PREDICTIONS (29/30-08-2015)

So we nailed a miserly 50% of last week's predictions; a decidedly sharp decline from the 87.5% of the upper week. We are gathered here today to right those wrongs. Here goes:

NEWCASTLE vs ARSENAL:
Lunchtime kickoff at St James' Park between two sides who've been punching below their weight this season. These two sides fired blanks in their last league games and there couldn't possibly be a repeat here. Arsenal will look to make up for all those points they've dropped and Newcastle have to prove the impressive midweek win in the Cup wasn't a fluke. This one could swing either way.
Over 1.5

MAN CITY vs WATFORD:
City were a little tentative in the victory at Goodison park, but they will pull out all the stops at home to Watford; who aren't bad by any means, but hey, this is Man City. I think Sterling will get off the mark in this fixture.
Home win & Over 2.5

FENERBACHE vs ANTALYASPOR:
Fener's inconsistent results aren't exactly a shock as they've undergone a major squad reshuffle. Still, I think the league will be a fight between them and Besiktas. That said, Antalyaspor have won their last two games 3-2 and 3-1. They're evidently capable of dishing them out and packing them in. This should be fun.
Over 1.5

CHELSEA vs PALACE:
A nail biting end to a 3-2 victory at West Brom sets them up nicely for a potentially cracking game between two sides that score and concede freely. I think this will end in a Chelsea victory with both teams finding the back of the net.
Home win & Over 2.5

BARCA vs MALAGA:
A well drilled defensive team head for a baptism of fire at the Camp Nou. With Neymar back in the team, this could get Messi (pun intended) for Malaga.
Home win and Over 2.5

REAL MADRID vs REAL BETIS:
I know Real Madrid's season will ultimately end in crushing disappointment but I fully expect that lot to have an okay start to the season. They'll win this one; in spite of their coach.
Home win.

SEVILLA vs ATLETICO MADRID:
Sevilla ineffably started the season with a goalless draw -- something nigh on unthinkable as they're usually one of the most entertaining sides in Europe. Atletico earned a narrow victory last week, but its too early in the season to be negative. So I see an attacking game that'll produce a couple of goals at least.
Over 1.5

VALENCIA vs DEPORTIVO:
The midweek Champions League qualifier against Monaco distracted Valencia last weekend as the laboured to a miserable draw away at Rayo. Now that Champions league football has been secured for the season, they will start performing in La Liga.
Home win.

DORTMUND vs HERTHA BERLIN:
Jurggen kini? The home side are playing some swashbuckling football right now and any opponent must be pitied. Another Mikhitaryan inspired victory on the cards here.
Home win.

KUBAN vs CSKA MOSCOW:
CSKA's form reads: WWWWW from their last five league matches. For my accumulator's sake, I'll doublechance 'em.
X2

ACADEMICA vs SPORTIN LISBON:
In Teo Gutierrez and Islam Slimani, Sportin have an efficient, if unspectacular front line to fire them to victory at an Academica side that lost 0-4 to Setubal last week.
Away win.

CARPI vs INTERNAZIONALE: A newly promoted side that lost 2-5 to an average Sampdoria side will have their work cut out against (my) outsider tip for the crown. Its only a matter of how many Inter will score. AWAY WIN

For the audacious tip of the weekend (with 'big odd'), look no further than:
HERACLES vs TWENTE:
It has gone under the radar a bit, but Heracles are in outstanding form; scoring nine goals in their last two games and conceding once. With a Twente side in rotten form (6conceded in two games), I'll bet on a win for the home side.
Home win

HYPOCRISY (part1): IT COMES AROUND

Though politics isn't really my forte, it has firmly caught my fancy (take note Tekno) and I am currently learning the ropes. Soccer, on the other hand, is what I know an awful lot about. Apart from the actual footballing on the pitch, I derive immense pleasure from seeing young players surmount challenges to fulfill potential. Also I have a fetish for listening to football commentary and watching managers' press conferences. This is where the, mostly subliminal but sometimes direct scathing messages are sent to rivals -- this is where the battle begins. Football is a whole different ball game (pun intended) where the finances involved in the game is taken into account. Its a chimerical eldorado that is far removed from everyday happenings of those of us living in an alternate world.

