A 77day recess that seemed like an eternity, has, like every holiday, come to an exciting end. Hands up if you're not excited by the return of the #EPL and the European footballing season. Just you? Now gerrarahia, you joyless prude. An awful lot has gone down behind the scenes -- your life, mine, players', managers' and everyone. I'm fairly certain not everyone that read my last betting tip in May is alive. For keeping us, and all other blessings, we unabashedly give God the glory.
To essence, I'm gonna start with a caveat: you may wish to know that betting/gambling is generally seen as immoral around these uber-religious shores, but gambling is a bloody multibillion dollar industry and I'm not about to sit on my hands and do nothing. That said, why not add value to the reader by writing tips that'll be at once entertaining, enlightening and educative? Exactly! So, be prepared to see tips that contain unconventional stuff like poems and stories. 'Nuff said, here you go:
MAN UNITED vs TOTTENHAM:
United have bought fantastically well in the market, but that's what was said last season too. They've brought in excellent midfielders, an exciting rightback and MD7. I'm a United fan myself and in no way am I blinded by bias when I say there's no way United are losing to Spurs. The jury is still out on all the teams this season and one can't make absolute calls just yet. So I'll doublechance the home team here.
1x
CHELSEA vs SWANSEA:
Chelsea put in some laboured performances in preseason and in the Community shield. Their riposte being that we'll see a firing Chelsea team when competitive football begins this weekend. Chelsea are the finest exponent of the art of throwing bodies in the ways of shots -- but that defense needs some serious refreshing -- thus, the interest in Stones. They won't keep a clean sheet. In games like this, I would bet on both teams finding the back of the net, but that's complicating stuff.
Over 1.5
NEWCASTLE vs SOUTHAMPTON:
"If an archer shoots just for fun, he has all his skill
If he shoots for score, his hands tremble and his breath is uneasy
If he shoots for a golden price, he becomes mad and blind
His skill was not lessened, but the vision of the target changed him."
-->> Chinese proverb.
Two summers ago, Southampton sold a raft of key players and were generally expected to have a poor season last year. They didn't. I think they did well because no one expected big things from them and the pressure was off. It'd be intriguing to see how they cope when the pressure of matching last season's achievement is on them. I like the Chinese.
Over 1.5goals.
ARSENAL vs WEST HAM:
The boy Sanchez will sit this one out but I don't think he'll be missed. WestHam missed out on an Europa league place on Thursday by resting lots of key players -- a bad decision I think will bite their shiny new coach in the rear. Has he not heard of 'momentum'? I wonder.
Home win AND over 2.5goals.
STOKE vs LIVERPOOL:
Despite the glaring absence of a certain Steven Gerrard, Liverpool now seem to have a bigger (better? Dare I say) squad. On paper. Of course. After a 6-1 defeat at the Brittania in the last match of last season, Liverpool will be happy to leave with a point this time around. Goals abound.
Over 2.5 of them.
OGC NICE vs MONACO:
Gone are the superstars at the club from the principality. All that's left is a delicious blend of highly talented youngsters and experience. I can't resist a smoothie.
X2
PRESTON vs MIDDLESBROUGH:
Newly promoted Preston play host to a Boro side high on ambition and confidence after a surprise romantic reunion with Stewart Downing and building a good squad. I think Boro will be this season's Bournemouth. It begins here:
X2
NORWICH vs CRYSTAL PALACE;
BOURNEMOUTH vs ASTON VILLA:
I think these ones will be score-draws. So I'll just bet on both games to produce more than a lone goal -- just because its too early in the season to be wholly negative.
Over1.5
WEST BROM vs MAN CITY:
City (with Sterling) will look to have a blistering start to the season and West Brom are a solid if unspectacular side who'll give City a run for their money. Still, quality will shine through.
City to win 2-1.
Gentlemen, there's your lot for the weekend. Edit, espouse and delete as appropriate. Its good to be back.
Yours in tipster-y,
-->>Captaincue
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