10 UNWRITTEN LAWS OF THE NIGERIAN CONSTITUTION

Yes, they’re not written, but we still live by these laws in my country and that IS the essence of this list. Its part constitution and part tradition. A constradition if you will, and I'm not even sorry.
 

10) EAT INDOMIE WITH EGG: There are times when I think that should my alma mater demand their certificate, it would probably be the right call. On one of such occasions, I went to a shop in Ilorin and told the lady: “mo fe ra tin-tomato.” She asked: “shey alagolo, abi oni-satchet?”

I remember I replied with oni-satchet. (I know & I’m sorry). That also happens when I want to buy antiseptic liquids and I just claim to want to buy ‘Dettol’; to which the shop-owner asks which brand.

All I’m saying is, to some Nigerians like myself, we take the name of an overwhelmingly popular brand and use it to represent a demographic of products. Indomie is the archetype. So, when I use indomie here, I mean noodles. You are not expected to go to a meat shop just because you want to prepare indomie, so we opt for Nigeria’s (un)official fast-food. Thus, indomie+egg. This might be due to the fact that the time an egg takes to fry/boil is close to that which you’ll use in cooking your indomie. Or it could just be somewhere in the Nigerian constitution. Those things are never clear anyway.

9) #WeThankGod: I recently typed to a dear friend; “a good morning?” and I got a nondescript “good morning”. I launched into a Gandalf-style lecture about good mornings. When some of us say words, we actually, intentionally used those words. When I ask ‘how are you’, it’s a question, not a greeting. I ask, fully expecting an honest appraisal of how you are. Cold? Enervated? Happy? Horny? To some of us, ‘fine’ is only the second worst way you can answer the how inquest.

The worst response of the average Nigerian to any ‘how’ question, is, of course, #WeThankGod. How was your test?

How was the interview?

How is the gonorrhea treatment going?

Shey you are making sales?

Shey profit is biting market?

All these questions, and more, will likely prompt a #WeThankGod response from an average Nigerian. Is there a distinct lack of effort in our attitudes towards answering questions? Has the country so frustrated us that we now see the art of making conversations as a waste of time. Is it to hide how much sales/money you’re making? See ehn. We all thank God, but when I ask you something, tell me something. Don’t thank God. Are you mad?

8) WHEN DID YOU START WATCHING BALL?: There was this ridiculous tweet about DSTV’s exact endgame when advertising DSTV on DSTV to those who already own DSTV; oblivious of the fact that some DSTV un-owners go to viewing centres to watch football matches, select Olympic events, UCL draws and amusingly, recently, boxing & wrestling brawls. Football is the essence of viewing centres in Nigeria, and just like any place where people converge, you are bound to meet stupid, illogical people. 

 Old, stupid, illogical people who are so self-absorbed they don’t see the flaw of their own arguments. We’ll be talking ball o, debating a controversial refereeing decision and just because you’re two decades older, you’ll ignore the point I raised and say “when did you start watching ball”  

So I plan to say; “If I was older in 1998, you think I won’t have watched the World Cup in France? Assuming I make it to 70, I would have been watching this game for upwards of 5decades. But someone like you, with this your bald head, horrible mindset and level of reasoning at this age will not live long enough to watch football into your fifties. You’ll soon die.”

But I stop short of saying that. Because home-training. And one shouldn’t take such matters and people seriously. I just plug in my earpieces and watch the screen instead.

7) HANDING PEOPLE OVER TO GOD: There’s hardly any joy in the land and you see people franking their faces everywhere. In a land where only a few have too many, intimidation ensues. And poverty humbles you. I mean, humility might not be part of your innate personality, but you sha can’t be pressing pompous, obnoxious horns like SUV owners when riding a bicycle. Whereas that lot will honk and get a cheery wave from the gateman, you will wheel your bicycle to the pedestrian gate and knuck with your knockles. You will know that even poor people hate poor people when, by instinct, the GM will come with a derisive sneer. You will be forced to say ‘good morning’ even if you don’t exactly have behaviour. Q.E.D, poverty humbles you. But that’s besides the point.

In most scenarios in this our Nigeria (and most anywhere to be honest), with money, clout and the right kind of connect, the ‘system’ is always ripe for manipulation. So, when the average Nigerian has a run-in with some other person (s)he will visualize the legal fees of going to court, the dickishness of the culprit (who doesn’t even have to be rich), the life expectancy of our country and the clamour of amebo passersby and career pacifiers who usually take the “haba, shebi they have begged you stance”, you WILL be tempted to free the matter and let God handle the provocateur. Because you just don’t want wahala. Fela has a song for you: ‘Sorrow, Tears & Blood.’ 

He understands you people more than I ever will.

6) MAN SHOULD BE THE TOASTER: Okay. I had to sneak this in because I’m a boy at an age where I’m ripe for a fling with 21 year-old beauty, game for a symbiotic partnership with a sugar-aunty or a serious, actual relationship with an equally ambitious and half-decent lady. By God, I want to say that I opt for the latter as updating ‘body count’ is no longer the priority after a while. But it wasn’t always this easy. Look, I went to science class in SS1 because of a girl I never told about my feelings. Man has struggled. The first time I tried to open my mouth to woo a woman, I was 14 and that was when I learnt that ‘he doesn’t have the stomach for it’ has literal connotations. My palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy...

These days, thankfully, it requires much less effort and its probably rooted in tradition and faux-morality that a man ought to be the one to initiate shot shooting. Even Khadijah shot shot. If you see someone you like, regardless of what’s between your legs, you should let the fellow know. There’s just no time. Fire shots, girl!

5) REMOVE BATTERY WHEN ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YOUR PHONE: Agreed, a lot of poor movies are out there, but I have little to no love for people who don’t watch movies. There’s sooooo much knowledge condensed into those things. In The Dark Knight, Heath Ledger (Joker) said to Harvey Dent:

“Do I really like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it...”

Exactly! You know when your phone malfunctions and you instinctively open it and remove the battery? What is your plan exactly? You see your life?

4) RICH PEOPLE CANNOT CRITICIZE POOR ONES: I wrote something different for this one, but as God and poor planning would have it, the Lagos rains and consequent flooding of the monied Island area happened. On the online, where it all happens, you can see & perceive both implicit and explicit messages of delight from poorer people. Remember that Chris Rock joke about how poor people feel they can wish rich folks evil, but how society frowns on rich folks doing the same?

“You rich bastard! I hope your yacht hits an iceberg in the summer. I hope your Picasso falls off the wall and kills your mother. You fucking rich bastard”

Now just imagine a rich bastard driving through and on seeing a boli woman thinking; “you poor wretch. I hope the coal spills and burns your feet and your kids contact cholera and...”. Imagine the ‘rich bastard’ saying these sickening thoughts out loud (like some poor people tend to do). Its not cool and we need to realize that even when a rich bastard loses his wealth, that won’t automatically make us take his place.

3) FEEL THAT RICH KIDS ARE DUMB: In #FriendsWithBenefit, Mila Kunis asked:

“You know, why don’t they make a movie about what happens after the big kiss?”

Timberlake replied; “They do. Its called porn”

Boom! As clear as it might seem in retrospect, unless some things are expressly told to you, you won’t figure them out. Now, as a card-carrying member of the poor society, I have come to realize that whilst poverty certainly fires up your desires to breakaway, it conversely has the power to destroy dreams. Some of us seem to have romanticized being poor. I would just like to state for the record that there’s no nobility in poverty. Yes, things might come easier to rich kids, but to just think that you’re wiser by virtue of your humble background ALONE, is a fallacy. I think.

Come sef, if you work hard, and providence allows your hustle to manifest AND you blow, will your kids be dumb? If you’re saying no, why do you currently think the average rich kid is dumber than you? Don’t get me angry o. Just listen to the rhetoric.

2) DON’T GIVE PEOPLE MONEY, BUY THEM BEER INSTEAD: Phew. I hate being poor. I abhor being unable to afford things. You know, on the intro of ‘It ain’t personal’, Jay-Z rightly quipped:

“..you never know who your true friends are until you both got a little bit of money. I mean, when y’all both broke, then there’s no strain on the relationship; Y’ALL BOTH BROKE! And if you got money and he ain’t got no paper, he still needs you, so you’ll never know how he really feel about you. When y’all both got some money, you’ll see!!”

I have friends who are better off financially and I know money & women have scattered more guy friendships than every other factor combined. So if I’m in dire need of money, I’ll ask for a loan and pay back asap. Its not my money, I don’t care how you spend it. But, pursuant to number 4 above, I see why some poor people call y’all rich bastards. I mean, you know I’m financially handicapped, yet you don’t offer me money – but can buy me beer and liquor every single, fucking day.

On occasion, if pushed to the limit, I’ll ask for the beer gift to be monetized, but I won’t make it a running theme. Don’t get me wrong o, I’ll still come out and drink your beer, I’m just surprised you can’t give the money instead. That said, some poor people make it decidedly difficult to give them money, so these richer people kuku avoid it altogether. Guys, these people have responsibility too! You give a poor person N10k and he’ll probably think; “..but she makes N400k a month. Is that all I’m worth?”

Look, just keep buying me beer & plates of assorted if that’s your purpose in my life. When I blow too, we might have to revisit the dynamics of our friendship. You rich bastard!