Thankfully, if unfortunately, football shares some common traits with our world -- one of which is hypocrisy of major proportions. I wrote in the first prediction of the EPL season that Chelsea's defense needed revamping and my friend Mr Jose Mourinho listened to me. He's since made a couple of unsuccessful bids for Everton's John Stones. Everton and their gaffer (Roberto Martinez) refused those offers on the premise that they wanna keep the young defender. What caught my attention is Martinez's innuendo filled retort after a third bid was made:
     "...sometimes money can't buy everything and that is going to be a very strong statement at Everton"

An admirable position no doubt, but Martinez's stance has been one of self-absorption; a man trying to be a hero, to defy the system, to challenge the authoritarian arrogance of the elite. I think this rebellion just reeks of hypocrisy. In a series of statements that are part funny and part bewildering, he has decried that bigger sides with bigger resources and better chances of success swoop in and pick off the talents at lesser clubs -- while beautifully ignoring the fact that Mr Stones left little Barnsley and their modest resources/goals for a 'big' club i.e Everton.

This shii is a bloody cycle and while standing up to the system is applaudable, insinuating that the system wants to fuck you sideways is hypocrisy -- considering the fact that you (Everton) did the same to a smaller club (Barnsley). The little fish gets eaten by the big fish before an even bigger fish eats the 'big' fish. Shit goes around, but bear in mind that shit also comes around.

That is how the system works. That is why the system works.

--->>>Captaincue (I think he'll go to Chelsea before the window closes)

PREDICTIONS (22/23-08-2015)

Last week's report card: 87.5% success. We steady getting closer to that hallowed 100% mark. Hope this meets you people in rude health. Here goes:

MAN UNITED vs NEWCASTLE:
An underwhelming start to the season from the Magpies; having drawn one and lost one. They've made shiny, beautiful new signings that I'm sure will come good -- but they have an appalling record against this particular opposition. United (man) did most of their business earlier in the summer and I think this fact is lost on their disappointed fans after missing out on Pedro. That boy Depay will fire them to victory here.
Home win.

LEICESTER vs TOTTENHAM:
I was as surprised as the next person when Tottenham contrived to snatch a draw from the jaws of victory against Stoke -- I fully expected them to lose the game. What a shame. That said, Spurs seem to be getting out of their early season funk and playing a Leicester side who've had a blistering start, this game will produce a couple of goals. At least.
Over 1.5

PALACE vs VILLA:
See what I did with the headline?! Palace came through for me last week and I quite fancy a fame like this to give me two goals.
Over 1.5

HELLAS vs AS ROMA:
Roma have had a quietly decent summer. Keeping their best players and adding Salah and Dzeko to their ranks? Wow. They'll win this at a canter.
Away win.

LAZIO vs BOLOGNA:
The Roman side have a competitive headstart (CL qualifiers); so one would expect them o be head and shoulders ahead of their newly promoted opponents in terms of fitness and fluidity. When momentum collided with inertia, inertia will be hurt pretty bad.
Home win.

HANNOVER vs LEVERKUSEN:
Beautiful stadium? Check.
Big local fan base? Check.
Beautiful jerseys? Check.
Beautiful blind Aryan players? Check.
Leverkusen are the archetypal hipster club. Its a good thing they can play the game too.  A tight win last week will be followed by a convincing one this.
Away win.

ATL. MADRID vs LAS PALMAS:
Las-kinni? I hear you say. Atletico weren't by any means poor last season but they didn't reach the heady heights of their La Liga winning season of 2013. Call me crazy (don't), but I tip 'em to take the league from a complacent Barca side. It begins here.
Home win.

