6 MOST RELEVANT SCHOOL SUBJECTS IN ADULTHOOD

**I wrote and published this first on https://lists.ng/

“…and you talk say you go school…” is a popular Nigerian phrase used to express disappointment when a supposedly educated person says/does something unintelligent. A level of wisdom is expected from school-educated people; eloquence, a superior intellect, an unusual perspective – a better one. Generally, more. Many Nigerians are only adept at theoretical question&answer at the detriment of practical problem&solution. Is schooling worth the investment?

Yes! Yes, you may never use the destructive distillation of coal at any of the works you will do as an adult. You may never have to state Ohm's Law or the Archimedes principle, but juggling two related scenarios, making sense of both and going with the best option requires the same principle guiding mathematical simultaneous equations. Shaking your head in disagreement after reading a statement out loud because it doesn’t sound right is a result of all the English Language lessons you took.

The application of knowledge is more important than the latent possession of it and this is a list of secondary school subjects that have the most impact/relevance on our adult, post-secondary-school lives. In no particular order, here goes:

GEOGRAPHY

MVEMJSUNP

My favourite secondary school textbook after the dictionary was the World Atlas. I liked how all that vastness was captured on A4-sized, glossy pages. Secondary school geography gives a grounding in topography, agriculture, trade, tourism and so on.

The United States and Iran are currently having a right old intercontinental squabble. Other countries are picking sides and a rudimentary knowledge of world geography will lessen the toll on your brain. You understand treaties, weather, economic warfare, global warming, international relations and diplomacy due to a solid background in all the aspects of geography.

BIOLOGY

mr niger d

Biology is the aspect of science that deals with the morphology and physiology of creatures and the interaction they share. When done examining the beings of things, one will see that, on some level in a natural ecosystem, these creatures are all interdependent.

see ehn!

In 1958, the Chinese leader, Mao Zedong, launched the now-infamous Four Pests campaign to eradicate pests (mosquitoes, rodents, flies and sparrows) from the Chinese ecosystem because there was no apparent use for them aside spreading sickness and disease. This was a sad mistake that failed to look past the grains that sparrows eat – they also eat insects! In the absence of the sparrows, insects ran amok and infested crops. What followed was the worst locust outbreak in human history. They devastated crops and caused a famine that left between 30-40 million people dead.

These creatures, their components, functions and interactions are understood and applied accordingly due to our grasp of basic biology.

ECONOMICS

ope from cowrywise, please

Economics transcend finance and investment. Have you ever received a sum of money and gone ahead to spend it all without covering all your needs? Of course. Resources are never enough to cater to all our needs and a scale of reference is used to allot limited resources to the most important needs. The scale of preference, psychoanalysis of consumers, negotiation, budgeting, forgone alternatives are some of the terms we apply in daily lives without really defining them.

Micro- and macro-economics study the behaviour of individual households and firms while macroeconomics study economics on the national/regional scale. Wiki says economics is a social science that studies the production, distribution and consumption of goods and services. Economic analysis is crucial to running healthcare, business, finance, education, politics and science. 

Understanding economic systems and philosophies like capitalism and socialism help to navigate work, business and life. Simpler concepts like demand/supply and division of labour are applied to everyday ventures in order to boost efficiency.

ENGLISH LANGUAGE

innit?

English is kuku not my language is a terrible excuse for communicational ineptitude. English is a pervasive international language and its mastery will never be useless.

“…the most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish them – words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out…” --Stephen King

Stephen King gets it! On some level, all the English we need to know is geared toward communication, dissemination, information, education and correspondence. We do all of these and more on a daily basis with the English Language.

GOVERNMENT

eh God

Adolf Hitler wrote: “…Instruction in world history in the so-called high schools is even today in a very sorry condition. Few teachers understand that the study of history can never be to learn historical dates and events by heart and recite them by rote; that what matters is not whether the child knows exactly when this battle or that was fought, when a General was born, or even when a monarch  (usually a very insignificant one) came into the crown of his forefathers. No, by the living God, this is very unimportant. To ‘learn’ history means to seek and find the forces which are the causes leading to those effects which we subsequently perceive as historical events."

