Cue's 2014 Remarkable Moments

In no particular order, here are the ones I can remember:
1. Wenger's shove on Mourinho.
--> There is something beautifully strange when you see a 64 year old threatening to beat up a 50-something year old. Safe to say Jose got under Wenger's public patina of sophistication, and the result was something you don't see everyday.

2. The FIFA World Cup.
--> Against the backdrop of public protests by citizens on the economic implications of hosting that tournament, the World Cup was still a beautiful spectacle. Brazil were a joke, Musa was sublime AND there's something about seeing grown women supporting their country in bikinis. Very, very patriotic!

3. Boko Haram.
--> Somebody make this stop. Please.

4. C-fcvking Ronaldo.
--> I watched this guy's debut for United in 2004. Watched him develop into the player he is. A sporting hero of mine. Is it wrong that I plan to name my son CR7? It is..? I can't hear you.

5. G.E.J's laughable quotes.
--> My pick of the bunch has to be "...over 70% of what's called corruption, even by EFCC & other anti-corruption agencies is not corruption but COMMON stealing".
Trying to insult the intelligence of citizens is awful.

6. Ebola
--> Arrest, curtail & eventual defeat of the dreadful disease in Nigeria. Shout out to everyone involved; most especially those that lost their lives in the process. Here's to hoping there's no recurrence.

7. Patrick Sawyer.
--> Pariah!!

8. I.S.I.S
--> Stop giving Islam a bad name.

9. 9.3million dollars arms deal.
--> Some people are trying to embarrass Nigeria; with some success one must say. Fuck all those involved.

10. Atletico Madrid
--> For breaking the hegemony of Real & Barca in La Liga. Was quite refreshing seeing the underdogs come out tops.

11. 'Man Accidentally Kills Himself Taking Selfie With Gun'
--> Smh. Everything wrong with a generation summed up in that headline.

12. David Moyes.
--> A good man woefully out of his depth. Was mercifully put out of his misery by the sack.

13. Mass Failure at Nigerian Law Schools
--> Ehya.

14. Threat to Ponmo.
--> I actually wrote a piece about this: http://captaincue.blogspot.com.es/2014/09/ponmo.html?m=1. It better remain a threat.

15. Shmurda dance.
--> Funny dance step. I actually know how to do the dance. I know it means the square root of nonsense, but it still makes me feel good.

16. Double Wahala's backup vocals.
--> Maddening.

17. San Antonio Spurs. Die Manschaft.

18. Novak Djokovic.
--> The only athlete with no visible weakness.

19. Alomo bitters. McDowell's whisky. Trophy & Satzenbrau beers.
--> For providing alternate (cheap) alcohol for the poor masses.

20. My Ray Ben.
--> People actually thought I had a Ray Ban. People eh?

21. Akube shorts.
--> For coming in handy on weekends.

22. Alata & Under-G in Ogbomoso. Every hangout in Ilorin.

23. Instagram. FalzTheBadGuy'sInstagram videos. Twitter. BBM. Blogger (application).
--> For obvious reasons.

24. Drake's verse in 'Only'.
--> The world could do with that sort of honesty.

25. Mukaila 'the Modaran Morogo guy'.
--> Hilarity personified.

26. Ileya rams. Christmas chickens/turkeys...

27. TAN.
--> For their "it was not easy for..." advert. Would be funny if it wasn't stupid.

28. Secondhand books, Ebooks, Books gàngán, Kwara state library, Unilorin library & all literati.

29.Doyin Okupe's repeated criminal attempts to delude us.

30. Megbele & Ganga da Garaya.
--> Lord knows I don't understand what Omawumi & Morell said in those songs, but I fvcking love those songs.

31. Yemi Alade's laziness.
--> Why can't she go to Cynthia for tutorials on how to satisfy Johnny.

32. Are you Ghana dance o...
--> Lol.

33. DJ Khaled.
--> His funny use of words in Hold You Down.

34. Women.
--> I like women a lot you see, they fuel my fires.

35. Brock Lesnar
--> His fabulous F5s ended Undertaker's streak at Wrestlemania. And for his ruthless domination of John Cena at SummerSlam.
Roman Reigns was awesome too.

36. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Shoki.
--> Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah shoki
      Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah shoki....
       Lol

37. My Tecno phone.
--> We've been through a lot bro, I will miss you when I upgrade to a better Tecno phone in 2015.

So, I guess that's pretty much 'it'. I'm sure I left some things out...but its only a blog post. The biggest shout out is reserved for everyone who visited my blog in 2014. Here's to a better 2015.
Cheers.