1) BUY BREAD AFTER A JOURNEY: The number one spot is none other than the time-tested and most noble of our constraditions. Any journey longer than Enugu to Nsukka (55mins or so), you must buy bread for those you’ll meet at your destination. Unless you’re coming from the abroad; in which case, you should still buy bread at the junction. We don’t care about the dollars you have been sending, you can’t just come back and start breaking rules.

 I’m surprised you had to make me write this one.

--CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

Firing Cylinders

I used to be prolific. Regularly rolling out content like no man's business. And then I wasn't anymore. Laziness? That could be it, although I'd rather hope not. 'Lack of focus' is a damning indictment of a person's person and it could also be true, but once again, I'd rather hope not. So let's put breast in each other's mouths and say my lack of production was because I was very particular about correctitude and publishing stuff that makes complete sense. Let's say that has seen my output dwindle alarmingly.

About 10months ago, I traveled for an interview and lost my phone in a danfo; along with my contacts, videos & photos. Painful as hell. I just wish I had backed them the fuck up. That applies to my writings as well. Oftentimes, I start writing when I get an idea, but because the thoughts are somewhat controversial, or the ideas had refused to completely crystallize, I don't finish it. Now I realize that a senseless prose is still prose, its just senseless. And one needs to back up original ideas by publishing them.

I think, sometimes, you don't have to find an essence, you ought to just write and hope someone makes a meaning of it. Not unlike abstract paintings; there's meaning hidden underneath all that nonsense. Now, doing that will occasionally blur the already faded lines of political correctness and might paint a vivid picture of you that you want outchea. BUT, after a hundred published musings on the internet, my creative compass needs to change direction.

Bill Clinton amusingly said of his deposition during the Lewinsky scandal:

"It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' means. If 'is' means is, and never has been, that's one thing. If it means, there is none, that was a completely true statement"

So, inspired by Mr. Clinton and to whom it may concern; from this point onwards, and for future plausible deniability due to the drastically altered direction I'm steering this thing, when I use I, I might not mean me. That is, when I write about scenarios that involve what some could term 'immoral', we can safely assume its a work of fiction.

Hope this gets more wind in my sails. We'll see.

CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (28 & 29 January 2017)

ESTORIL X FC PORTO: We should start with a banker. Porto finally have some semblance of consistency to their results. Besides, they are playing a side whose form reads LLLLLL. That's suicidal.
Comprehensive away win.

LYON X LILLE: Remember when Lyon won 5 Ligue Un titles in a row? Jesus Christ, I feel old. Those days are long gone now and after a brief dalliance with irrelevance, Lyon are playing well again. Lille, on the other hand, have a mini injury crisis and have lost some key players to the nations cup. A really bad time for them to face Lyon.
Lyon victory.

INTER MILAN X PESCARA: They won promotion with the goals of Lapadula, who they sold to Milan. They're now 12 points away from safety. Here, they face a resurgent Inter Milan side who are in really good nick. (WWWWW). A home win is a banker for me.

GO AHEAD EAGLES X FC UTRECHT: I swear to God, I'm not betting against GAE because of that dumb name. That said, they are winless in seven games and face a side who only narrowly lost to Ajax last week. Haller is one of the best strikers in the Eredivisie as well. The odd is all kinds of big, but you should jump on an away win here.

LEGANES X CELTA VIGO: Celta have one of the best home records in Europe; this includes a win over Barcelona and knocking Madrid out of the Copa Del Rey in midweek. All these pales into insignificance when one considers their away form -- which is decidedly patchy. Leganes, on the other hand, are the ultimate draw merchants. They've drawn 5 of their last 7 games. There's a fat 3.40 odd on a Celta win here. But I'll err on the side of caution.
X2

RB LEIPZIG X HOFFENHEIM: Hoffenheim are the ultimate hipster's club. They have a 29 year old coach who sports tight jeans and sneakers as if I'm going out to hand a sanctimonious relative my CV. They are undefeated in 17 league games this season. Leipzig, with their money and youthful players are only 3points behind Bayern. This should be a goal fest with someone winning 2-1.
Over 2.5 goals.

ALAVES X ATLETICO MADRID: Going back to Spain, Alaves are in the semis of the Copa del Rey; an impressive feat for a newly promoted side. They're certainly no pushovers but I will bet on an away win here. It will be a tight victory however, but a victory nonetheless.

SOUTHAMPTON X ARSENAL: Arsenal have failed to win in their last 5 visits to the St Mary's. Southampton themselves just knocked Liverpool out of the Carling cup in midweek. I think they Puel will rotate heavily here and so will Wenger. Still, with Welbeck, Perez et. all, Arsenal won't lose this one.
X2.

TOTTENHAM X WYCOMBE: Even with Sissoko & Janssen, Tottenham will still win here. I'm surprised you need my opinion on this one.

REAL BETIS X BARCELONA: With the sheer number of goals Barcelona are scoring, you have to feel sorry for Betis. I know an away win is prized at a meager 1.21 as of writing, but they all count in an accumulator.
Away win.

REAL MADRID X REAL SOCEIDAD: Soceidad predictably crashed out of the cup at the hands of Barcelona but they gave it a good go -- scoring 2 and conceding 5. They go to the Bernabeu at a time when an injury-hit Madrid are off-colour and defending like drunkards. Goals galore.
Over 2.5 of those.

ATHLETIC BILBAO X SPORTIN GIJON:
After 3 consecutive disappointing draws, Bilbao welcome Aduritz & Benat from suspension and will surely have too much quality for lowly Gijon. Surely?
Home win.

ESPANYOL X SEVILLA: Free scoring Sevilla visit highflying Espanyol and the result is a dicey one to predict as Sevilla conceded 3 goals last week end. Still...
X2

PSG X MONACO:
Monaco are destroying all teams they come across but this is PSG. PSG fa! I don't bet on reputations though and this will be a bloody open and entertaining game.
Away win and over 2.5 goals.

As always, edit, espouse and delete as seen fit. Good luck.

Captaincue.

TOP 10 SELF-PRESCRIBED DRUGS IN NIGERIA

This might be a one-off list or it might be the start of a series. I'm not serious with my life and that's a serious thing. Let's just play it by ear abeg. Oya:

Most everyone in Nigeria are aware that you can’t possibly go to the hospital for every discomfort you have. Apart from our aversion to consultation fees, some ailments are recurrent and after a while, you preempt what the doctor would order – so you go to the neighbourhood chemist and buy it yourself. This act, some joyless puritanists would have you believe, is tantamount to the nominal form of drug abuse. As we say over here; is it your abuse? So, below is a list of the most purchased legal drugs on our streets and pharmacies (bottom to top):

10) FLAGYL: The traveler’s delight. I have been to 13 Nigerian states by road, and a common occurrence on all those journeys is people stopping the bus to take a dump or puke because of an acute stomach upset; the bane of which range from:
>Jigging of the car on our hole-infested roads
>The smell of petrol
>Claustrophobia
>Sighting of an accident
TO
Pure, honest-to-God indiscipline of someone who drinks Viju at the garage, buys fried snails before leaving the park, buys LaCasera at the filling station before buying bananas, groundnut and palm-wine at a police checkpoint.

Flagyl is an antibacterial drug often used against purging and bowel issues because it stems the tide and calms the stomach. Nigerians also buy Flagyl when they overeat at an Owambe and when they have runny stomachs. When the glutton starts feeling stomach upsets, the Lagosian (there’s always a Lagosian in every car) will recommend Flagyl. Those Lagosians even have it in their bags!

9) VITAMIN C: I’ll start this one with an unpopular opinion; nobody intentionally buys Vitamin C! Though deficiency of Vitamin C in your system will lead to a pretty serious disease called scurvy, it is still only a favoured sidekick to other ‘serious’ drugs; procured as an afterthought when the chemist doesn’t have change. You buy N485 worth of drugs and the chemist says “we don’t have N15 o”. A typical Nigerian will take N15 worth of Vitamin C with the change. Q.E.D, unavailability of change is the primary reason Nigerians buy Vitamin C.
That said, we buy Vitamin C when we have mouth ulcer and when we need to heal a wound. Medically, Vitamin C is essential in the treatment of cold, regulation of sugar level, lowering cholesterol levels in the system and curing skin problems. Since Vitamin C is all kinds of good for the body, never leave your change with the chemist.

8) EYE DROP: No, I won’t provide the name of a particular brand. Yes, I did my research at local pharmacies around me and “I want to buy eye drop” is what those chemists say we say. The nature and purposes of eye drops differ, but the most popular kinds are used in treating conjunctivitis, glaucoma, swelling in the eye, itching of the eye – thankfully for marijuana smokers in Nigeria, redness of the eye.
Some people have sensitive eyes that are highly irritable, so they buy a known eye drop and do the needful. Eye drops are also favoured by people that offload cement and those that smoke fish; literally and literally.

7) MULTIVITAMINS: It has been long established that vitamins are important for our everyday metabolism, and pursuant to the above Vitamin C, this one packs all the punches of multiple vitamins; hence its name Sherlock! When I was in Nsukka, I was pleasantly surprised to hear ‘gbogbonishe’ from the megaphones on an old car. Gbogbonishe, a Yoruba term, can be loosely translated to ‘multitasker’ in English. The megaphone said the product provided solutions to low sperm count, hepatitis, hypertension, typhoid, malaria, snake bites and about 7 other health issues. A bottle costs N100. You see, nothing in Nigeria sells like gbogbonishe.
Due to the nature of the product, multivitamins are meant to provide all the essential effects of vitamins, but Nigerians buy it the most when they feel a loss of appetite. That is the case with yours truly also, although I feel my loss of appetite is due to the increased intensity of my thinking – as I thought I would be a millionaire by 23. I still buy my multivitamins anyway & according to my findings, so do millions of Nigerians.