Secondary school Government gives you a solid base upon which you build an understanding of history, war, politics, policies, polity, power, authority, sovereignty, constitution, organizations and all the –isms (capital-, feudal-, colonial-).

MATHEMATICS

bodmas

The knowledge of algebra (basic subtraction, multiplication, addition and division) proportions, ratios, bearing, sequencing, logic (-al reasoning), statistics, geometry, mensuration are only some of the applications of mathematics.

Euclid of Alexandria was a Greek mathematician who is often referred to as the “father of geometry”. His work was founded on a fundamental premise that “things which are equal to the same things are equal to each other”. That is the basic rule of mathematical reasoning.

From trifles such as the proportions in recipes; to more serious things like dimensions in construction and using calculus to optimize solutions by making mathematical models in business, engineering and medicine -- you will notice, upon close inspection, that no matter your exertion, there is some mathematics to it.

**Chemistry, Agricultural Science and Home Economics narrowly miss out.

-->> Captaincue is a content generator and a freelance writer. Work with me. Call/Text: 08132150177

"THE BUSINESS OF CONTENT" #TBOC. Captaincue's Review.

Date: 1st of February, 2020
Facilitators: Google Business Group, Lekki. David I. Adeleke, Terawork
Venue: Standard Bearers School

The talent in the lineup was simply ridiculous and the decision to attend was a no-brainer. People came late and a program slated for 9 am didn’t start until ten. It felt like people assumed the Nigerian factor (of lateness) would set in; without realizing that their individual acts aggregate to what is the Nigerian factor. One day, when people make allowances for the Nigerian factor in their movements, it will have positive connotations. I hope.

David I. Adeleke took the first session on “How Nigerians Consume and Pay for Your Content”. He discussed content types, formats before making deductions from the data of the research intelligence unit of Business Insider. From the data, he (we) deduced that:
I. Data is expensive in Nigeria. (maybe unaffordable for most, really)
II. Charle, times be hard and people love escapist content high on humour. Help people feel good with your content as much as possible. It sells
III. Aspirational content sells
IV. Nigerians are big on values
V. Audio-sexual content sells

He highlighted two of the best ways to monetize your stuff:
i. create content that brands can sponsor
ii. creating content that people will pay for.

Esoteric stuff is good, but if sale is the aim, one should create according to the demands of the market. A case study for how an outfit sold a particular content followed. David’s session ended at 11:18 am.

Peace Itimi took a session of “THE A-Z of Content Marketing”. She took the audience through the (condensed) four essences of content: informative, inspiring, educative and entertaining. Some of these overlap in many cases.

She talked us through the buyers’ journey — from awareness (let potential customers know you exist), to creating interest (capture their attention), consideration (further inform customers of what you do), conversion (foster a warm and personalized experience) and retention (encourage repeat business).

She talked about the building blocks of content marketing: vision, knowing your audience, metrics and so on. before delving into about Content Plan: content pillar, channels, format, type ratio (topical/evergreen), calendar and frequency.

Peace' talk on ideation was most important. You should keep a swipe file that inspires you and when brainstorming, go for quantity over quality. You can separate the wheat from the chaff later.

She amusingly literally ended her session with A-Z of content marketing. I’ll list a few: Incite action, have a budget, be consistent, be different, build an email list, focus on brand goals, find and fill a gap, be helpful, marketing, keep it short and simple, focus on user experience.
**********

PANEL TIME: Fu’ad Lawal, Aisha Owolabi (moderator), Ifeoma Amadi, Fisayo Fosudo

How/why did you start?
Fu’ad. Money, really. He saw openings for chemistry roles with a salary in the N25,000 region. He saw something for much more than that for writing roles and as he’d been writing for friends before, his decision was made.

What are the go-to tools/acts that have helped you monetize?
Ifeoma: Strategic positioning. Start by doing. If you’re targeting a brand, start without being commissioned. If you’re visible, you’re in mind and if you’re in mind, a window of opportunity will open if they are not doing you. In other words, action begets results.