RAYO vs VALENCIA:
A comprehensive win over Monaco in the CL qualifier in midweek sets Valencia up nicely for this one. They now have their own sugar daddy and that money will see them have a big season.
Away win.

WEST BROM vs CHELSEA:
Already 5points behind City (I called it!), they're due a big performance to save them from an embarrassing start to the season. Chelsea will win this one. By hook or by crook.
Chelsea victory. By crook.

INGOLSTADT vs DORTMUND:
LOL.

INTERNAZIONALE vs ATALANTA:
Inter have done excellent business in the transfer market. They're due a big season. It begins with a comfortable win here.
Home win.

EVERTON vs MAN CITY:
My favourite EPL player (Aguero) is in mesmerizing form as displayed in the victory against Chelsea (I called it too!). With everyone bang in form, this City will take some stopping. Lukaku and Barkley will make it interesting, but City will come out victorious. I reckon we'll see lots of goals (City to win 4-2).Anyway...
Over 3.5goals.

GIJOÑ vs REAL MADRID:
I reckon things will go spectacularly wrong for Real this season -- like finishing third. I'll even bet Benitez won't be there at the end of the season -- but they'll start the season with a bang.
Away win.

ARSENAL vs LIVERPOOL:
This one pretty much writes itself.
Over 2.5 goals (all day long).

There's your lot. Good luck boys.
--->>>Captaincue

PREDICTIONS (15/16-08-2015)

Report card from last week's tips: 70% success rate. Not bad, but definitely not 'it'. Again, we mount these betting horses and attempt to run them into the ground. Here we go:

LEVERKUSEN vs HOFFENHEIM:
Hoffenheim have sold their one truly remarkable player to Liverpool and I think they'll struggle this season. Bayer had an excellent campaign last season and I'll bet big on them picking up where they left off.
Comprehensive home win.

VfL WOLFSBURG vs FRANKFURT:
Wolfsburg's best player, Kevin de Bruyne's future is uncertain. Apart from him though, they've done a fine job of keeping their core. I'd bet on a home win here, but its the opening weekend of the Bundesliga season. What would it cost to err on the side of caution ba? Exactly
1X

CRYSTAL PALACE vs ARSENAL:
Palace's fine campaign last season was fuelled mostly by confidence. This time around, they're not just high on confidence but high on quality as well. Cabaye??!! Wow.
I foresee a (2-1 win) for either side. Either ways, we'll get three goals.
Over 2.5

GUINGAMP vs LYON:
Lyon should win an award for their inconsistencies. I'm guessing they spoiled many a tipster's accumulator after last week's disappointing opening day draw with Lorient. A poor Guingamp side IS the perfect opportunity to start getting it right.
Lyon victory

MAN CITY vs CHELSEA:
One of my banker's last weekend was Chelsea conceding, and boy did they! There seems to be a general consensus that Chelsea can't be 5points behind City after two games; that Mourinho will find a way to NOT lose this game at the Etihad. Me? I'll be having a laugh.
Home win please!!

LIVERPOOL vs BOURNEMOUTH:
I know this is a Monday game, but you might wanna add this to your accumulator. The new boys will be overwhelmed.
Liverpool win.

DORTMUND vs GLADBACH:
Two sides who always, always give no quota. This match will be like football porn to the hipsters.
Over 2.5 goals

For the audacious tip of the weekend, look no further than the match at the WhiteHartLane:
TOTTENHAM vs STOKE CITY:
Stoke have brought in some slick attacking players but have failed to replace their midfield lynchpin: Steven Nzonzi. Both teams suffered one-nil losses on the opening weekend but this Spurs side, dare I say, is low on quality. The odds on offer for a Stoke win is above four points. Jump on it.
Stoke win.

Remember, these are only tips. Edit, espouse and delete as you wish.
May the odds forever be in our favour.