6) INHALER: Nose inhalers provide relief from nasal congestion and catarrh. It works by stimulating nerve endings which relieve pain and itching of the mucous membranes of the nose and sometimes, throat. Just like the ointment version of itself, inhalers relieve muscular pains, cramping and pains felt in joints. Unlike its ointment version, I have always suspected people that favour inhalers will graduate to sniffing cocaine when they can afford it. Your head feels light and there is a certain kind of high that comes from inordinate inhalation of menthol-laden nose inhalers. Maybe I really do need to stop seeing the worst in people.

5) CALAMINE LOTION: A contentious one. A favourite in Nigerian homes because it is thought to help in the treatment of Chicken pox. A copious amount is usually applied on the skin of the afflicted and the poor fellow ends up looking like a Whitewalker.
Is it a placebo? That’s up for debate. Does it reduce the feeling of helplessness? Undoubtedly.

Medically, it is thought to provide succor to victims of sun burn, insect bites, general itchiness and other mild skin conditions. On an unrelated note, a Nigerian artiste; Sym19 titled his hit song Calamine Lotion where he rhymed lotion with commotion and motion. That song gets me on the dance floor every single time.

4) ALABUKUN: It is a disputable truism in Nigerian bars that the average man would rather buy you beer than give you money. As such, while the threshold for being inebriated is, on average, around 3 bottles, people have devised ways of significantly raising that threshold. So, bar-room wisdom has established a number of things that reduce the effect of alcohol on the system. These include, but are not limited to bitter-kola, groundnut, cola and Alabukun. The greed of awoof beer-drinkers accounts for an agreeable amount of Alabukun shifted in our stores.
Simultaneously, Alabukun is a time-tested powdered medicine that is particularly favoured by blue collar workers after putting in a shift at work. It is thought to be effective in the treatment of migraine, back pains and body ache. Whenever you invite ‘these’ people over for drinks, start with the spirit. It works against those that want to put you in ruinous debt over beer.
You're welcome.

3) AMPICLOX: Ampiclox is a drug derived from penicillin; a popular drug used to fight bacterial infections. These infections range from boil to pneumonia to meningitis to staphylococcus and syphilis. Usually, the physical secretions on the skin in the form of boils and pimples usually indicate the presence of bacteria in the system. To forestall the manifestation of these bacteria, sexually prolific people who opt to NOT use prophylactics take ampiclox after sex. This act, I’m sure, increases the sheer amount of ampiclox sold in Nigeria.
Please always, always use condoms.

2) POSTINOR:
“I drifted around, met lots of girls. I knew men who had sex with a different girl every night. I never understood it. I understood it less after I did it for a while. It wasn’t satisfying; like Chinese food – an hour later, you’re hungry again…”

That is a quote from Kirk Douglas’ autobiography; The Ragman’s Son. The quote captures the essence of promiscuity, I like to think. It has to be pointed out that Postinor is a pregnancy-prevention drug, and NOT an abortion drug. The active ingredient in Postinor-2 is LEVONGESTEROL (which really sounds like something that can kill a baby); and it works by preventing the fertilization of the egg by sperm. Sex sells.
Not long ago, I went with a friend to her church where her pastor, on spotting me, asked her, “is he sleeping with you?” as if I was some sort of Adonis. She said I wasn’t. I was pretty shocked when he pressed further; “well, is he planning to?” She said “No”, an answer which hurt me. I had been friendzoned!! The aim of the story is to illustrate that the fascination with, and engagement in sex is as high as ever and one of the repercussions is the manifestation of unwanted pregnancies. So, Nigerians try to avoid these unwanted babies by buying and using Postinor in copious amounts. It has its semi-serious side effects and this begs the question; why can’t we just bloody abstain?! That is, unabashedly, a stupid rhetorical question.

1) PARACETAMOL: Unequivocally, and inescapably the most popular over-the-counter drug in Nigeria. Paracetamol acts as a fever-ameliorator and pain reliever. Its exact working process is unknown, but there is no denying the fact that it works. Paracetamol is usually bought with other drugs for efficiency. The array of ailments it is used for include: arthritis, back pain, chest pain, any pain, toothaches, headaches, muscle aches, malaria etc.

In Nigeria however, it is our first resort when we feel any form of discomfort. Did you get shocked by a rogue wire from that oldschool Philips iron while pressing your shirt? Buy paracetamol.

Did you get elbowed in the head on the field? Buy paracetamol.

Do you have menstrual cramps? Buy paracetamol.

Heartache from losing your phone in a bus? Buy paracetamol.

Feeling hung-over? Buy paracetamol.

Write a blog post two months after service while you're still jobless and don't know where exactly your life is going? Buy paracetamol.

Paracetamol is the trusted and cheapest form of gbogbonishe in Nigeria. And it takes the number one spot on this list.

---CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

VIABLE AGRIC BUSSINESS IDEAS IN NIGERIA

TEN AGRICULTURE BUSINESS IDEAS FOR ASPIRING ENTREPRENEURS IN 2017

With the downturn of the country’s much relied on oil and gas sector, many people view agriculture as the way out. The Agriculture sector is now taking a prominent position in Nigeria’s economy; making up to 20.49% of the total GDP in the first quarter of 2016 (National Bureau of Statistics ). 

Since food is one of the basics of man, agricultural products will always be in high demand locally and internationally. As an entrepreneur or young person looking for something to venture into, you can key into one of these agricultural demands. You can potentially create enormous wealth for yourself by setting up an agro-business. The opportunities are endless in the agricultural sector. This article aims to highlight several agriculture business ideas for beginners.

1. POULTRY FARMING: BROILERS
This is for the production of meat. The exciting thing about this particular breed of birds is that it matures within a short period of time. The ideal time to start raising broilers is in February  against the Easter festivities and October for Christmas and new year sales. It is important to note that, broilers can be raised all year round provided you have a ready market for your output. 

For first-timers, it is advisable you go for birds that have been raised for four weeks from a reliable farm or outlet. This is because birds that have been kept for four weeks have a greater chance of survival than the day old chicks. Once you become very familiar with the trade, you may also venture into raising and selling broilers at four weeks.

Most of your spending is expected to go on feeds and it is expected that the birds will be raised for a duration of twelve weeks. Vaccination and prompt treatment are advised to be carried out as at when due. A chicken can be sold between N2000 to N3000 at maturity.

2. POULTRY FARMING: LAYERS
Here you are breeding your layer birds with the major aim of producing eggs. This aspect of poultry might require a little more capital and time when compared to broilers, but it will be worthwhile in the end. Layers will overall give you two sources of revenue, which are sales from the egg and selling the bird off once they become spent(when their egg production has tremendously reduced).

It is important to state that while poultry can fetch you 100% returns on, you can equally lose all your birds in a day(yes it can be that bad!) due to bad management practices. To avoid this ugly occurrence, it is important you employ the services of a vet doctor(or anyone vast in raising birds) to do routine checks on your birds.

3. EGG AND CHICKEN DISTRIBUTION
This practically involves trying to bridge the supply gap existing between poultry farmers and consumers. It is a profitable venture which requires a relatively little start-up cash. You can decide to venture into the sales of either chicken or eggs, and can also decide to combine the two. You will buy from poultry farmers and resell to wholesalers and retailers. No special skill is required, but a good marketing ability and a car might come in handy.

4. FRESH VEGETABLE
This is a small-scale business that can be started with very little capital. One of the benefits of the fresh vegetable business is that it does not require any cost of maintenance for its smooth running(except when you have gone into large scale production and require pumping machine for irrigation). Fresh leafy vegetables are always on demand so the market should not be a problem.

To kick-start this business, all you need is a cultivatable piece of land in your compound or around your area. Leafy vegetables including; Waterleaf, Scent Leaf, and Ugu leaf can be planted. Vegetables are majorly propagated by seed and in the case of water leaf, by the stem. The dry season is the best time to get maximum returns from cultivating vegetables provided you can go through the stress of irrigation that most farmers try to avoid.

5. CATFISH FARMING
Catfish fish rich in polyunsaturated fatty acids which aid in controlling the cholesterol levels in humans. The various health benefit of catfish makes it to be in high demand among healthy eaters, particularly those above the age of forty. Fast food joints, restaurants,  hotels, food courts, pepper soup joints, market women, ministries, offices, public schools and various tertiary institutions of learning are potential markets for anyone who wishes to venture into catfish farming.

Before starting your fish farm, it is advisable that you visit a couple of fish farms around and see things at first hand.

6. CATFISH SMOKING
One of the easiest cottage agricultural businesses you can start is the catfish smoking business.
There are a lot of catfish farmers all around today, so sourcing for fresh catfish to smoke should not be much of a stress. You do not necessarily have to be into catfish farming to make a lot of money by smoking fish. 

Well-processed smoked fish is a great source of income source for those already involved in it. If you have the smoking kiln, you can also smoke on a commercial scale for people and earn cool cash. A kilogram of fish is processed and smoked between N100 – N150 depending on the part of the country.

7. SNAIL FARMING
This is a business often neglected by many. The giant African snail is the  breed of snail that is ideal for farming. The suitable species for snail farming in Nigeria are, Achatina Fulica, Achatina Achatina, and Archachatina Marginata. Achatina Achatina is the more prolific of them all, it can lay up to 200-400 eggs per batch 2-3 times every year.