----->>>>Captaincue.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

I was going to post a book review but I decided against it. Then I was going to write an article on a thorny issue that's been prickling my mind, again I shelved that one too. Its Christmas you see, and
I'm in full celebratory mood, so I'll just get a quick word in before I return to the celebrations in earnest. Boys (& girls), if (when) you get drunk, take a taxi home & go for your vehicle later.

You people have been awesome & I am duty bound to wish y'all a very merry Christmas. Its the least you deserve.
Enjoy.

--->>>Captaincue

Weekend Tips (19/12/2014)

Barcelona vs Cordoba:
Christmas has come early for Barcelona. After last week's disappointing draw that saw many a young man punch bar room tables in frustration, they scored an impressive 8goals in midweek. The odds on a Barcelona victory are very short and one might need to  be brave to get any sort of return on this one.
Over 3.5goals

Levante vs Real Soceidad:
"...but Moyes was a good man" cried Man United rivals' fans when he was fired at the back end of last season. Well, my H.O.D is a good man & he sure as hell ain't managing United.
Moyes has found his level -- which is snatching draws away & limping to the occasional victory at home.
2X

Eibar vs Valencia:
This Valencia team are full of effervescent attackers but somehow rely heavily on set plays for their goals. If you're including them in an accumulator; 2X.
If you're one of us (those that hope to win 2billion with 200naira), then bet on a Valencia victory.

Rayo vs Espanyol:
Wouldn't touch this with a 10-foot pole.

PSG vs Montpellier:
They'll bounce back after last week's rotten defeat.
PSG victory

PSV vs Go Ahead Eagles:
One doesn't need to be eagle-eyed to see a PSV win. Go ahead and place that bet.

Derby vs Norwich:
Chelsea clipped highflying Derby's wings in midweek and they'll be eager to get back in the saddle. I see nought but a Norwich victory though.

Blackpool vs Bournemouth:
Who the fuck are Bournemouth? Well, they're top of the Championship. They rested key players in the midweek loss to Liverpool and I see them winning this at a canter.
Bournemouth win

Villarreal vs Deportivo:
Buoyed by a win over Atletico last week, Villarreal will have no problem dispatching a woeful Deportivo.
Comfortable Villarreal victory

Fiorentina vs Empoli: Fiorentina win.

Inter vs Lazio:
Two largely inconsistent teams, but Bobby Mancini's side will edge this one.
Inter win

Excelsior vs Ajax:
Have you seen the movie 'Silver Lining' starring Brad Cooper? I have. You should too. The critics are split over the movie, but I freaking love it. 'Excelsior' was Brad's mantra after leaving a psychiatric facility.
Anyway, Ajax victory

Aston Villa vs Man United:
I saw a girl in school today. After the perfunctory hug, I quickly accused her of not keeping in touch -- & that I'd lost her number. But I was lying. And I know she knew I was lying...but the fact remains that she lost her mojo and her beauty. She's grown pretty again though, and I exchanged numbers with her again.
United's beauty has returned and I'll start calling them again.
Man United victory

Real Madrid vs San Lorenzo:
LOL.

Tottenham vs Burnley:
A 4-0 win over Newcastle in midweek is pretty impressive anyway you slice it. One must say Spurs are in a bit of a purple patch and they'll comfortably defeat Burnley.
Tottenham win

Newcastle vs Sunderland:
A feisty derby that's been edged by Sunderland in the last few meetings. Newcastle will break that jinx though.
Newcastle victory

Liverpool vs Arsenal,
Leverkusen vs Eintracht Frankfurt,
Metz vs Monaco,
Schalke vs Hamburg,
Wolfsburg vs Koln,
Roma vs Milan:
Play over 1.5goals on all these games and watch the rest of the game planning how you're gonna spend your winnings.

Finally, for the audacious tip of the weekend, I can't look past an away Everton victory at Southampton.

Have a good weekend,
Yours in tipstery,
Captaincue.

ENGLISH IS kuku NOT MY LANGUAGE

Metaphorically, your mind is a big file cabinet (mine as well). By my reckoning, the location of the mind is anybody's guess, but I've narrowed it down to the head and the heart. Despite my doubts about its location, there's no doubting its existence and one thing I'm sure of is that my mind has an endless capacity for useless information.

The ease with which I recollect lyrics or number plates of peoples' cars is astonishing. Trying to recollect what you read in an exam hall, or something equally important however is a Herculean task. By tweaking my mind though, I recall this tale I'm going to tell you.

Years ago, I met a girl. A female; someone of the opposite sex (OK you get it). Her spoken English was topnotch -- at first hearing. Over time, we got closer and eventually became acquaintances. Then I realized that while her proficiency in the techniques of communicating with the English language was of no mean standing, the initial zing was exaggerated. It became apparent that I was probably better at speaking the bloody language, she was only faster and used phonetics -- while I, for circumstances beyond my control, espouse ebonics. As is de riguer of a bad, sharp guy, I decided to try my luck with the said pretty girl (not grammatically, I assure you).