Fu’ad: The starting point is always the audience. What do they care about and what would they pay for? You must find the best way to execute this? Then go through the data and choose a way of doing it that will fetch you money.

Fisayo: Analytics. That’s how he found out only 30% of his viewers are our people. He suggested answering a question in your content.
“…oh how does one charge an m3 battery?”Video caption could be: “how to charge the battery of an m3”. In other words, choose the format that will optimize visibility.Plenty stories. Lovely little, useful, easy-to-remember gems.

Piece of practical advice for monetization anyone starting out?
Fisayo: Don’t copy. Understand what they (your competition) are doing but find a twist. Be relatable. Find your spin.

Ifeoma: Learn to say no. Don’t accept nonsense price because you’re broke. Don’t copy.

Fu’ad: Copy….a lot! The first step into mastery is copying. You’ll find your voice eventually.

Fu’ad Lawal talked about payment. Money is always good but sometimes, not very often, exposure is really actually good. Then he spoke about organizing, networking and talking to each other. “Curiosity is content,’ he said. The panel ended at 2:02pm.

Lunch was served and people shook an unhealthy number of hands.

Femi Taiwo, the founder of terawork (partners of the program) gave a talk about globalization and content management. He contrasted pre- and post-globalization in music, football….before ending the session with candid advice on utilizing platforms, creating quality and emotive content and knowing your target audience.

The panelists took questions at 2:47 and there was a lighthearted argument of the “I am a lawyer too…” sort between some lawyers on the best/cheapest mode of protecting ideas. NDAs, trademarking and all that.

Genesis Onomiwo gave a short session on advertising, brand building, customer attraction, engagement and retention.

The program wound down with people winning gifts and vouchers from terawork. There was no single Nigerian ‘na God’ answer to questions on how to monetize content and that was deeply satisfying. It was a fine event.

Kudos all around.

Captaincue. Content Generator. Hell of a writer.

**This review was first published on Captaincue's Medium

TOP 7 PEOPLE WHO LEARNT NEW LANGUAGES TO HAVE BIGGER CAREERS

**This piece was originally written for, and published on lists.ng

I recently had a bespectacled Uber driver who somehow spoke perfect English, perfect Arabic and what sounded like perfect French. He’s Nigerian, learnt French on his own, schooled in Medinah, hence; Arabic, and I asked why he didn’t work for the UN or the CIA. He downplayed his linguistic proficiency and evaded my question about CIA. That trip ended too early and nobody can tell me the guy was not a CIA operative. He never confirmed nor denied.

I respect people who are able to learn and master languages because it requires persistence, practice and that bit of intelligence. Here, we explore some prominent people who mastered new languages to kick-start and/or improve their careers.

JAVIER BARDEM

                                   Anton Chigurh

While I think Benicio del Toro is a better actor all around, I generally prefer to watch Bardem. Bardem’s uncle was a screenwriter and his grandparents were actors. In Nigerian parlance, I think that qualifies as having it in his blood. He began acting in his native Spain as a teenager and had considerable success.

In 1997, John Malkovich offered a 27-year-old Bardem a role, but he turned it down because his English was wretched. Much later, in 2002, he starred in Malkovich’s “The Dancer Upstairs”. The script had him in a subordinate role, but due to production glitches, Bardem had enough time to learn English and take on the lead role.

Asked if rehearsing for an English-speaking role is any different from rehearsing for a Spanish-speaking role?

"Totally! You need to work hard in order to own the language, own the words. You have to put emotion and sensations into the words that are, otherwise, blank, emotionally blank to you because you haven’t had the experience in your life to use those words, to live with those words. So it’s a matter of really sitting down with a great dialect coach and work little by little until you own those dialogues, and that takes time."

Bardem has since given us blockbusting performances in No Country For Old Men, Skyfall, Pirates of the Caribbean and many other acclaimed roles.

CELINE DION

                       I drove all niiiiiiiiiiiiiight...