You can source the snail for your farm by hand picking, open market, and from reliable snails farm. Snail farming can be quite slow initially, but you will reap  the benefit if you are patient.

8. PLANTAIN AND BANANA PLANTATION
There is a high demand for plantain and banana(ripe and unripe) within and outside the country. Any unused land at your disposal can be converted into a banana or plantain farm.

9. STARTING A BLOG ON AGRO NICHE
A great number people are now willing to embrace various agricultural businesses. They, however, need an accurate and reliable source of information to help them get started. To breach this information gap, you can start an Agricultural blog.

For example, you can create a poultry blog to educate poultry farmers and intending poultry farmers on the modern ways to run their poultry farming business. You can generate income from your blog through adverts. You can also become an online consultant. It is expected that you have an extensive knowledge in agriculture before venturing into this type of business.

10. CHARCOAL SUPPLY
Many industries make use of charcoals in large quantities. Charcoal can be bought in large quantities from nearby villages and supplied to smoked fish farms, bakeries and all other industries that use coal as their source of heat. A bag of charcoal can be purchased at N1,000 from these villages and resold for N1,500 or more in the city.

The investment opportunities in agriculture are not limited to just the above list. You will surely find out more with a little research of your own. Your capital is not the only requirement to succeed in the agricultural business. It is extremely important that you study and really understand the aspect you  are aiming to invest in. Ensure that you also seek for help and advice from experts in your field of endeavor from time to time.

Adeniran Adekunle is a member of His-Eminence farms.
For further help and advice, you can contact him via mail on adeniranadekunleo@gmail.com
Or His-eminence farms; hiseminencefarmsng@gmail.com
Or DM @dayqunlay1 on Twitter.

WEEKEND BETTING TIPS (22/23-10-2016)

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to win N2million with N100. For this, and all other things, we thank God. Here goes:

NEWCASTLE X IPSWICH:
A bit unusual to start my weekend betting tips with a Championship match. Still, we're gathered here to make money. Newcastle have 7wins in 9 matches; with four wins on the trot. With form like that, any opponent is fucked.
Home win.

CROTONE X NAPOLI:
The home side will be overwhelmed. Away win.

ROMA X PALERMO:
A thrilling 3-3 draw in midweek notwithstanding, Roma are in a rich vein of form. Home win's a banker.

PSV X SPARTA ROTTERDAM:
PSV have a solitary point from their last four Eredivisie matches and lost heavily at Bayern. Still, they'll be too good for the away side here.

INGOLSTADT X DORTMUND:
The home sides form reads; LLLLLL. Dortmund have a mini injury crisis, but they'll add another 'L' here.

WEST HAM X SUNDERLAND:
David Moyes putting in DavidMoyes-y performances? Who saw that coming?! Home win.

ARSENAL vs MIDDLESBROUGH: Boro need to get their shit together and arrest the decline. Unfortunately, playing an in-form Arsenal away is not the ideal start.
Home win.

MUNICH X MONCHENGLADBACH:
After recent downturn in results, Bayern have two consecutive comfortable wins. Gladbach are a decent side at home but have a rotten away form.
Comfortable home win.
.
SPORTING LISBON X TONDELA: Haba. Home win all the way.

REAL MADRID X ATHLETIC BILBAO: An interesting fixture that is always, always entertaining.
Home win and over 2.5goals.

Audacius bet of the weekend: CHELSEA vs MAN UNITED: two sides in transition gradually coming into their own. I still think Chelsea's defence is creaky. For this, I tip a narrow United win.

Remember, these are nought but tips. Espouse, edit and delete as seen fit. Good luck boys.

Captaincue.

WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY: BIG SAM'S DEFENESTRATION

In pro football, I imagine representing your country is one of the undoubted highlights of a career, because so long as you're putting on your national colors, someone from a different ethnicity, of a different religion and background, will pine for your success; for one-and-a-half hours at least. This is all imaginary of course, but I believe footballically, something trumps playing for your country: coaching your national team. My imagination isn't wide of the mark according to the words of Sam Allardyce when he was appointed as the manager of the Three Lions:

“As a youngster you start and you dream of playing football, and, when you finally make it, your next dream has to be what is the next level for you. You dream of being a manager, you achieve it and you work your way through the ranks and you look for the ultimate goal. If you strive for the ultimate goal you might never get there but if you keep going and keep being successful ultimately you will. So for me it is a privileged position to now get to the top of the tree, the top of the ladder and this job couldn’t be bigger. No job is bigger than this for me.”

Sam Allardyce, a veteran of English football, has consistently decried the supposed lack of chances afforded coaches of English descent at getting top, top jobs. After years of championing allegations of reverse-xenophobia in England, Allardyce was given the England job after Roy Hodgson's woeful failure at #Euro2016. A man's recurring dream had finally come true - - as he was tasked with taking his country to the 2018 World cup in Russia & beyond.

To the surprise of many, a two-year mandate ended after only 67 days as Allardyce was fired after a sting operation by an English newspaper had brutally exposed him giving advice on how to circumvent some FA laws, mocking his predecessor, speaking unguardedly about England's royalty and generally being crass.

Now, it must be pointed out that money is never enough, but Big Sam was on an annual salary of  £3million and he was already a multimillionaire. Still, being caught on camera in a restaurant, eating like a wolf and looking inebriated while making reckless remarks about your employers isn't exactly the hallmark of a man who just got his dream job. Big Sam fucked this one up and this time, reverse-xenophobia can't be blamed -- only his unwitting crassness cost him.

In 'The Dark Knight', one of the movies by a criminally underrated writer/director in Hollywood, the villain; 'The Joker' said: "..do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it..."

Now, to extrapolate a football analogy into real life. You'll probably deserve it when resilience, or excellence, or persistent hard work, or luck (or anything you believe in) presents you with a coveted, lofty opportunity. Big Sam's mistake, our lesson! What happens after your dream comes true? Don't fuck it up.

Just because you've been wanting something for a long, long time doesn't mean you know what to do with it when it drops in your lap. You're not The Joker, you must have a plan to handle prosperity. Are you really ready for progress; with all the increased scrutiny and schadenfreude that comes with it? Big Sam wasn't.

You better be.
Watch yourself.

--CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

CUE's BETTING TIPS (20/21_08_2016]

Since we all want to pretend last week didn't happen (I tipped over2.5+Liverpool win, mind you), right this way for this weekend's tips:

BARCELONA X BETIS:
If you're one of those that call 1.10 'one point ten', just return your certificate to your school. With a letter of apology for good measure. That over with, one-point-ten is the odd on a home win here. Not much, but they all count in an accumulator.
Home win.

HOUNDURAS X NIGERIA:
A shambolic showing for Nigeria at Rio could end on a high should they pull off a win here, which I think they will. P.S: This tip has nothing to do with my nationality.
Nigeria victory.

BRAZIL X GERMANY:
The one trophy in International football that eludes Brazil. Against the workmanlike, efficient if unspectacular Germans, I'm calling a comprehensive Brazilian victory.

BURNLEY vs LIVERPOOL:
An easy boost to my accumulator. Away win; and that's a banker.

LEICESTER vs ARSENAL:
They're Arsenal, consistent inconsistency is their hallmark. Wenger's set to recall Ozil, Koscielny and/or Giroud for this blockbuster between last season's first and second. With no Kante in a wonderfully porous midfield, retention of Messrs Mahrez & Vardy coupled with the addition of Nigerian speedster, Musa to Leicester's lineup, this is another high-scoring contest that could go either way.
Over 2.5goals.

BRISTOL CITY vs NEWCASTLE:
Finally, inevitably, Benitez and his acolytes got their acts right and now they're set to steamroller all in their path.
Away win.

CELTA VIGO X LEGANES:
Lega-gini, I hear you say. Exactly.
Home win.

ZWOLLE vs PSV:
Save for a heroic push from Feyenoord, PSV will win the league at a canter.
Away win.

ATLETICO MADRID X ALAVES:
A banker to cap it all off.
Home win.

Good luck people. Have fun.
--->>>Captaincue.

MO' FARAH: A Confirmation Bias

        Thanks to YouTube, I'm inundated with sporting moments I missed due to my age; thus, I know an awful lot about the landmark achievements and remarkable feats of athletes at the five-ring tourney pre-#Athens2004, which, as it happens, is the first Olympic tournament I can vividly recall. Its always fun to watch these retro-footages to get a feel of the ambience, style and politics of yore.

        Being exposed to sporting porn on the internet, one is bound to appreciate the efforts, achievements and legacies of compatriots: Ajunwa, Toriola, Onyali, Ogunkoya et al., and those NOT of Nigerian descent: Isinbayeva, Jesse Owens, Comaneci, The bloody Dream Team, Gebrselassie, Bekele et al. These aforementioned athletes, and more like them, have put in incredible performances over the years, while some (Bolt, Phelps, Murray) are STILL doing great things with their careers at the Olympics. This piece though, is about another contemporary great - Mo' Farah - the British long-distance running legend who just defended his 10,000m title from the London Olympics at its sequel; #Rio2016.

        I'm not going to extol his athletic accomplishments (seriously, wiki him), so I'm just going to discuss the crux of this piece. Minutes into the start of a 10,000m race, where all contestants are crammed into the inner lanes of the track, Mo' tripped over his own foot, fell, rolled on the hard ground, narrowly escaped having his head trampled by an unsuspecting runner, who, thankfully, flew over Mo'. That's hardly worth a 140-character tweet, but I'll tell you what is. And then some. He picked himself up, dusted himself down, licked his wounds (insert any beautiful figure of speech about moving on) and proceeded to win gold in a race that had a horribly calamitous beginning for him.