--->>>Captaincue

PREDICTIONS (08-09/08/2015)

A  77day recess that seemed like an eternity, has, like every holiday, come to an exciting end. Hands up if you're not excited by the return of the #EPL and the European footballing season. Just you? Now gerrarahia, you joyless prude. An awful lot has gone down behind the scenes -- your life, mine, players', managers' and everyone. I'm fairly certain not everyone that read my last betting tip in May is alive. For keeping us, and all other blessings, we unabashedly give God the glory.
To essence, I'm gonna start with a caveat: you may wish to know that betting/gambling is generally seen as immoral around these uber-religious shores, but gambling is a bloody multibillion dollar industry and I'm not about to sit on my hands and do nothing. That said, why not add value to the reader by writing tips that'll be at once entertaining, enlightening and educative? Exactly! So, be prepared to see tips that contain unconventional stuff like poems and stories. 'Nuff said, here you go:

MAN UNITED vs TOTTENHAM:
United have bought fantastically well in the market, but that's what was said last season too. They've brought in excellent midfielders, an exciting rightback and MD7. I'm a United fan myself and in no way am I blinded by bias when I say there's no way United are losing to Spurs. The jury is still out on all the teams this season and one can't make absolute calls just yet. So I'll doublechance the home team here.
1x

CHELSEA vs SWANSEA:
Chelsea put in some laboured performances in preseason and in the Community shield. Their riposte being that we'll see a firing Chelsea team when competitive football begins this weekend. Chelsea are the finest exponent of the art of throwing bodies in the ways of shots -- but that defense needs some serious refreshing -- thus, the interest in Stones. They won't keep a clean sheet. In games like this, I would bet on both teams finding the back of the net, but that's complicating stuff.
Over 1.5

NEWCASTLE vs SOUTHAMPTON:
"If an archer shoots just for fun, he has all his skill
If he shoots for score, his hands tremble and his breath is uneasy
If he shoots for a golden price, he becomes mad and blind
His skill was not lessened, but the vision of the target changed him."
                -->> Chinese proverb.

Two summers ago, Southampton sold a raft of key players and were generally expected to have a poor season last year. They didn't. I think they did well because no one expected big things from them and the pressure was off. It'd be intriguing to see how they cope when the pressure of matching last season's achievement is on them. I like the Chinese.
Over 1.5goals.

ARSENAL vs WEST HAM:
The boy Sanchez will sit this one out but I don't think he'll be missed. WestHam missed out on an Europa league place on Thursday by resting lots of key players -- a bad decision I think will bite their shiny new coach in the rear. Has he not heard of 'momentum'? I wonder.
Home win AND over 2.5goals.

STOKE vs LIVERPOOL:
Despite the glaring absence of a certain Steven Gerrard, Liverpool now seem to have a bigger (better? Dare I say) squad. On paper. Of course. After a 6-1 defeat at the Brittania in the last match of last season, Liverpool will be happy to leave with a point this time around. Goals abound.
Over 2.5 of them.

OGC NICE vs MONACO:
Gone are the superstars at the club from the principality. All that's left is a delicious blend of highly talented youngsters and experience. I can't resist a smoothie.
X2

PRESTON vs MIDDLESBROUGH:
Newly promoted Preston play host to a Boro side high on ambition and confidence after a surprise romantic reunion with Stewart Downing and building a good squad. I think Boro will be this season's Bournemouth. It begins here:
X2

NORWICH vs CRYSTAL PALACE;
BOURNEMOUTH vs ASTON VILLA:
I think these ones will be score-draws. So I'll just bet on both games to produce more than a lone goal -- just because its too early in the season to be wholly negative.
Over1.5

WEST BROM vs MAN CITY:
City (with Sterling) will look to have a blistering start to the season and West Brom are a solid if unspectacular side who'll give City a run for their money. Still, quality will shine through.
City to win 2-1.

Gentlemen, there's your lot for the weekend. Edit, espouse and delete as appropriate. Its good to be back.

Yours in tipster-y,
-->>Captaincue