I have always imagined one has to have a firm grasp of general knowledge to do well on an episode of WhoWantsToBeAMillionaire. What languages do they speak in Switzerland? What are the official languages in Algeria? Does Canada have a French-only speaking region? Is Charlamagne, Quebec one of those places? Is that where Celine Dion is from?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Celine Dion released seven French albums before she was twenty and was a star. At 15, already one hell of a (French) singer, she decided to conquer new markets. So she enrolled with Ecole Berlitz to learn English nine hours a day, five days a week for two months. I’ve seen Yoruba Youtube clips of her early struggles with the H factor. Ah

Jim Santella wrote, “Like an iron fist in a velvet glove, the power of Celine Dion’s voice is cloaked in a silky vibrato that betrays the intensity of her vocal commitment."

Celine has 27 studio albums as of writing; 12 in English and 15 in French. Fandom is a crazy thing. After she hit it off with Anglophone fans, their allegiance to Celine’s music transcended her English albums and she has been credited with introducing Francophone music to many Anglophone countries. Her albums, D’eux and S’il suffisait d’aimer are the best-selling francophone albums in history.

Celine Dion has sold 250 million albums worldwide. Two hundred and fifty million!


KAHLIL GIBRAN

                                  The great Kahlil

He died in 1931 at just 48. Born in Lebanon when Lebanon was part of Syria, twelve-year-old Kahlil first migrated to the United States in 1895 before being sent back to Beirut at 15 where he went to school before making a final return to the states in 1902. There, his artistic proclivities were nurtured by teachers and benefactors. His writing has been noted to have elements of Nietzschean rebellion, Blakean pantheism and Sufi mysticism. (No, me neither).

His first five works published between 1905 and 1914 were written in Arabic. All through the subsequent seventeen years until his death, he kept alternating between publishing works in his native Arabic and his perfect English. “The Prophet” is a collection of prose-poems on many topics and has been translated into 70 languages, at least.

On "Laws", Gibran wrote:
"...but to whom life is a rock, and the law a chisel with which they would carve it in their own likeness,
What of the cripple who hates dancers?
What of the ox who loves his yoke and deems the elk and deer of the forest stray and vagrant things?
What of the old serpent who cannot shed his skin, and calls others naked and shameless..."

Gibran is the third best-selling poet of all time; third only to Lao-tzu and a certain Shakespeare.


JOSE MOURINHO

                          the special one

A walking sound bite. The self-proclaimed Special One is one of the most successful football managers of all time. With age, the mystery surrounding Mourinho has worn off from when he first came on the scene at the turn of the century. A most controversial person, he is. He speaks so deliberately and this rankled the leadership in England upon his employment by Chelsea in 2005.

After a brief playing career in the Portuguese second division, Mourinho studied sports science and earned his coaching badges before working as a P.E. teacher while moonlighting as a scout. Mourinho’s was a classic case of preparation meeting opportunity as he was already into his football journey before Sporting Lisbon’s president Sousa Cintra hired him to cater to Sir Bobby Robson.

Mourinho became an interpreter for Sir Robson at Sporting CP, following him to Porto FC and then Barcelona in Spain. A lot has been said about his roles, but the truth is that he only began as an interpreter before working, sometimes concurrently as a scout, an assistant coach and so on. After Robson left Barcelona, he worked with Robson’s successor, Louis van Gaal before going back to his native Portugal to start a career as a head coach.

Many years later, Sir Robson said of Jose: “Jose was a personable young man who was nominated to look after me because of his good English and strong background in football.”

Mourinho's quotes are at once amusing, brilliant and sometimes downright strange.
"Young players are a little bit like melons. Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100% sure that the melon is good."On developing Chelsea's young stars.

Asked his thought on Graham Poll refereeing a match, he quipped: "If you ask me if I jump with happiness when I know Mr Poll is our referee? No."

Even when he's saying nothing, he's still saying a lot: “I have nothing, nothing to say. Nothing, nothing to say. Nothing to say, I have nothing to say. Nothing to say, I am so sorry, I have nothing to say.”

Jose Mourinho. He says things.


SHAKIRA

                    Shakira, Shakira

No matter the amount of toxic masculinity bedevilling your soul, you cannot tell me you haven’t locked yourself in a bathroom, stripped omoluabi-naked, raised both hands over your head and taken your hips from side to side. Because hips don’t lie. And Shakira is a goddess.