        One is never tired of hearing grass to grace stories at major sporting events like the Olympics, but you must forgive me for exploring a much simpler and infinitely basic one, the "winners don't quit" narrative. Despite, or rather, in spite of the inauspicious start to a long, long race, he put on the steely determination of a coldblooded, pigheaded, focused lion -- went in for the kill, and made it.

        Extrapolating lessons and values from one field (sport) to a much bigger one (life) might seem rather simplistic, but the inherent similarities are existential. In pursuit of a goal (or gold), you might falter, drift or worse still, fall. But like Mo' did, there's no time to feel sorry for yourself for an unforseen and unfortunate contingency. You keep moving with the singular intent of achieving your goal. Its only proper to end this with the D.H. Lawrence poem that Master-Chief John Urgayle quoted in G.I. Jane:

     "I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
      A small bird will drop frozen from a bough
      Without ever having felt sorry for itself."

        It rrrrrings true. When it comes to heroes, I'll always advocate drawing the line between admiration and worship; as no mortal is worthy of being worshipped. Acts though, that single-mindedness, that chutzpah, that middle-finger salute to a difficult challenge; that's an act worthy of emulation. Bravo Mo' Farah; a modern hero.

(Nigeria's football gold in 1996 trumps everything)

---CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

Cue's BETTING TIPS (13-14/08/2016)

Hey. I took a sabbatical for reasons explained here, but I'm back for the new season though. Without much ado, here we go:

HULL vs LEICESTER:
The new season has to start with a banker like this one. Jesus is coming back, that's expected. Hull, will be relegated, that's inevitable. A club in shambles -- a depleted squad, terrible administrators, no manager and not a single signing; the perfect recipe for a poor season. No one expects Leicester to repeat a (still) weird feat, but jump on a straightforward Leicester win here.

ARSENAL vs LIVERPOOL:
Beautiful two-footed Cazorla, Xhaka's grit, Lovren's wife, a centreback pairing of Holding and Monreal, Sanogo on the bench, Gegenpressing, rampaging Mane with a price tag to justify, Klopp's grin etc. This has the makings of a high scoring contest.
Over 2.5 goals & Liverpool win.

BOURNEMOUTH vs MAN UNITED:
United faltered under Moyes & LvG because they couldn't dispatch 'small' teams, but I think Mourinho will buck the trend and bully these small teams all season long. Pogba will sit this one out, still, I think United have too much quality for the home side (who have recruited well by the way).
Away win.

MAN CITY vs SUNDERLAND:
Moyes has bought a new defense and will look to remake some tainted reputation, I just don't think the rebuilding will start at the Etihad. New coaches, new players, new systems. All these promise a bucket load of goals in what will be a ridiculously open contest.
Over 2.5 goals

EVERTON vs TOTTENHAM:
A potentially cracking match here, but Koeman is still settling in his new home. Tottenham on the other hand, have kept their nucleus and improved on it. They'll narrowly shade this one thank you very much.
Away win

MARSEILLE vs TOULOUSE:
Toulouse narrowly escaped relegation last season, lost their talisman Wissam Ben Yedder (brilliant name) & replaced him with Ola Toivonen (poor man's Zlatan). One would think it'd be a straightforward win for Marseille, but you'd be wrong. A big side punching below it's weight and unforgiving fans isn't the exact combination for success. Still, with Diarra, Thauvin, Gomis & Cabella, they'll edge a tight one.
Home win.

VITESSE vs ADO Den Haag:
Impressive comfortable wins for both sides last week, but Chelsea Mk II (aka Vitesse) have that bit of superior quality that should see a comfortable home win here.
Home win.

NEWCASTLE vs HUDDERSFIELD:
Having lost their opener, Newcastle have a chance to make good on their status as favorites for the title. With record attendances and adoring fans who've found a new hero in Bemitez, they'll kick start their season with a win here.
Home win.

KRYLA SOVETOV SAMARA vs KRASNODAR:
Foot of the table vs Top of the table. In Smolov (4goals in 2games), Krasnodar have a livewire striker who'll feast on Samara here.
Comprehensive away win.

Right, that's your lot for the weekend. Good luck people.

--->>>Captaincue.

FUCKING ALBATROSSES

I was a teenager with a little rebellious streak which made it nigh impossible to meet up with deadlines for submission of stuff at school. Still, for prosperity's own sake, I've had to tweak my character over the years. In order to make up for the loss of freedom in some phases of my life, I (over)compensate for these concessions in other aspects -- this bibulous blog as a prime example. I dos what I likes.

I used to be okay at academics, you see -- then I wasn't anymore; for reasons I'll detail in my autobiography should I lead a successful life. It was real tough moving on with my life when I had an extra year, I despaired as I never thought such a fate would befall me. My self-esteem was shot to pieces. I surreptitiously engaged in a smorgasbord of self-loathing and misery. I buckled under the overburden pressure of expectations.

Thankfully, by hook & by crook, by doing everything within and without the book, by sheer force of willpower, by providence of the cosmics and by the phantom undertow that propels our lives in the direction it goes, I graduated college after an unusually long time in that bench. When I saw my name on the graduating list, I just dipped my hands in my pockets and looked on in astonished bewilderment. "Is that it?", I remember I though.

I copiously thanked friends and family for the support and slept without a speck of worry on my narrow chest. A terrible weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, momentarily. It wasn't long until it dawned on me that graduating college literally and figuratively meant graduating into another phase; hence, another albatross perched on my ill-equipped shoulders. Still, after the catharsis, I needed time off for convalescence. 11months has done me the world of good, it seems.

In retrospect, I fucking needed that break. To work on my character and shii. I let go of my faux-machismo persona. I stopped feeling sorry for myself whenever someone would remark that "Ah, its like you like this shirt o". No, I don't like that shirt, I just don't have many. (Some people are bastards btw). I've stopped hiding my fingers under the table because I'm a nail biter (sorry). I've started going after thick, yellow, honest-to-God big women that catch my fancy without caring if I get turned down. I took an 11month break from posting pieces without offering an explanation because I felt it was the right thing to do. I needed the break to revitalize my hunger for success, to recharge my batteries, to get my bearing and to set sail on the path I chose. To see its okay to NOT strive to someone's idea of an ideal. To see it's okay to let your inherent personality manifest.

On the soul searching journey that ensued, I realize I had a late start. The wait was especially painful and particularly testing. Now my accounts are still lean as ever, my temperament still requires work, my views are still somewhat peculiar, but, thankfully, finally, I'm gradually coming into my own.

That man in 'House of Cards' said "There are 2 kinds of pain. The sort of pain that makes you strong or the useless pain; pain that is just suffering." I think I know the sort I had to deal with. Progress hasn't been linear gaskiya, and the trajectory hasn't always been upward, but the variables in this equation are being solved.

I'll end this polemic with an aphorism I came up with; that its okay to be less than perfect. What a hard-learnt lesson that was. What an invaluable dogma that is.

--->>>Captaincue.

PREDICTIONS (12/13-09-2015)

Hello all. I'm glad to resume this thing after the international break. This edition will be sharp and precise; almost devoid of any witty banter -- as I am emotionally distraught (girlfriend issues), but I promise this won't cloud my judgement in any way. Here you go:

EVERTON vs CHELSEA:
Three draws, three losses and two wins between these two in the opening eight games. It is an appalling record to say the least. Everyone thought Chelsea's tight victory at WestBrom was a watershed moment but Crystal Palace quickly put 'everyone' out of her misery. A pint of bad blood now exists between these two after the Stone's debacle. This will be an entertaining encounter that could go either way.
Over 2.5goals

MAN UTD vs LIVERPOOL:
Two early wins in the season followed by a limp draw and a demoralizing defeat for United; a carbon copy of Liverpool's form coming into this encounter. Then United signed Martial and gave the press something to masturbate to. I think United will ride on the crest of the Degea contract renewal to a victory. Not to mention their double over Liverpool last season.
Home win.

ATL MADRID vs BARCELONA:
The dynamic with which Atleti now operate is a different one from the defensive Juggernaut they used to be. They're note attack-minded these days. Both sides come into this on the back of uncomfortable consecutive victories. I think all stops will be pulled out in a high-scoring encounter.
Over 2.5goals

ARSENAL vs STOKE:
What was one a fortress (Emirates) has been anything but for Arsenal this season. After an underwhelming transfer window, Arsenal will look to shut some naysayers up. Stoke are no pushovers themselves.
Over 1.5goals

GIJON VS VALENCIA:
Two times I've tipped Valencia to win this young season, two times they've drawn matches. Like Shania Twain sang, I ain't no quitter!
Away win

LEVERKUSEN vs DARMSTADT:
Bayer sauntered to two easy victories before understandably getting beat by Bayern before the break. Against the newbies? Normal services will resume.
Home win.

FROSINONE vs AS ROMA:
I called Roma's victory over Juve and I'll confidently put my money on another Roma victory here. They're that good.
Away win.