I had two baths, took deep breaths & at length assumed several scenarios in my head where it would all go wrong -- all those while almost biting my fingers off. I eventually made the call & my fears came to pass when she didn't pick up. I was beating myself up & pulling my hair out for even having the gumption to try such when she called back.

"Hi cue" she sounded excited
"Hey Chioma" I said in a surprisingly shaky voice.

And then she said it. The best statement ever. (A little puffery isn't uncalled for. Lol)

"I missed your call."

THAT, my dear friends, deflated my already depleted ego. A short while later, I ended the call with a "...I was just checking on you." (I just wasn't!!)

I MISSED YOUR CALL.
Apposite. I know it isn't much, but being a late bloomer on all facets of development; (especially when it comes to using actual words to express myself, through my mouth!) -- I couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of that statement.

Until that moment, I would say "I saw your missed call".

It really gets my goats when peeps use the 'English-is-kuku-not-my-language' line. Just stop it! It really does my head in. An improvement in your vocabulary (not necessarily grammar) inadvertently incites an upgrade in your intellect and communication skills. Its no coincidence that historical leaders & figures were eloquent orators; Gandhi, Mandela, MLK, Sir Alex, Captaincue. Even the motherfuckers; Nero, Stalin, Idi Amin, Adolf...

Look at what our boy Achebe did with his wonderful powers of expression....

Point being , choice of words start fights. Inappropriate use of a combination of words starts conflicts. Ineffective communication start wars. Don't even get me started on what effective communication brings to the world.

Now, communicational ineptitude cost me a relationship with that girl. Unfortunately, some people have paid bigger fines for this same trait -- it has even cost some their lives.
Not 'knowing' English isn't patriotic. Just strive for self-improvement OK? I hope you find your reason.

N.B: by no means am I advocating that English should take precedence over your local language but English is Nigeria's lingua franca as it is. (hate it or not).

As you were guys.

(Cue wasn't a very confident young man)

---CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

Weekend Tips (Friday 12/12/2014)

Burnley vs Southampton:
Burnley are getting points of late & Southampton have lost their last 3games (to City, Arsenal & United) which would've put a little dent on their confidence.
A score draw.

Chelsea vs Hull:
I had a feeling in my gut Chelsea weren't going to win that game at Newcastle; hence my decision to include them out of my tips last week. Matic is back from suspension though, and normal services should resume.
Chelsea victory.

Leicester City vs Manchester City:
Tale of two (-chester) cities by Charles Dickens. I jest. Dzeko to score a brace.
City win, no questions asked.

Getafe vs Barcelona:
My wish is to get laid next week. But I know I won't get laid next week unless I lower my standards and do the girl that sells fruit at the junction. I don't like Barcelona and wish they would lose to Getafe. Wishes aren't horses. So that's two wishes denied in a week. Fucking genie!
Barca win.

Schalke vs Koln:
Schalke are one of the form teams in Europe right now. Maybe that Di Matteo bloke was decent after all.
Schalke victory.

Guingamp vs PSG:
They'll run PSG close, but their superior quality will ensure a comfortable PSG win in the end.
PSG win.

Porto vs Benfica:
Benfica have been rotten. They'll up their game for this one, but it'll amount to little.
Porto win.

Standard Liege vs Club Brugge:
Brugge scored 3unreplied goals the last time they met. The sale of Mitchy to Marseille has taken the wind out of their sails, and Club Brugge are first in the division for a reason.
Club Brugge win.

Wolfsburg vs Paderborn:
With DeBruyne and Perisic owning the midfield with flair and élan, Gustavo cleaning up behind them, Dost and Olic burying those chances; Wolfsburg are deceptively good.
Wolfsburg victory.

Monaco vs Marseille:
Two teams in red hot form. I'll take a raincheck on this one and just enjoy the game.

Man Utd vs Liverpool:
On Tuesday, I was chilling with two of my best friends when the short one left to have coitus with one of his women. The tall one too excused himself to meet one of his women also. Me? I just stretched out on the three-sitter, cursing providence for the dry-patch that I'm in, eating water melon, and crying into my pillow.
Liverpool are just like me at the moment -- in that they have nothing going their way. They are a shambles at the back. In attack...everywhere! Pay attention and read my lips:
Man-United-to-beat-the-shit-out-of-Liverpool.

P.S: Every game I leave out is a tricky one for me to call, & my life is hard enough as it is...I don't want anyone to curse me. Thank you.

Good luck.

--->>>Cue (they didn't even spare me the details!!!!)