The Colombian released her first (Spanish) album at 13, finished high school at 15 and immediately moved to the Bogota. She made the decision to learn the language in order to have full control over her songwriting. The first result was her “Laundry Service” album which has sold over 13 million copies.

An accomplished polyglot with Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, Catalan, French, English and Italian in her repertoire, you can hear how deliberate she is from her amusing lyrics; none more than her first proper monster hit in the English-language market in her fifth album; Whatever Whenever where she wrote/sang:

"...lucky that my lips not only mumble,
They spill kisses like a fountain,
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble,
So you don't confuse them with mountains..."

In second grade, Shakira did not make her school’s choir because one of her teachers said she sounded “like a goat,” you see. To be fair, she might have, and only improved over the years. These things are never clear.

DR. SHEIKH MUHAMMAD KAMALUD-DEEN HABEEBULLAH AL-ADABY

Sheikh Kamal makes this list alongside the equally-revered, and perhaps more popular Sheikh Adam Al-Ilory.

Sheikh Kamal was given birth in Ilorin in 1905. He began his Qur'anic Education at an early age in Alore, Ilorin and after mastering the Arabic Language and by extension, Islam, he propagated Islamic doctrines through public lectures before establishing Az-Zumratul Al-Adabiyyah Arabic and Islamic School in Lagos in 1928. The Ilorin Branch of the School was established in 1930.

He founded Ansarul-Islam Society of Nigeria on 28th May 1942 before opening the mission’s first primary school of the society in Ilorin in his 1947. Over the following years, the mission covered other parts of Nigeria and some West African countries.

The first Secondary School of the Society was established at Ijomu-Oro in 1970, closely followed by that of Ilorin in 1971. Today, Ansarul Islam Society has about seventeen Secondary Schools in Nigeria. Ansar-ul-Islam’s influence comes in their socio-cultural impact and direct connection to the communities in terms of schools, poverty alleviation, hospital-funding and social responsibility.

Before his death, Sheikh Kamal received widespread acclaim for his distinguished international Islamic contributions to the development of scholarship and advancement of mankind. The Emir of Ilorin made Sheikh Kamal the first Grand Mufti of Ilorin.

SHEIKH ADAM ABDULLAHI AL-ILORY

He learned the Arabic language and became a prolific writer later in his career. He founded the popular Markaz in Agege which has since spawned generations of scholars who have had serious impacts all over Africa. Markaz is the Nigerian equivalent of Al-Azar due to its influence in the Islamic academic and scholarly community. Al-Ilory's institution pioneered the use of modern teaching methods and equipment in this part of Africa.

Sheikh Adam was responsible for modernizing teaching by using chalkboards to teach instead of the prevalent slate and ink. Markaz also introduced written examinations, writing with pens and books, wearing uniforms and getting certificates. He also introduced facilities such as dormitories, libraries, printing press and clinics for students.

He authored books on history, jurisprudence, creed, mysticism, linguistics, education and anthropology. His works are used all over West and North Africa, SouthEast Asia and in the Middle East.

Enjoyed this? Share with your people.
Captaincue is a hell of a writer who converts 93.76% of your thoughts into words. Call/Text 08132150177 to work with him

Event Review: BUSINESS COMMUNICATION WORKSHOP

Date: Saturday, 10th of August, 2019

By: GOOGLE BUSINESS GROUP + Capital Square + David I. Adeleke

Venue: Capital Square, Ikoyi.

The higher you go up a communication ladder, the more treacherous the path becomes -- semantically and grammatically. Your world was simpler when a basic grasp of the English language was all you had. Erudition oft comes with second-guessing; “if this sentence was to be redone, would it communicate my thoughts more efficiently effectively?”

Quite often, people need refreshers when communication is the aim. I’m sure this is why, like myself, many signed up for the free Business Communication Workshop as soon as the registration link was shared by David I. Adeleke on social media.