JUVENTUS vs CHIEVO:
Fact: Chievo have started the season with a bang; banging in seven goals in two games -- including four unreplied goals against a competent Lazio side. Juve have a point to prove. This one's finely poised for a tonne of goals.
Over 2.5goals

HANNOVER vs DORTMUND:
Dortmund are in fine nick and one has to feel sorry for anyone that faces them at this point in time.
Dortmund win

PALACE vs MAN CITY:
Two form teams (first & second in the league). Just bet on at least three goals being scored, open a cold one and enjoy a cracking match.
Over 2.5goals

INTER vs AC (MILAN)
Due to a disheartening dearth in quality over the last couple of years, this fixture has served up some utter dross devoid of any quality. Change dolè
Over 3.5goals. (Lol. Seriously!!)

ESPANYOL vs REAL MADRID:
I no even research this one.
Away win please.

Good luck boys. And girls!

PREDICTIONS (29/30-08-2015)

So we nailed a miserly 50% of last week's predictions; a decidedly sharp decline from the 87.5% of the upper week. We are gathered here today to right those wrongs. Here goes:

NEWCASTLE vs ARSENAL:
Lunchtime kickoff at St James' Park between two sides who've been punching below their weight this season. These two sides fired blanks in their last league games and there couldn't possibly be a repeat here. Arsenal will look to make up for all those points they've dropped and Newcastle have to prove the impressive midweek win in the Cup wasn't a fluke. This one could swing either way.
Over 1.5

MAN CITY vs WATFORD:
City were a little tentative in the victory at Goodison park, but they will pull out all the stops at home to Watford; who aren't bad by any means, but hey, this is Man City. I think Sterling will get off the mark in this fixture.
Home win & Over 2.5

FENERBACHE vs ANTALYASPOR:
Fener's inconsistent results aren't exactly a shock as they've undergone a major squad reshuffle. Still, I think the league will be a fight between them and Besiktas. That said, Antalyaspor have won their last two games 3-2 and 3-1. They're evidently capable of dishing them out and packing them in. This should be fun.
Over 1.5

CHELSEA vs PALACE:
A nail biting end to a 3-2 victory at West Brom sets them up nicely for a potentially cracking game between two sides that score and concede freely. I think this will end in a Chelsea victory with both teams finding the back of the net.
Home win & Over 2.5

BARCA vs MALAGA:
A well drilled defensive team head for a baptism of fire at the Camp Nou. With Neymar back in the team, this could get Messi (pun intended) for Malaga.
Home win and Over 2.5

REAL MADRID vs REAL BETIS:
I know Real Madrid's season will ultimately end in crushing disappointment but I fully expect that lot to have an okay start to the season. They'll win this one; in spite of their coach.
Home win.

SEVILLA vs ATLETICO MADRID:
Sevilla ineffably started the season with a goalless draw -- something nigh on unthinkable as they're usually one of the most entertaining sides in Europe. Atletico earned a narrow victory last week, but its too early in the season to be negative. So I see an attacking game that'll produce a couple of goals at least.
Over 1.5

VALENCIA vs DEPORTIVO:
The midweek Champions League qualifier against Monaco distracted Valencia last weekend as the laboured to a miserable draw away at Rayo. Now that Champions league football has been secured for the season, they will start performing in La Liga.
Home win.

DORTMUND vs HERTHA BERLIN:
Jurggen kini? The home side are playing some swashbuckling football right now and any opponent must be pitied. Another Mikhitaryan inspired victory on the cards here.
Home win.

KUBAN vs CSKA MOSCOW:
CSKA's form reads: WWWWW from their last five league matches. For my accumulator's sake, I'll doublechance 'em.
X2

ACADEMICA vs SPORTIN LISBON:
In Teo Gutierrez and Islam Slimani, Sportin have an efficient, if unspectacular front line to fire them to victory at an Academica side that lost 0-4 to Setubal last week.
Away win.

CARPI vs INTERNAZIONALE: A newly promoted side that lost 2-5 to an average Sampdoria side will have their work cut out against (my) outsider tip for the crown. Its only a matter of how many Inter will score. AWAY WIN

For the audacious tip of the weekend (with 'big odd'), look no further than:
HERACLES vs TWENTE:
It has gone under the radar a bit, but Heracles are in outstanding form; scoring nine goals in their last two games and conceding once. With a Twente side in rotten form (6conceded in two games), I'll bet on a win for the home side.
Home win

HYPOCRISY (part1): IT COMES AROUND

Though politics isn't really my forte, it has firmly caught my fancy (take note Tekno) and I am currently learning the ropes. Soccer, on the other hand, is what I know an awful lot about. Apart from the actual footballing on the pitch, I derive immense pleasure from seeing young players surmount challenges to fulfill potential. Also I have a fetish for listening to football commentary and watching managers' press conferences. This is where the, mostly subliminal but sometimes direct scathing messages are sent to rivals -- this is where the battle begins. Football is a whole different ball game (pun intended) where the finances involved in the game is taken into account. Its a chimerical eldorado that is far removed from everyday happenings of those of us living in an alternate world.

Thankfully, if unfortunately, football shares some common traits with our world -- one of which is hypocrisy of major proportions. I wrote in the first prediction of the EPL season that Chelsea's defense needed revamping and my friend Mr Jose Mourinho listened to me. He's since made a couple of unsuccessful bids for Everton's John Stones. Everton and their gaffer (Roberto Martinez) refused those offers on the premise that they wanna keep the young defender. What caught my attention is Martinez's innuendo filled retort after a third bid was made:
     "...sometimes money can't buy everything and that is going to be a very strong statement at Everton"

An admirable position no doubt, but Martinez's stance has been one of self-absorption; a man trying to be a hero, to defy the system, to challenge the authoritarian arrogance of the elite. I think this rebellion just reeks of hypocrisy. In a series of statements that are part funny and part bewildering, he has decried that bigger sides with bigger resources and better chances of success swoop in and pick off the talents at lesser clubs -- while beautifully ignoring the fact that Mr Stones left little Barnsley and their modest resources/goals for a 'big' club i.e Everton.

This shii is a bloody cycle and while standing up to the system is applaudable, insinuating that the system wants to fuck you sideways is hypocrisy -- considering the fact that you (Everton) did the same to a smaller club (Barnsley). The little fish gets eaten by the big fish before an even bigger fish eats the 'big' fish. Shit goes around, but bear in mind that shit also comes around.

That is how the system works. That is why the system works.

--->>>Captaincue (I think he'll go to Chelsea before the window closes)

PREDICTIONS (22/23-08-2015)

Last week's report card: 87.5% success. We steady getting closer to that hallowed 100% mark. Hope this meets you people in rude health. Here goes:

MAN UNITED vs NEWCASTLE:
An underwhelming start to the season from the Magpies; having drawn one and lost one. They've made shiny, beautiful new signings that I'm sure will come good -- but they have an appalling record against this particular opposition. United (man) did most of their business earlier in the summer and I think this fact is lost on their disappointed fans after missing out on Pedro. That boy Depay will fire them to victory here.
Home win.

LEICESTER vs TOTTENHAM:
I was as surprised as the next person when Tottenham contrived to snatch a draw from the jaws of victory against Stoke -- I fully expected them to lose the game. What a shame. That said, Spurs seem to be getting out of their early season funk and playing a Leicester side who've had a blistering start, this game will produce a couple of goals. At least.
Over 1.5

PALACE vs VILLA:
See what I did with the headline?! Palace came through for me last week and I quite fancy a fame like this to give me two goals.
Over 1.5

HELLAS vs AS ROMA:
Roma have had a quietly decent summer. Keeping their best players and adding Salah and Dzeko to their ranks? Wow. They'll win this at a canter.
Away win.

LAZIO vs BOLOGNA:
The Roman side have a competitive headstart (CL qualifiers); so one would expect them o be head and shoulders ahead of their newly promoted opponents in terms of fitness and fluidity. When momentum collided with inertia, inertia will be hurt pretty bad.
Home win.

HANNOVER vs LEVERKUSEN:
Beautiful stadium? Check.
Big local fan base? Check.
Beautiful jerseys? Check.
Beautiful blind Aryan players? Check.
Leverkusen are the archetypal hipster club. Its a good thing they can play the game too.  A tight win last week will be followed by a convincing one this.
Away win.

ATL. MADRID vs LAS PALMAS:
Las-kinni? I hear you say. Atletico weren't by any means poor last season but they didn't reach the heady heights of their La Liga winning season of 2013. Call me crazy (don't), but I tip 'em to take the league from a complacent Barca side. It begins here.
Home win.

RAYO vs VALENCIA:
A comprehensive win over Monaco in the CL qualifier in midweek sets Valencia up nicely for this one. They now have their own sugar daddy and that money will see them have a big season.
Away win.

WEST BROM vs CHELSEA:
Already 5points behind City (I called it!), they're due a big performance to save them from an embarrassing start to the season. Chelsea will win this one. By hook or by crook.
Chelsea victory. By crook.

INGOLSTADT vs DORTMUND:
LOL.

INTERNAZIONALE vs ATALANTA:
Inter have done excellent business in the transfer market. They're due a big season. It begins with a comfortable win here.
Home win.

EVERTON vs MAN CITY:
My favourite EPL player (Aguero) is in mesmerizing form as displayed in the victory against Chelsea (I called it too!). With everyone bang in form, this City will take some stopping. Lukaku and Barkley will make it interesting, but City will come out victorious. I reckon we'll see lots of goals (City to win 4-2).Anyway...
Over 3.5goals.

GIJOÑ vs REAL MADRID:
I reckon things will go spectacularly wrong for Real this season -- like finishing third. I'll even bet Benitez won't be there at the end of the season -- but they'll start the season with a bang.
Away win.