Weekend Tips (Friday 05/12/2014)

Barcelona vs Espanyol:
I know its a local derby & all that, but Barca will win this one.

Granada vs Valencia:
Valencia were unlucky to lose to Barca last week. They'll take it out on Granada.
Valencia win.

Rayo vs Sevilla:
Sevilla win or draw. Simple as.

Real Madrid vs Celta:
Lol.

PSG vs Nantes:
Comfortable PSG victory, Ibrahimovic to do a Zlatan i.e; he'll score a bicycle kick and refer to himself in third-person in the post match interview. The bastard.

Bordeaux vs Lorient:
With a rather large odd of a Lorient victory, one would be forgiven for thinking a Bordeaux win a given. Its not.
Lorient to win or draw.

QPR vs Burnley:
2 pisspoor teams, but QPR have some quality players and something informs me QPR will win/draw this one.

Hull vs West Brom:
Avoid these kinds of games bro. Run!!!!

Roma vs Sassuolo:
Haba! Roma to win nah..

Evian vs Lyon:
Evian play some good football. Lyon aren't consistent. I can see a one all draw.
Over 1.5

Marseille vs Metz:
Bielsa walks around with a perpetual scowl. I think he'll stab the players' kids should they not win. And the players are aware of this too.
Marseille win.

Genoa vs Milan,
City vs Everton,
Fiorentina vs Juventus:

Over2.5 for those 3games. Thank me later.

Bayern Munich vs Leverkusen:
Over3.5 goals. I'm sure of it.

Now something audacious to wrap this edition up: I see a Schalke victory at Stuttgart. And the odd is really big too.

Good luck guys...

--->>>Cue (placing 100naira bets since 1759)

The Prince

SUMMARY:
Niccolò di Bernardo Machiavelli, born May '69 -- that's 1469 if you were wondering; was an Italian politician, schemer, writer and philosopher. Precious little was recorded about him until he was 29 in 1498 whence he became the Secretary of war AND  second Chancellor to the Florentine Republic.
Years later, Spanish troops invaded Florentine territory, Machiavelli was dismissed from the Chancery, arrested, tortured, tried for conspiracy and jailed for a year.
Upon release, he retired to his farm with his family and went into studying and writing.

THE PLOT:
The book opens with a diagram of the map of Italy in 1500 -- so the reader can understand the general makeup of the province at the time.

Then there's a 20-page introductory note by Anthony Grafton which is basically background information on the author, his predecessors, and the circumstances in his time.

Assured they've inundated the reader with ample knowledge of the historical makeup of the (Renaissance) period, the book finally begins with a letter by Machiavelli himself to "The Magnificent Lorenzo de Medici"; Leader of Florence.

The Prince begins with a letter from Niccolo Machiavelli to Lorenzo de Medici; one of the Princes of the Medici dynasty -- humbly offering counsel to 'the Prince'. So the book is, on a very basic level, a political analysis byway of advice from an experienced diplomat to a royal Prince.

It covers issues from types of Principalities, to means of coming by them, staying in power, dealing with malcontents, military organization, when and how to be generous/parsimonious, to be cruel/compassionate, disposition of Princes and most importantly, he discusses Fortune (luck) & how much it influences our lives.

MY VERDICT:
I like to think I'm a good person. Admittedly, I might laugh when a girl who refused my advances twists her ankle in 6inch Louboutins. I might engage in a little morose delectation when evil befalls someone I dislike. But when I see a pregnant woman standing in a bus, I'll think 'why the hell couldn't she fcvk someone with a car'...then I offer her my seat.

From the opening pages of the book, Machiavelli leaves the reader under no illusions as to what the content of the book is. In no uncertain terms, The Prince says that Islamic/Christian values/virtues aren't the most effective in becoming an efficient ruler.

Filled with epithets such as:
"...any injury a Prince does a man should be of such a kind that there is no fear of revenge..."

"Men must be either won over or destroyed...".   among others.

The Prince is a wonderful compendium of passages on topics such as greed, acquisition & retention of power, absolutism, constitutionality, changes, People, manipulation, love/fear and dependence on luck.

As a purist, the Prince will come across as a pitiless, unremorseful, irreligious, faithless, treacherous book advocating unscrupulousness and cunny by an immoral author.

As a pragmatist (that I am), the Prince is one of those books that'll put into question all you held to be right/proper/good/virtuous. Its a really powerful book.

After careful evaluation, I've thought it best to espouse some of Machiavelli's teachings. Does that mean I'm not a 'good person' anymore? Is being 'good' a terrible thing for ambition? You'll ask yourself such questions should you read the book....which you should.

MY RATING:
A must-read? Well...that depends.
A should-read? Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---->>>>Cue (I think we all have a little Machiavelli in there, somewhere...)