I got to the venue six minutes late and the event had already begun. [Is that ‘began’? You see??]. The screen projected the list of topics to be discussed:

1.  Basic grammar and writing style

2.  Email etiquette

3.  How to pitch your ideas

4.  How to write a report

5.  Presentation skills

In spite of the rain, the room was filled within the first thirty minutes stipulated for introductions. Bankers, writers, poets, quality assurers, entrepreneurs, comms people and students made an interestingly diverse list of attendees.

The first session, delivered by the convener, David I. Adeleke was on “Basic Grammar and Writing Style.” Sweet, short slides distinguishing the application of WhoVsThat, WhoVsWhom, WillVsWould, WhoseVsWho’s and funnily but important enough, AmVsI’m. Everyone laughed through it, but I did not fall for it. They are those who type AM SORRY.

A recap? WHO is used to describe people, and THAT is used to describe objects. For example:

“Everyone WHO came out today is amazing”

“Her cup is the only one THAT is clean”

WOULD is conditional; a probability, but WILL is used when something is expected to happen with a high degree of certainty.

Tips to help your writing: simplicity and knowing your audience were given out and the session wound to an end with recommended resources which included a Lupe Fiasco album, Teju Cole’s advice to young writers etc.

Immediately, Olabinjo Adeniran, the co-founder of Future Africa took a session on EMAIL ETIQUETTE.

Basically:

●      have a clear subject line at the beginning,

●      you must include a call to action,

●      edit rigorously,

●      do not prevaricate.

The third session, HOW TO PITCH YOUR IDEAS AT WORK, was taken by David Adeleke. Here, he talked about the subtleties of work politics. The world isn’t black and white, and the realities of any workplace are rarely ideal. There was a quote here: “to progress, you often have to think for two: how your progress can benefit them AND you at the same time.” He ended the session with an intricate narration of how it ought to be done – from conception to execution.

The fourth session, “PRESENTATION BEST PRACTICES” was delivered by Peace Itimi, the Head of Marketing at Korapay. This wasn’t how to design slides, but how to present them. According to Peace “what good are ingenious ideas or a good vision if you cannot convey their fabulousness to the audience?”

She highlighted and discussed both bad and good presentation characteristics.

BAD	GOOD
Lack of preparation	Competence
Not knowing your audience	Composure
Using monotones	Extroversion
Inappropriate visual aids	Calmness

She ended with ideal content hierarchy for (most) presentations:

1.  Introduction

2.  Problem

3.  Solution

4.  Impact

5.  Conclusion

There was a food break and attendees networked over an excellent meal.

The anchor, Uzor Anakebe, a Google enthusiast and also one of the coordinators of the Google Business Group (GBG), preached the Google gospel as he presented ONLINE TOOLS FOR BUSINESS SUCCESS. No matter how tech-savvy you are, Uzor’s presentation will leave you feeling like you are grossly underutilizing Google tools in business communication and marketing.

The last session: HOW TO WRITE A BUSINESS REPORT was, again, taken by David Adeleke. Is it prose or data-driven? What’s the purpose? Will it influence a major decision or is it just a basic summary? Do you need comments? Charts? Graphs?

The program ended with a group photograph of facilitators, speakers and attendees. Contacts were exchanged, improvements were made and we left for home.

It was a fine, timely event. Kudos all around.

Captaincue is a freelance writer taking on gigs for unridiculous money. Call/Text 08132150177 now.

TOP 10 LIFEHACKS THAT WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER AS A NIGERIAN

{A slightly different version of this article was originally published on Lists.ng}


In the 2012 Stephen Spielberg movie, “Lincoln,” the protagonist, Abraham Lincoln [portrayed by Daniel Day-Lewis] said:

“A compass, I learnt when I was surveying, it will point you True North from where you’re standing, but it’s got no advice about the swamps and desert and chasm that you will encounter along the way. If in pursuit of your destination, you plunge ahead; heedless of obstacles and achieve nothing more than to sink in a swamp…What’s the use of knowing True North?!”

And truly. What is the purpose of knowing the way if you will not get to your destination while strictly plying that route? You must make detours, take shortcuts and employ tricks before you get to your own there. Because, life. In no particular order, other than numerical, here is a list of ten easy-to-remember lifehacks you need to know as a Nigerian:


1. WIDEN YOUR NETWORK:

how are you doing, my human friend?