ARSENAL vs LIVERPOOL:
This one pretty much writes itself.
Over 2.5 goals (all day long).

There's your lot. Good luck boys.
--->>>Captaincue

PREDICTIONS (15/16-08-2015)

Report card from last week's tips: 70% success rate. Not bad, but definitely not 'it'. Again, we mount these betting horses and attempt to run them into the ground. Here we go:

LEVERKUSEN vs HOFFENHEIM:
Hoffenheim have sold their one truly remarkable player to Liverpool and I think they'll struggle this season. Bayer had an excellent campaign last season and I'll bet big on them picking up where they left off.
Comprehensive home win.

VfL WOLFSBURG vs FRANKFURT:
Wolfsburg's best player, Kevin de Bruyne's future is uncertain. Apart from him though, they've done a fine job of keeping their core. I'd bet on a home win here, but its the opening weekend of the Bundesliga season. What would it cost to err on the side of caution ba? Exactly
1X

CRYSTAL PALACE vs ARSENAL:
Palace's fine campaign last season was fuelled mostly by confidence. This time around, they're not just high on confidence but high on quality as well. Cabaye??!! Wow.
I foresee a (2-1 win) for either side. Either ways, we'll get three goals.
Over 2.5

GUINGAMP vs LYON:
Lyon should win an award for their inconsistencies. I'm guessing they spoiled many a tipster's accumulator after last week's disappointing opening day draw with Lorient. A poor Guingamp side IS the perfect opportunity to start getting it right.
Lyon victory

MAN CITY vs CHELSEA:
One of my banker's last weekend was Chelsea conceding, and boy did they! There seems to be a general consensus that Chelsea can't be 5points behind City after two games; that Mourinho will find a way to NOT lose this game at the Etihad. Me? I'll be having a laugh.
Home win please!!

LIVERPOOL vs BOURNEMOUTH:
I know this is a Monday game, but you might wanna add this to your accumulator. The new boys will be overwhelmed.
Liverpool win.

DORTMUND vs GLADBACH:
Two sides who always, always give no quota. This match will be like football porn to the hipsters.
Over 2.5 goals

For the audacious tip of the weekend, look no further than the match at the WhiteHartLane:
TOTTENHAM vs STOKE CITY:
Stoke have brought in some slick attacking players but have failed to replace their midfield lynchpin: Steven Nzonzi. Both teams suffered one-nil losses on the opening weekend but this Spurs side, dare I say, is low on quality. The odds on offer for a Stoke win is above four points. Jump on it.
Stoke win.

Remember, these are only tips. Edit, espouse and delete as you wish.
May the odds forever be in our favour.

--->>>Captaincue

PREDICTIONS (08-09/08/2015)

A  77day recess that seemed like an eternity, has, like every holiday, come to an exciting end. Hands up if you're not excited by the return of the #EPL and the European footballing season. Just you? Now gerrarahia, you joyless prude. An awful lot has gone down behind the scenes -- your life, mine, players', managers' and everyone. I'm fairly certain not everyone that read my last betting tip in May is alive. For keeping us, and all other blessings, we unabashedly give God the glory.
To essence, I'm gonna start with a caveat: you may wish to know that betting/gambling is generally seen as immoral around these uber-religious shores, but gambling is a bloody multibillion dollar industry and I'm not about to sit on my hands and do nothing. That said, why not add value to the reader by writing tips that'll be at once entertaining, enlightening and educative? Exactly! So, be prepared to see tips that contain unconventional stuff like poems and stories. 'Nuff said, here you go:

MAN UNITED vs TOTTENHAM:
United have bought fantastically well in the market, but that's what was said last season too. They've brought in excellent midfielders, an exciting rightback and MD7. I'm a United fan myself and in no way am I blinded by bias when I say there's no way United are losing to Spurs. The jury is still out on all the teams this season and one can't make absolute calls just yet. So I'll doublechance the home team here.
1x

CHELSEA vs SWANSEA:
Chelsea put in some laboured performances in preseason and in the Community shield. Their riposte being that we'll see a firing Chelsea team when competitive football begins this weekend. Chelsea are the finest exponent of the art of throwing bodies in the ways of shots -- but that defense needs some serious refreshing -- thus, the interest in Stones. They won't keep a clean sheet. In games like this, I would bet on both teams finding the back of the net, but that's complicating stuff.
Over 1.5

NEWCASTLE vs SOUTHAMPTON:
"If an archer shoots just for fun, he has all his skill
If he shoots for score, his hands tremble and his breath is uneasy
If he shoots for a golden price, he becomes mad and blind
His skill was not lessened, but the vision of the target changed him."
                -->> Chinese proverb.

Two summers ago, Southampton sold a raft of key players and were generally expected to have a poor season last year. They didn't. I think they did well because no one expected big things from them and the pressure was off. It'd be intriguing to see how they cope when the pressure of matching last season's achievement is on them. I like the Chinese.
Over 1.5goals.

ARSENAL vs WEST HAM:
The boy Sanchez will sit this one out but I don't think he'll be missed. WestHam missed out on an Europa league place on Thursday by resting lots of key players -- a bad decision I think will bite their shiny new coach in the rear. Has he not heard of 'momentum'? I wonder.
Home win AND over 2.5goals.

STOKE vs LIVERPOOL:
Despite the glaring absence of a certain Steven Gerrard, Liverpool now seem to have a bigger (better? Dare I say) squad. On paper. Of course. After a 6-1 defeat at the Brittania in the last match of last season, Liverpool will be happy to leave with a point this time around. Goals abound.
Over 2.5 of them.

OGC NICE vs MONACO:
Gone are the superstars at the club from the principality. All that's left is a delicious blend of highly talented youngsters and experience. I can't resist a smoothie.
X2

PRESTON vs MIDDLESBROUGH:
Newly promoted Preston play host to a Boro side high on ambition and confidence after a surprise romantic reunion with Stewart Downing and building a good squad. I think Boro will be this season's Bournemouth. It begins here:
X2

NORWICH vs CRYSTAL PALACE;
BOURNEMOUTH vs ASTON VILLA:
I think these ones will be score-draws. So I'll just bet on both games to produce more than a lone goal -- just because its too early in the season to be wholly negative.
Over1.5

WEST BROM vs MAN CITY:
City (with Sterling) will look to have a blistering start to the season and West Brom are a solid if unspectacular side who'll give City a run for their money. Still, quality will shine through.
City to win 2-1.

Gentlemen, there's your lot for the weekend. Edit, espouse and delete as appropriate. Its good to be back.

Yours in tipster-y,
-->>Captaincue

OF OPINIONS: THE ASHLEY YOUNG EXAMPLE

Football has, since (Korea/Japan)2002, been a huge part of my life as it provides me ample amusement, endless entertainment and no little amount of interesting happenstances that are potential analogies for my writings. Also, I'm a tipster -- make of that what you will. For 13years, I've watched thousands of minutes of realtime football and hours of clips from football of yore. With the background provided above and those in my previous missives, you'd forgive my frequent referencing of footballing guff for stuff that's analogous to my writings. Football is what I know and as the Bavarians say; mia san mia. Indeed, we are. To essence, I am passionate about my opinions and my opinion is that Ashley Young of Man United is a pisspoor footballer. Don't try to convince me, I'm a reticent bastard.

My biggest fear at the beginning of my writing career was getting negative reviews for works. For a long while, I penned stuff and kept them in my room until my brother snooped around and read one of my short stories. He wasn't satisfied with the quality of writing, but he was pained about a character killed. Till today, he wants me to bring the dead character from the dead. A couple of months later, I started a blog and in my first post, I said I wasn't even the smartest person in my clique but I was gonna start publishing thoughts/writings anyways. It wasn't because I was/am a self-centered egomaniac, or that I was less afraid of getting negative reviews -- trust me, nothing gladdens me heart like wholly positive acclaim for me work -- I just chose to focus on the fact people actually formed opinions about my work.

As ever, I'll extrapolate a footballing analogy to provide some perspective. So, the victim/analogy today is my personal take on Ashley Young, a man that plays for the team I support and who I think very little of. He is a winger and far as I'm concerned, wingers should be creative, stylish, electric, skillful and eccentric. Mr Young has none of these traits. Instead, he receives the ball with an awkward control, turns to face his own half, holds the ball for far too long, invites pressure on himself, before inadvertently passing the ball backwards to his defender. When forced to attack, all Mr Young does is cut the ball onto his right foot and hook a high ball into the opposition area which the goalkeeper plucks out of the air 90times out of 100.

Such is my disregard for Mr Young's footballing (dis)abilities that I once blamed him for United's defeat before someone pointed out that he wasn't even in the match day squad. Lol. I'd rather see a younger player take his place and shank  crosses out for throw-ins. Now, when I see Mr Young curl the ball into the goalkeepers arms, I'm not even disappointed anymore. I don't even complain -- just because I don't expect anything footbalically good from the man. However, when someone I think is more technically gifted and has more inherent talent shanks a cross into the goalkeeper's arms, I get angry. I complain. Because I believe that person can do better.

That is how I see work and criticism. That is the perspective I think young people like me should have. Personally, I'm yet to choose a career, but when I do, I never want to be the Ashley Young of that profession -- whence people evaluate my work with varying levels of cursory disinterest. I want my work to provoke some sort of reaction. I want someone to say "this bastard is good" or some people to say they're terribly disappointed by my work. I never want to drift into that cesspit of mediocrity where people won't even be disappointed when I goof. I never want to be that writer that puts cross after cross into the goalkeeper's arms and the fans won't even be disappointed because they don't expect anything better from me. Rave reviews are greatest. Negative reviews will sting your ego, but if it has any merit, you'll be better for it. Negative reviews of extreme sort probably tells more about the reviewer than the reviewee.

