dropout.

Also, bet on straight victories for Porto and PSV.

11games. That should do very nice with our agreed 200 Naira.

Its a wrap boys.
Yours in tipstery;
Captaincue.

THE PALM-WINE DRINKARD (Amos Tutuola)

SUMMARY
The Palm-Wine Drinkard (and his dead Palm-Wine Tapster in the Dead's Town) is a Yorùbá folkloric novel that tells the tale (from first-person perspective) of a man named "Father Of Gods Who Could Do Anything In This World" who has an undying love for Palm-wine, as he sets out to find his prolific, albeit dead tapster. His story is one of journey within journey; each with increasingly strange creatures. And circumstances. And demands...

THE PLOT
The book opens, as the title might've implied, with a man telling us he has been drinking since he was 10. He owned, by virtue of his father's affluence, a huge farmland with numerous palm trees where an expert tapster would tap a hundred and fifty kegs of palm wine everyday -- a quantity he finishes before 2pm.

Then his tapster fell from the neck of a tree and died. While mourning the loss of his great, loyal servant, he recollected that 'old people' say that dead souls live in an otherworldly place after death -- rather than go straight to heaven. So he set out to find his dead tapster.

In exchange for info about the whereabouts of his tapster, he undertook a series of assignments for an oldman (a god) that was willing to trade him the location of his dead tapster if he (FatherOfgodsWhoCouldDoAnythingInThisWorld) could abduct death. With cunny trickery and no small amount of juju, he surprises everyone by successfully capturing death in a net, upon which everyone in that town dispersed and he, disgruntled at not knowing the location of his tapster, dropped death. Since then, death has had no permanent place to dwell...

He went on another assignment to rescue a girl who followed "an unknown man's beauty"; another mythical creature with borrowed body parts. The lady was betrothed to him, she conceived a baby in her thumb..

On his travels, he saw drum beat itself, heard song singing, saw dance dancing and also heard laugh laughing..

MY VERDICT
"....this palm-wine tapster was tapping 150kegs of palm-wine every morning, but before 2pm, I would've drunk all of it"

That statement is in the opening paragraph of the book. You now what you're in for! A litany of fantastical tales filled with humorous exaggerations. Written in a tattered, yet understandable kinda English, one will find, at various intervals in the book, lots of pointless, unfunny literature. Yet, there are amusing bits within the confines of the book: "...there we saw a man who was walking towards his back or backwards, his both eyes were on his knees, his both arms were at his..."

The apologues are really entertaining as well.

Fantastical literature do not excite me, but this is one of those should-read books as a Nigerian. Late Amos Tutuola was a pioneer; in that his was one of the first African novels published in the English Language. The Palm-Wine Drinkard was first published in 1952!!
1952!!

MY RATING
Not bad

----CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)