See. This is not for you to have resources that will manifest the Nigerian propensity to ask “do you know who I am,” before siccing the police/thugs on the person they have disagreements with. This is not for using your clout to show people pepper.

Cutting people off is fashionable and easy. Keeping communication going in the multifaceted demands of your own adulting is especially difficult. I have my struggles too after all! Still, make a conscious effort to meet people and keep in touch. Humans are symbiotic.

I understand the reluctance to let people past the cloaks we veil ourselves with, but not every human you know has to be a *thorough friend. People are pretty useful. Be deliberate about keeping up.

So. Protect your energy at all costs, but know people still. It makes sense.


2. BUY MINT BEFORE SEX

you know what’s going on!

They summon you and you respond with crixutic efficiency. I have a theory that the angels record sins against the name of the one who instigates every bout of premarital sex. On your way to answer those calls, some unsettling questions pop up in your head:

“If I die on top [or below, or behind…or beside] this person, what will I tell God?”

However, one thing more ungodly than premarital sex is the morning breath of a human being. Eloquence is the curse of the intelligent and the many intelligent people in relationships will use grammar to paint repeated attempts to choke you with their morning breaths as one of the cute pillars of relationships. Do not mind them.

Most times, upon waking early in the morning, you will find a strong urge to have a go at each other (again), and then you find that the breath of your partner is stale. Simply reach into the bedside drawer, pull out a couple of menthols/gum and freshen your breath. Then do the do – without having left the bed.


3. SCHOOL WILL NOT TEACH YOU…many things.

wisdom

With many outrightly unemployed humans, and the employed, gainlessly so – many of them graduates, the usefulness of school has never had its jugular this exposed to the jagged edges of skepticism.

I suspect school is useful. Some think it isn’t. What is clear is that most of the knowledge used in daily life will be gleaned from outside classrooms. School won’t teach you how to bribe make your way (with a variety of coin/persuasion) past a bureaucratic hangup. Turning the wicked scowl of a joyless secretary into a beaming smile with nothing but a timely throwaway comment about her wristband is not exactly taught in school.

Nigeria’s education system is fixated on question and answer; not problem and solution. In a system that practically discourages invention, thought, disruption, opinion, confidence and other things required to confront daily issues, many people do not realize that the application of knowledge is greater than the inert possession of it. Within and outside school, open your head to learn, observe, unlearn, apply and flourish.


4. BE SELECTIVELY (DIS)HONEST.
Cuddling is tedious if we’re being absolutely honest with each other. Admittedly, it is useful sometimes, but generally, cuddling is borne of the need for relationship people to uphold one of the fabled precepts of relationships. Done in bits that do not exceed five minutes, it’s okay. But do you categorically tell your partner that cuddling is a nonsense?

Diplomacy makes you temper the truth with omissions and additions which make it palatable. Seriously, what do you have to gain from telling the absolute truth allthe time?

I have a strong sense of Machiavellian pragmatism. You mix things up and get things done. Lies, or selective evasion of the truth are necessary at times. Honesty isn’t always the best policy. This isn’t Ure Chokwe’s world.

Being absolutely truthful all the time is sociopathic and I will discuss this no further. Thanks.


5. EMBRACE SADNESS.
You’re not supposed to always be happy. If you lose a job, sulk a little. Do not OD on positivity-peddling nuggets.

well, damn!

Most emotional struggles that lead to negative emotions (grief, despair, sadness, regret etc) are borne of the personal and/or cosmic failures. If something is inevitable, accept it and deal with it decisively. That way, you get the acuity to re-strategize and move on. You’re not a robot.

Process emotions. You will get to move past it eventually. When your woman leaves you, drop the macho act, buy a pail of icecream, cry into it as you bingewatch Game of Thrones.

Mark Manson wrote a whole book about this. Read it some time.


6. BE A BASTARD. Sometimes.

you were saying? I saw a quote on TwitterNG that said: “Every goal must pass the test of discouragement.”