More than anything though, If people think you're punching below your weight, take it as a compliment. Aspire to be more than you are. Be more than Ashley Young. Never become Ashley Young.

(...outside of the pitch, Mr Young is a terrific human being)

---CAPTAINCUE (...is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Send me a direct message on Twitter @Captaincue or send me a mail with your writing needs at kaptaincue@gmail.com)

WHAT IS 'GOOD'!

Hello. At this rate, I might have to make this guy an admin on my blog. He has been prolific to say the least. Including this post, he now has three posts on MY blog; and the trio have been thought-provoking. Big ups to the Engineer.  For a recap of his previous missives, click here and there. For today's post, here you go:

"I don’t have a day job (that should not necessarily be translated as me being jobless). That probably explains why I spend every waking minute, and some sleeping minutes of my life thinking about random topics. Just the other day, I had a dream in which I was thinking about stuff that made me cry. I woke up and the tears just wouldn’t stop. So, I THINK I brood in my sleep too.


Now, having a lot of spare time in the day only partially explains why I think a lot because there are millions of jobless people everywhere who still never sit down to think about anything. The real reason will be that I am just Homo sapien personified. I like to fix every piece of any [figurative] jigsaw. Discrepancies between two recounts of the same event keep me awake all night. When timelines cross, I am always busy thinking. Mostly I am not looking for the lie alone; I am looking for the “why”. Why things happen… Again, I deviate.

In June, I had to embark on the same 8hours road trip four times in four days - coincidentally,  I am typing this in transit of the ilk. Not driving afforded me enough time to do what I do best: sleep think. The driver of the commercial vehicle on one of such journeys had an mp3 transmitter that kept doling out Naija “hip-hop” songs, mostly Olamide’s. I loved that. Then a point came when the music genre changed to Fuji. My music taste only excludes songs by Lady Gaga, so I had no problem with that. I even sang along in my mind. Then a co-passenger made a comment that means “where have you been hiding good music all this while?”  Now I had a problem with that statement. Who told him what good music is supposed to be? Who?!

As general as pretty and ugly can be – because I believe everybody agrees on who is pretty. It is the ugly ones that are up for debate – people still come up with a consolation sentences like “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder” [“and the angle you are beholding from” as my lovely ever-recurrent ex girlfriend will put it]. If that applies to beauty (I believe if your beauty depends on who is looking, you are just not pretty – come sit with me), then music is an even more appropriate topic to apply that.

Ultimately, music is entertainment. Different people find different things entertaining. When a musician sings, he/she does so with the hope that someone somewhere finds it entertaining.  If you do, it means that you can relate to whatever message the song is sending; it doesn’t mean that people who don’t like it are doing anything wrong. A Yoruba adage translated to English will mean ”a mad person is fun to watch, not fun to birth”. I am not in cahoots with that. I don’t find mad people fun to watch one bit. But then, I don’t begrudge those who find madness funny their fun. I also have weird ways of catching fun too (like watching people die in SAN ANDREAS* - a classic comedy IMO).


Music has very broad genres. Even within the same genre, styles differ. I know Dare Art Alade, for instance, knows basic music. I know he knows the quavers, clefs, notes, scales and other music jargon, but I am not sorry that I don’t find what he sings as entertaining as Terry G’s. Lil Wayne just talks, I hear none of the Igbo Phyno spits, Baddo and Reminisce are razz, but their songs attend to my issues every day. Of course I listen to every other kind of song depending on my mood and what is obtainable. But then, I will not be caught dead singing Timi [Dakolo] or Simi’s praise. And don’t even get me started on Praiz. That don’t mean I’ll go about calling guys who love slow female songs (whatever they call that genre) fags - what I think of course is in my mind.

In essence, when BET or Grammy declares that someone won an award, the person won THAT award. After all, there is no standard as to what songs should be like. So whatever the organizers decide holds. Now if the Headies decide that Sean Tizzle had more votes than Burna Boy, the “elites” should welcome the idea instead of boring us with how the process is flawed. It’s not like it is not these razz music we [the local ones] and the elite alike groove to in the club.
It is not impossible that I will feel differently about the paragraph before this after right now. But the message today is that: what is music to you is crap to someone else, and quite rightly too. Live with that or kee yourself."
                     --->>>El-Jay ( @laycawn)

*I find it funny that with the number of people (who also have families) that lost their lives, the movie only focuses on a family's survival. Viewers are tricked into only really pitying that family, like the other lives are expendable.

BORING BOREDOM

There are many ways to spend free time – like staring at a wall, watching paint dry, write nonsense/something like this, start a blog, contemplate starting a blog, think about why people contemplate starting blogs, read about why people ever contemplate anything…or any other thing that doesn’t involve electrical power and cellular network (especially if you are in Africa) – which makes the alarming rate at which people complain of boredom sadly astounding. Thirty minutes without their (smart) phones makes youths (and dare I say some adults) of nowadays uneasy.

At this point, I have to make two things clear:
What I am going to end up writing about isn’t what I had in mind when I wrote the first sentence
Errr…I have forgotten what my second point is supposed to be. Moving on…
Smart phones, through the help of social media, are gradually grinding real life human interactions to a halt. I was on an ATM queue the other day – one of the many places where a serial flirt like me picks up targets, by creating weird EYE contacts – and everyone was busy on their phones, to my dismay. Some were smiling, some scowling, a few giggles. Then there was this particular dude who was typing at “breakfinger” speed; something I only do when the other party is trying to breakup with me – Yes, I broke up with the same ex several times-. Now I have to find even more sociopathic and creative ways to pick up targets.

Another increasing trend is the rate at which people text and drive. Ehen, now I remember what my second numbered point is supposed to be: I am in no way “innocent” of any of these vices.
So I sat under a tree close to a major road, observing the flow of traffic (another thing to do with your free time) some days ago and I discovered (not astonishingly) that every other young driver was doing something with their phones alongside driving. And the ones that were my ilk, (with a female ‘copilot’), had their passengers on their [passengers] phones too. Personally, I find long journeys boring if all I have to do is drive. So, I spice it up by dancing, chatting, or making videos. But in my defense, my co-commuters are usually focused on the road whenever I am not. And again, I believe local transit requires more concentration… I digress, not for the first time.

Ignore my verbiage. Verbose, they mostly are. The gist is, social media is eating deep into real social life. Our phones are taking over our lives. It is not uncommon to see people sending friend requests to dead people. That shows how shallow these friendships really are. Now we meet people online or by stealing their phone numbers off mutual friends’ phones (actually, that’s how I met my ex who I like to think I dated for five years!), BBM pins and what have you. We start casually. Initial niceties, mostly veneer. Then it gets religious; staying up so late it becomes early morning. Then a point comes when we run out of things to talk about, even the perverted ones.  The subsequent drifting apart is such an anticlimax, but it is not unexpected. I mean, there is only a few ways to rephrase questions that mean “what is your favorite sex position?”

There is a finite amount of topics you can chat about without seeing each other, not to talk of having mutual friends. And mutual friends are what keep relationship conversations going, IMO. Without them, what/who do/will we discuss? And all that while, there is a brother/sister somewhere, physically available, who we keep rolling with, only until the next exciting online prospect comes around. Sadly.
I don’t expect this piece to change anyone’s attitude towards their phones or the like. Verily, I don’t even expect many people to read this article. I’m just a guy who knows a guy who owns a blog. Hence, my pedantic rant. I am not even necessarily going to change how I use social media, as a result, so there is absolutely zero reason why you should.
Pizzout!

L.J

OPPORTUNITY COST

I had no illusions about my academic abilities. Or disabilities, if you will. I was a below average student in senior secondary. All the theoretical guff posed a semi-serious challenge to me; the challenge of assimilation and application of such knowledge to practical, everyday life. I didn't rightly understand the destructive distillation of coal. Or the vulcanization of rubber. Or the memorization of those phylums.
On the other hand, I liked the geography and technical drawing classes because their lessons were immediately tangible. Most of all, I really enjoyed the economics classes as those lessons immediately ensued in the real world. The concept of demand & supply, the concept of scale of preference, the concept of forgone alternatives -- I liked stuff like that. Though, I feel now, as I felt then, that the concept of hustling and making money ought to be one of the clear, main tenets of O'level economics -- but that's a topic for another day.

One of those economics lessons proved invaluable these past weeks. Amongst a shitload of competing demands (and limited time), I had to arrange competing priorities in order of their relative importance. My B.Sc special project that had stalled and threatened to derail the hustle was given undivided attention. Thankfully, I completed the work last week and got it signed. And approved. In a couple of months, I'll be able to sign off college and actually do something with my life. I am mighty relieved, gaskiya!

For the aficionados of this platform (if there are any), I'm sure you people must've been wondering where I went. E ma binu. I would have informed you of the recess earlier, but I prefer to talk about my bets after they come in (a bad trait I'm looking to cut out). Apologies.

I'm glad to see that birds are still sounding like birds and rats are still sounding like rats. (Yorùbá people will understand that line). Normal services have resumed from hereupon.
I thank you for your indulgence.

--->>>Captaincue (Ramadan Kareem)