With due diligence done, prayers said and all manner of preparation in place, you must stick with the plan so that you don’t end up withering in the face of challenges, criticism and opinions. In this our Nigeria, if you do not have strong convictions about what you’re doing, you will likely get nowhere.

You must be a bit of a stubborn bastard in order to fulfill/achieve most of your goals.


7. AVOID ADDICTION TO YOUR STRUGGLES.
Stockholm syndrome is a psychological condition in which a hostage emotionally bonds to his/her captor. Due to the security of the familiar, a level of ambivalence trails our desires.

“Better the devil you know than the angel you don’t” is not a good saying. There are postulations that poor people who suddenly get large amounts of money (inadvertently) find a way to squander it and get back to managing – a condition they are accustomed to.


Eh God

Do not become addicted to your current struggles. Watch yourself. Are you really (holistically) ready for progress? It comes with increased glare from the spotlight, increased responsibilities, fear of failure and increased scrutiny. Are you ready?


8. PROGRESS ISN’T ALWAYS LINEAR.
Whether you are trying to add or cleave something to/from your life, there usually is a process involved. Allow me a negative example (because they’re more memorable). Gambling, smoking, drinking and wanton fornication. Let’s say something is wrong with you and you engage in all of these things simultaneously. Upon a sudden, you want to listen to the Ministry of Health’s advice.

Smoke when you absolutely have to. Give yourself a timeframe and activate a plan. If your norm is fifteen sticks daily, reduce to twelve over a couple of months, then ten, then seven…you get the drift. On one of your off days, you will STILL sneak a smoke. And it will be okay. Allow yourself to be human. It does not mean that your own has finished. The occasional slip up does not invalidate your journey.

Believe in the process.


9. SCATTER THINGS.The year was 1886. In a bid to find a cure for headaches, American pharmacist, John Pemberton used coca leaves and cola nuts to form a mixture. His assistant accidentally introduced carbonated water to the mix and the result, after a series of tweakings, is Coca-Cola.

Equally important, but no less interesting, is the legend behind the scientific discovery of Penicillin. Scottish biologist, Alexander Fleming took a long vacation from working on staphylococcus in his lab. Upon his return, he discovered that a particular fungus which had grown on a culture he left in the lab had killed off all surrounding bacteria. Hence, Penicillin.


I have given two scientific examples, but serendipity, defined as “an unsought, unintended and/or unexpected, but fortunate discovery and/or learning experience that happens by accident,” transcends science.

It is life. In your bid to make a particular thing happen, other things usually happen. We can extrapolate this to progress. Things rarely happen when moves aren’t being made. But when you scatter things, and things are in flux with the right amount of entropy, strange things you paid no mind might fall into the right strange places. Entropy begets progress.

Things happen when things are in flux. You scatter things long enough and things might eventually fall into place.

**Way too many things up there.


10. ATTAIN MATURITY.

Do you think being un-cling-y is a form of maturity in amorous relationships?

Scoring a C in an exam, do you believe punching the wall in disgust shows ingratitude in the midst of people who scored less?

Should you refuse to stamp the ankle of a player who elbows you in the temple during a football match?

While you hold the opinion that Andres Iniesta is at least on par with Zinedine Zidane in terms of majesty, are you quick to change your stance because someone throws a blanket statement that “these kids don’t know football!”

Does it make you feel bad when someone opines, based on your wide chest and tattooed arms, that you are arrogant and disrespectful – when in your own books, you are only proud and demanding?

Junius Morgan was an insanely successful financier/banker in 20th century America. He had a son, John Pierpont (J.P. Morgan) who took to corporate finance as well. JP's dad taught him to minimize risk. At a point, JP went against the grain and saw opportunity instead. Having seen Rockefeller and Carnegie own industries, he invested heavily in Thomas Edison's electric light. It ended well. A time comes when you must get your own definitions.

Who defines things for you?
Unless there’s an empirically decent compelling argument that will enact an adjustment, the ultimate form of maturity, for me, is having your own definitions (values, views etc) and being comfortable with them.

Be excellent.






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